Ruin (Ruin 1)

I woke up screaming. And then for reasons I really didn’t want to dig into, let alone discuss with that logical part of my brain that normally made good decisions, I padded my way to Wes’s room.

Just as I lifted my hand to knock, the door swung open.

And I stared slack-jawed at that amazing eight pack. Was I sighing? Yes. Biting my cheek to keep from grinning like a fool? Absolutely. I took my time looking, and my nightmare was officially forgotten.

“Feeling better?” Wes tilted my chin up so that he could see my face.

“How did you know I was feeling bad?” I asked in a sleepy voice.

He sighed and opened the door for me so I could walk in. “I heard you screaming.”

“Oh.”

I looked down at his clenched fists and felt instantly guilty. Embarrassment washed over me as I took a step back. His hands came around my waist, lifting me into the air. In an instant I was lying on his bed.

“No, it’s fine. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. The nightmare’s gone and—” I struggled to get up from the bed, but he held me firm in his arms.

Wes brushed a kiss against my forehead. “You didn’t let me finish.” He gave me a sexy grin. “I was on my way to your room to beat whatever monsters were hiding under your bed.”

“You slay dragons now?”

“Is that what you dream about?” He pulled me against him so we were lying chest to chest. “Dragons?”

“I wish.” I shuddered in his arms. “A lot of times I dream about death, about my parents’ death. They’re drowning and I can’t reach them. I’m always too late.”

Wes’s grip tightened around my waist, his breathing seemed to pick up. Licking his lips he kissed my forehead. “Time’s a bitch, isn’t it?”

I laughed. “Yeah, it really is.”

“If only I would have done this, I should have done this, I could have done this…” He swore. “Life is full of those three.”

“Three?”

“Woulda, shoulda, coulda.” Wes traced my jaw with his fingertip. “It’s human nature to assume that we have that sort of control over what happens to us, but the truth is… life happens and sometimes you’re too late. Hell, sometimes you’re too early. Sometimes you make the wrong choice just like sometimes you make the right one. The only time people ever use those three is when things don’t go the right way. People don’t question themselves when things are going well. They question themselves when things have gone to hell.”

I hadn’t really thought about that.

“You can spend your life in that zone, thinking you have even a sliver of control over things that you have no power over. Rather than concentrating on what you should have done, concentrate on what you can do now.”

“And what’s that?” I asked breathlessly.

“Kiss your totally sexy and wise boyfriend…” He kissed my nose. “Let him slay your dragons.” His lips moved to my cheek. “And know that in this moment… you’re not living in the woulda, shoulda, coulda zone. You’re exactly where the universe wants you to be.”

“In your bed?” I grinned.

“Nah.” His mouth met mine. “In my arms.”

Breath hissed out of my mouth as he pressed his lips against mine. Everything about him was so warm and alive. I pressed my hands against his chest, loving the way his skin felt against my fingertips.

He pulled back, eyes closed, and swore, clenching my hands to his chest as if they were his lifeline, as if my touch was somehow changing his world.

“I can feel you,” he whispe

red. “I love having your hands here.” His eyes opened, but it didn’t look like Wes. It looked like a ghost of him, as if he wasn’t really present with me but somewhere far away. “I wish I could be whole for you.”

“Whole?” I slid my hands to his shoulders and pulled him closer. “You gonna tell me you’re half a man?”

He hesitated and then shrugged “Nah, just wish I could be totally yours, only yours. I wish I could get a do-over.”