Twisted and Tied (Marshals 4)

On the other hand, had he done that, I might have died of humiliation right there, assuming Kage even let Ian get a word in, which was a stretch. I couldn’t imagine Kage letting anyone but that individual make decisions for himself.

The fact of the matter was, because Ian wasn’t there, he was coming late to the party after I had already given my word, and now everything was a huge fucking mess.

I slammed the passenger-side door to the truck and started toward the entrance to the building without looking at him. Ian caught me easily, grabbing my bicep and spinning me around to face him.

“What?”

He scowled instantly. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

I shook my head. “It won’t fix anything.”

“Why’re you pissed at me?”

Really, the balls on the man, holy shit. “No,” I said, slipping around him to again head for the underground entrance.

“No?”

“I am not doing this when we’re about to go up in the goddamn elevator.”

He caught up to me easily, cutting in front of me, and when I went to walk by him again, he barred my path and put his hands on my hips under my John Varvatos suit jacket.

“I’m not stupid,” he said huskily, staring into my eyes. “I know if I’d been there yesterday that I could have said something to you—or even Kage—before this went down.”

Easing free of his hold, I stepped back and crossed my arms as I regarded him. “I was just thinking about that, and really, you would’ve said something to Kage when he was in fixer mode? Is that what you’re telling me?”

He was thinking about that, I could tell from the squint.

“When he gets all barky with the orders, and when he snaps all his words?”

The grimace was telling. No one I knew said a word when Kage turned into a steamroller. None of us had the balls.

“I’m just scared, all right?” he rasped, voice cracking. “We just locked this thing down, and I don’t want anything to fuck it up.”

“I don’t either, but you know how you’ve been saying that you want us together at work?”

“I do want that.”

“Yes,” I agreed, “but your actions don’t really convey that, right?”

“How do you mean?”

“Ian” was all I said.

He was quiet a moment before I got the grunt that told me he’d figured it out. “I have been spending a lot of time with SOG instead of backing you up.”

“Which is fine.”

“Except not yesterday.”

“That was a one-off. Doesn’t happen every day.”

“Yeah, but here I am telling you I want us to stay partners, and… I can see where I’d come off a bit hypocritical.”

It was one of Ian’s best qualities, his own self-awareness, given a little time.

“But SOG needs me,” he countered, still scowling. “They need us.”

“They need somebody to take charge, I’ll give you that, but I actually think you’re more qualified than is necessary, and I‘d be no help to them at all. Think about me there. Can you even see it?”

“Yes,” he said, crossing his arms as I dropped mine.

“Really?” I asked, taking hold of his biceps. “Ian?”

His growl made me smile. It was impossible for him not to see my side of an argument, had always been that way. He just needed time. And not that things were fixed—they were not, he was still scared—but I saw the thaw in his icy gaze.

“Yeah, well, maybe you can do some thinking for yourself.”

“Oh?” I taunted. “Can I?”

“You don’t have to be all—I mean, I can see where I could’ve come off like a dick.”

He wasn’t sorry, he wasn’t apologizing, but he had put himself in my place and saw himself from my perspective, and really, it was impressive.

“When you scare me, though, I can’t think.”

And I knew that too.

I held his gaze, marveling as I always did over the color. Every now and then, I was still amazed I had fallen in love with my best friend and that he’d fallen for me right back.

“I’m just—”

“Worried,” I offered, moving him back and forth a bit because I really wanted to shake him violently until he saw the truth of the situation. Because yes, I could be a bleeding heart, and most assuredly I was going to get hurt… but it would be okay because I had him to go home to every night. Wasn’t that the whole point of a marriage, of a union, to begin with? Having a partner who could strip away all the bullshit from your day, make you feel loved, help you enjoy life, and create a sanctuary that let you breathe? “But won’t you be there to pick up the pieces?”

“Yes.”

“Isn’t that what you signed on for?”

He nodded.

“Well, then.”

He searched my face a moment before leaning in and brushing a light kiss over my lips. It was fast, barely there, and then he took hold of my hand to tug me after him. Ian being possessive of me after we had any kind of disagreement was a usual occurrence, and since I liked it and it gave him comfort, I followed along behind him without another word.