The Moment of Truth

Josh was listening—his focus seemed to be one hundred percent on her. And she realized it always was. And that was one of the things he did for her. When she was around Josh she felt valuable. It was as though, when he looked at her, he saw someone different than she saw when she looked in the mirror.

It was probably just a talent of his. He probably made every woman he talked to feel like a million bucks.

“I just don’t want things to get so awkward between us that he can’t still come over to do his laundry,” she said, finishing more slowly.

“What time is he going to be here on Tuesday?”

“We didn’t set a time, but if things go as they have been, he’s going to show up in time for me to invite him to stay for dinner.”

“How about if you bring L.G. home with you after your afternoon visit on Tuesday and I’ll just head over here after work.”

Dana felt like her insides were smiling at his inference that she would still be caring for Little Guy. It was a good idea. At least until the puppy was house-trained. She liked the break in her day. And if she was going to be honest with herself, she’d admit that she liked visiting Josh’s home every day. It made her feel closer to him. “Unless you were hoping I’d head off dinner,” Josh added.

“No! Your plan is perfect,” she said. “I don’t think we’ll have to say anything to Jerome—he’ll get the message. Before he actually tries something and I end up losing him as a friend.”

“Sounds to me like he’d be the one losing out. He uses your washer and dryer, you iron his shirts for him... What does he do for you?”

Hadn’t she just heard him say pretty much the same thing a second ago? In reference to him?

Lindy Lu had curled up into a ball against Dana’s thigh and was sound asleep. Little Guy lay just inches away, fully alert, watching the pup.

“I don’t keep accounts with my friends,” she said, hoping she didn’t offend him. But if he didn’t like her, then there was no point in caring what he thought. “I’m not used to that way of thinking, and frankly, I’m not even sure if it’s healthy.”

He blinked. But stayed on her floor, as though he was perfectly at home there. “If you don’t pay attention, it’s easy to blow through life only thinking of yourself. At least for some of us. Clearly you don’t have that problem.”

Things had just changed between them again. His tone of voice was different. Something important was happening. She just didn’t know what.

“You think you have that problem, Josh?” The guy let a puppy turn his world upside down.

“Let’s just say that I’m on a mission to not have that problem anymore.”

He’d been through something pretty bad, that much was obvious to her. Had been from the first time she’d looked in his eyes.

“You want to talk about it?”

“No. I just want to make absolutely sure that you don’t pay for my thoughtlessness. I won’t be the guy who takes and doesn’t give back. And the only way I can be certain that I keep my word is to keep accounts.”

Made sense. In a guy sort of way. But she still thought he was missing the boat somehow.

“Doing for people comes naturally out of caring about them,” she said aloud when she really thought she should have held her tongue.

He sat up. “Maybe that’s the problem, then. Maybe I don’t care about anyone but myself.”

“You don’t believe that.” She watched as he stood, stretched and looked around the room. “Do you, Josh?”

When he turned toward her, she saw an expression in his eyes she didn’t recognize. “I don’t know what I think,” he said. “But I know I had sex with you the other night without giving any thought to your safety or emotional state. And then I made matters worse by slapping you with the fact that, with me, there can be no commitment. I took zero care with your feelings in that situation.”

“I can’t argue with you there,” she said. Because it was true, to a point. “But what happened Thursday night was as much my fault as it was yours, Josh. We equally allowed what happened between us.”

“But you were giving more than I was, weren’t you?”

“I don’t know what you’re asking,” she said, when she knew full well. And she didn’t appreciate him asking.

Josh sat back down on the floor, directly across from her, resting his weight on his hands behind him. “Yes, you do, and it’s not a bad thing, Dana. It’s a great thing. You are so much more of a person than I am, so far above me I can’t hope to catch up. Because whether you’re having sex or ironing a shirt, your heart is open and giving. I’m not sure I have a heart to open.”