On a Wicked Dawn (Cynster 9)

Child had heard him out, considered for a day, then agreed to help — to, as he put it, serve as Luc's financial mentor. He'd been relieved yet surprised, but Child had made it clear he was only agreeing because he viewed the prospect of saving the family as a challenge, something to enliven his declining years.

He hadn't cared how Child wanted to see things, he was simply grateful. Thus had commenced what he now considered his apprenticeship in the world of finance. Child had been a strict yet immensely knowledgeable mentor; he'd applied himself and gradually, steadily, succeeded in eroding the huge debt hanging over his and his family's future.

Throughout, he, his mother and Child had had a firm understanding that no circumstance, no detail, could ever be allowed even to hint publicly at the family's state. While he and his mother had agreed readily on the grounds of the social consequences, Child had been even more adamant — one whiff of poverty, and they would be dunned, their secret would out, and the flimsy house of cards that he and Child had painstakingly erected to keep the family ahead of their creditors would come crashing down.

By unstintingly applying themselves to keeping up their facade, with the costs initially underwritten by Child himself, they'd succeeded in maintaining their status. Year by year, their financial position had improved.

Eventually, as the burden of debt had shrunk, under Child's guidance, he'd moved into more speculative investments. He'd proved adept at sizing up risky opportunities and making large profits. It was a dangerous game, but one in which he excelled; his latest venture had proved more rewarding than his wildest dreams. His ship had very definitely come in.

His lips twisted wryly as his mind scanned the years — all the hours he'd spent poring over account books and investment reports in his study while the ton imagined he was indulging with opera dancers and Cyprians in company with his peers. He'd come to enjoy the simple act of creating wealth, of understanding money and how it grew. Of creating stability in his family's life. The undertaking had been its own reward.

In many ways, yesterday had been the end of an era, the last day of one chapter in his life. But he'd never forget all he'd learned at Child's feet; he wasn't about to eschew the rules that had governed his behavior for the past eight years, nor was he likely to desert an arena in which he'd discovered not only an unexpected expertise, but his own salvation.

That conclusion left him facing forward, looking into the future. Considering what he wanted from the next stage of his life — considering what Amelia had offered.

He had, through all the years, set his face firmly against marriage as a way to refill the family coffers. With his mother's support and Child's acquiescence, he'd reserved that option as a last resort, one he was deeply relieved he'd never had to pursue. Not, as Amelia had supposed, because of the potential expectations of a wealthy wife, but for a far more entrenched, deeply personal reason.

Put simply, he just couldn't do it. Couldn't even imagine it, marrying a lady for such a cold-blooded reason. The very idea left him chilled; an instinctive, deeply compelling aversion rose at the mere thought. Such a marriage was not one he could live with.

Given that, given his code that had precluded any thoughts of marriage while he was incapable of adequately supporting a wife, he'd spared no real thought for the institution.

A small voice whispered that he had thought of Amelia — not as a wife, but as a woman he'd expected to have to stand by and see married to some other gentleman. As always, the thought left him uncomfortable. Arms over his head, he stretched full length, deliberately shifted his mind, and felt the constriction about his chest dissolve.

Thanks to some peculiar quirk of fate, she wasn't going to marry another — she was going to marry him.

That prospect was very much to his liking. He hadn't considered the fact that yesterday's victory left him free to pursue marriage if and when he wished, until she'd suggested it. But now she had… now she'd offered…

He wanted to marry her. The impulse that had risen last night at her words — the instinct to seize and claim her — had diminished not one whit in the intervening hours. If anything, it had grown more definite, an amorphous urge solidifying into conviction and rocklike resolution. Now he was debt-free, now he was rich, marrying her was, at least as far as his instincts were concerned, not just permissible but highly desirable. He felt no aversion, but rather an unexpected degree of impatience.

Mind racing, he mentally constructed the future as he would have it, Amelia centrally featured as his wife, then turned his mind to achieving that goal. The hows, whys, wherefores…

Accustomed as he was to checking every action for potential ramifications, the problem was immediately apparent. If he told her he no longer needed her dowry, what reason could he give for wanting to marry her?

His mind simply stopped, remained stubbornly blank, refused to countenance the reason by even thinking it. He grimaced, changed tack, tried to see his way forward…

Correcting her mistake, thus freeing her from their verbal contract, and then attempting to win her back was a fool's agenda. He knew how she'd react; she'd be mortified, and would very likely avoid him for the next several years, something she was perfectly capable of doing. Yet at some primal level, he already thought of her as his, already seized if not yet claimed; the concept of releasing her, lifting his paw and letting her go…

No. He couldn't — wouldn't — do it. He knew where they stood at the moment — he needed to find a way forward from there, toward their wedding, and had no intention of taking a single step back. When it came to her, his instincts were unequivocal in their refusal to be lenient; she'd offered, he'd accepted, ergo she was his.

> Could he tell her the truth but decline to release her? Confess he no longer needed her dowry but insist they marry anyway?

She wouldn't accept that. No matter how insistent he was, how hard he argued — no matter what he said — she'd feel he was only being kind, sparing her the pain of rejection…

He grimaced again, folded his arms behind his head. There was enough truth to that to make it impossible to argue — not with her, she knew him too well. He would indeed do much — given his heretofore lack of interest in marriage, possibly even that — to avoid hurting her. Females such as she, females he cared about, needed to be protected — that was one of his most fundamental beliefs. The fact they might argue, rail, and disagree was beside the point; such resistance held no power to sway him.

The only way he might convince her he wasn't being kind was to admit and explain his desire to have her as his wife.

Once again, his mind seized. He couldn't even explain that desire to himself, did not understand whence its power sprang; the idea of admitting to the type of desire that of itself impelled a man to marriage, in words, to her — the object of said desire — evoked a resistance every bit as rock-solid as his intention to wed her.

He knew her, and the females in her family, very well; such an admission would be tantamount to handing over the reins to her, not something he would willingly do this side of hell. He wanted and would have her to wife, but he was implacably opposed to giving her any unnecessary hold over him.

The fact that others of his kind had ultimately succumbed and done so, most recently Martin, floated through his mind; he ignored it. He had never been inclined to let emotions or desires rule him; if anything, the last eight years had forced him to master them even more rigidly. No woman was capable of overriding his will; no woman would ever control him.

Which left him staring up at the canopy, toying with his remaining option. He considered, analyzed, extrapolated, predicted. Formulated a plan. Searched for and found the flaws, the hurdles; evaluated them, devised the means to counter them.

It was not an easy or straightforward path, yet it was one that led to his desired destination. And the price was one he was prepared to pay.

He hesitated only long enough to run one last mental assessment; he saw nothing to deter him. Knowing Amelia, he had no time to lose. If he wanted to retain control of their interaction, he needed to act immediately.