Pulse - Part 4 (Pulse 4)

"It wasn't about that, Jessica." His breath hisses out. "It was about helping Cassie."

I close my eyes to temper everything I'm feeling. "Why would you do something like that to me? It's so degrading and so disgusting."

"I'm not proud of it." The words are genuine but they offer nothing to me. "I barely knew you then."

He's right. He barely knew me. We'd only fucked up to that point and if I was being truthful, that's all we'd ever really been. "You barely know me now," I whisper. "You don't know me."

"Jessica. Listen to me." He turns to look directly at me. "I was trying to help Cassie and her kids. I never meant for it to hurt you."

"You made a bet on my body." I slide my hand over my breasts and down my stomach. "You made a bet about my body with him."

"Jessica, please," he breathes, his hand pulling on mine. "I got caught up in helping her and didn't realize how it would hurt you."

"I worked with him." I sigh. "You knew I had to work with him. I went on a date with him and then he harassed me every single day."

"He was so pissed that he lost the bet that he kept after you for weeks. I told him to fuck off over and over again." The words are meant to comfort me but they only push me closer to the edge of the emotional abyss I'm already teetering on.

"You put in me in a horrible position to help her." It sounds childish as the words hit the air. It sounds as though I'm being petty and juvenile. "You allowed me to be a pawn in your stupid little game with him to help her."

"No." The word is breathless. "Jessica, no."

"Nathan." I shut my eyes briefly before opening them to stare at him. "You made a bet with Drew about fucking me when we'd already fucked each other so you could help his ex-wife." I hadn't signed up for any of that when I first went to the club.

"It's not that simple." His tone is raspy and low. "She was getting eaten alive by creditors and he was blowing his money. This was finally my chance to get something from him. I was just taking from him to give to her."

"By using me," I say decisively. "Why can't you see how completely fucked up this is?"

"You don't think I know that?" He jumps to his feet. "You don't think I realize how badly I've fucked up the only thing that's ever mattered to me?"

"Why didn't you just tell me?" I ask while trying to temper all the mounting rage that I'm feeling. "Why the fuck didn't you just tell me what was going on?"

"How?" He's on his knees in front of me now. "What was I supposed to say? You don't think I realized that I was going to lose you the minute I brought it up?"

"The night I danced with Drew…" I stop to pull in a heavy, much needed breath. "That was the night you finally told me your name."

"Making that bet was a mistake the minute it happened." He's pulling on my hands. "When I saw him dancing with you something inside of me switched on. I couldn't stand it. I fucking hated him more than I ever had before."

"That was when you should have told me." I can feel tears racing to the surface. I don't cry. I'm not like that. Please don't let me cry in front of him.

"Jessica." He lifts his chin to look directly at me. "Don't let this come between us."

I thrust my back into the couch at the request. "Don’t let this come between us?" I push the question back to him. "This? You mean the fact that you let me trust in you when you were fucking with me the entire time? That? Is that what you mean?"

"No." His head shakes rapidly from side-to-side. "Listen to me, Jessica. Just listen."

"I've been listening to you for weeks." I know he can hear the exasperation in my voice. It's unmistakable. I'm so tired of his bullshit. First, the fact that he was dating Cassandra, then the fuck phone and now this goddamn bet he made with Drew.

"I made that bet knowing that it wasn't even real." He rests his hands on either side of me on the couch. "I'd already been with you. I told him later that night that I fucked you and he paid up. He just couldn’t drop it. He kept circling you like a fucking vulture."

"How much?" It's a question that has been pulling at me for days now. Part of me wants to know and the other part knows that once I hear the amount I'll be scarred for life.

"The money doesn't matter." His tone is flippant and dismissive. Of course it doesn't matter to him. He's not the one who had a price tag placed on his ass like I did.

"It matters to me." I squirm on the couch cushion, trying to break free of the wall he's built around me with his body.

"Jessica, please." His voice is so soft and ripe with emotion. "Don't ask me that."

"You said you'd never lie to me." I know it's underhanded but it's going to get me exactly what I want from him. "Tell me how much."