The Rulebreaker

“Well, I’m sorry for marrying my best friend and love of my life and having a good relationship with her.”

“I don’t know how you married your best friend,” I say quietly. “It seems impossible.”

“Yet here we are, thirty years later, still happy,” Dad says. “Not to say we haven’t had our share of trials and tribulations, but still, we truly are happy together.”

My brothers and I exchange awkward glances. Once upon a time, our parents were headed toward divorce. They weren’t quiet about it either, but they always did hold each other with the utmost respect and never spoke badly about one another. Still, it was hard to go through. That was around the time Mitchell broke up with Misty too, which always made me think the two were related in some way. I don’t have time to dwell on that now though. I need to tell Rocky how I really feel and what I really want and leave the ball in her court.

“What have you done, Maverick Enrique Cruz?” Mom says when I bump into her on my way to my room.

“What are you talking about?” My heart stills in my chest. I may be a man, but no amount of years will ever make me not be afraid of my mother when she says my full name in that tone.

“What did you do to Rocky?”

“What’d she say?” My eyes widen.

Oh fuck. If there’s any chance I hurt Rocky and my mother finds out, I’m toast. She’s always been very clear on her stance on girlfriends. She loves us and we’re her kids but if we don’t treat women with the utmost respect, we’re in trouble. From the way she’s looking at me, I know Rocky said something she didn’t like, and Rocky isn’t just a girlfriend. She isn’t even my girlfriend, but I know better than to bring that fact up right now.

“What should she have said?” Mom raises an eyebrow and places a hand on her hip. My heart pounds faster.

“Mami, I didn’t do anything, I swear.”

“You think that because I let you off the hook most of the time it’s okay to hurt a girl?”

“Hurt her?” My eyes widen even more, if possible. “I didn’t hurt her. She hurt me.”

“Really?” She laughs. “Please explain.”

“I can’t.” I let my shoulders sag and look at the floor. “I don’t want to talk about this with you right now.”

“Because you don’t want to tell me the truth about what happened.”

“I guess.” I look up at her. “But I didn’t hurt her. Not on purpose. You know I would never do that to anyone, especially not her.”

“I know, but the fact remains that she’s hurt. She tried to cancel this trip, you know.”

“Yeah.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I was being a jerk,” I mumble, hating to admit that aloud.

“Why?”

“Because I’m in love with her but I don’t want to tell her.” I look away.

“Why the hell not, Maverick?”

“Because she needs to live a little. She needs to meet other guys.” Even as I say the words I feel like throwing up. I hate—loathe—the idea of Rocky with another guy.

“So, she wants to be with you and you pushed her away because you think she needs to be with other guys?” Mom frowns deeply. “I must be missing something.”

“I can’t be her first serious boyfriend. You know those other clowns she dated weren’t serious.”

“Right.” Mom laughs. “And why can’t you be her first real boyfriend?”

“Because I want to marry her, Mom.” The words surprise me, but not her, apparently. She just watches me, waiting for me to continue. “You’re not supposed to marry your first real boyfriend. This isn’t the 1940s.”

“And because it isn’t the 1940s, you shouldn’t think that you need to make that decision for her.”

I purse my lips. She’s not wrong. I don’t want to admit that, but really, she’s not wrong. But Rocky doesn’t know what she wants. She told me she wanted to date a bunch of guys. She told me she wanted to be free of her strict parents’ rules.

“You need to tell her how you feel and let her make that choice for herself,” Mom says, walking toward me and setting a hand on my shoulder and the other under my chin so I look at her, because even though I’m at least a foot taller than her, I’m not looking into her eyes. When I do, I feel instant comfort.

“What if I lose her? If I fuck this up, I’d lose her friendship. I don’t know if I can live with that.”

“So don’t fuck it up.” She smiles. “It’s easier said than done, I know, but if you’re true to yourself and respect her and love her the way you do, it’ll be easier than you think.”

I swallow, then wrap my arms around my mom and thank her. This is why I rely on her advice over my brothers. She always knows exactly what to say to make my thoughts less cloudy.