Companion 3000

“I’d be happy to have any man at all,” Leita muttered to herself, still eyeing the extra-large, caramel-colored, medium-hairy Companion 2000 wistfully. “But I guess this is the next best thing.”

“What are you going to do with that thing once you get tired of it?” Schneider demanded, lashing his long tufted tail in disgust. “Store it under the bed or in the closet? It can’t really love you, Leita. Or have an intelligent conversation, or share your interests, or help you fix the droids.”

“No.” Leita sighed. “I know that, Schneider. But I can manage the droids on my own as long as I stay here to keep on top of things. And I have you for scintillating conversation.”

“But what if it goes crazy and runs amok?” Schneider asked anxiously. “That’s a pretty big dildo you’re ordering there, Leita. It could do some serious damage if its wiring goes wrong.”

“Don’t worry. I can’t really afford the extra large anyway—it’s over four thousand credits more than the rest put together.” Regretfully, she turned her attention to a smaller, cheaper model. For Her Pleasure was running a special on a small, vanilla, smooth-skinned Companion with blond hair, she was dutifully informed by the scrolling purple letters. If she ordered now, she would get free shipping straight from the manufacturing plant on Osiris and she could have the new Companion 2000 in her bed in under one solar month.

Leita bit her lip. It wasn’t really what she wanted, but it was what she could afford. Besides, maybe Schneider was right—the small Companion was about her size and less likely to do damage if something went wrong. Making her decision, she placed the order and was rewarded with a confirmation number.

One small, blond, smooth, vanilla cure for sexual frustration was currently on its way to her door. Leita just hoped she could hold out until it got to her. Those damn sexy dreams she kept having were hell on a girl’s libido.

Pierce ducked another laser blast and dodged into the shadow of the large building to his left. Damn, when the deal went south, it went south in a hurry. ‘Course, he hadn’t expected to recognize his contact, or for that matter, to have his contact recognize him and decide he’d rather collect the bounty that was out on Pierce’s head than finish their negotiation. Shie-lu had always been an untrustworthy asshole, though Pierce had to admit for the amount of the contract on his head, he might turn his own self in—that was, if he thought he could get out of it alive. And that was looking more unlikely by the minute. Pierce returned fire, noting his light pistol was getting pretty low on charge. He was already outgunned, if he didn’t find a place to lay low pretty quick he was going to be deep fried as well.

He glanced up at the building he was crouching by—looked like some kind of a factory. Osiris was famous for manufacturing most of the luxury goods in the galaxy, so it was probably a sensu-couch plant or a luxury hover-mobile assembly line. But what they made inside didn’t matter to Pierce, what did matter was that there would probably be lots of shadowy corners to hide in until his contact turned assassin gave up and left.

Another laser blast passed over his head. Damn—they were getting closer. Rather than shooting back, Pierce crept quietly around the side of the huge building, letting his fingertips trail along the rough plasti-steel surface of the wall as he searched for a door in the dark Osiris night. He found one just as another blast passed over his head and jimmied the lock without too much difficulty even though he couldn’t see what he was doing. Natural mechanical aptitude, that’s what he had. Of course, using it to get into places he shouldn’t instead of in honest trade was one of the things that had gotten him into the mess he was in now.

As he eased the door closed behind him and entered the dim interior of the plant, Pierce reflected that maybe it was time to get out of the urban areas of the galaxy and head someplace more rural—someplace with a quiet, relaxed attitude and no people to recognize him. After all, it wasn’t like he loved living in the big, dirty cities he usually found himself in. It was just that most profitable crimes took place in the city rather than in a cornfield on a snug little moon at the ass end of the galaxy. You had to go where your business took you—that was Pierce’s motto.

There was another blast of laser fire outside but it sounded farther away this time. Good, maybe Shie-lu and his thugs had been thrown off the scent. Speaking of scent— Pierce took a whiff of one of his armpits and wrinkled his nose in disgust. He’d been running since his shuttle kissed dirt on Osiris and he hadn’t even had time for a shower. He wasn’t a guy that minded getting dirty on occasion, but it would be nice to get a chance to clean up. As soon as he got out of this, he promised himself, he was going straight to the Pleasure Baths on Bast Six where there were plenty of friendly whores and lots of opportunities to bathe with them.