Pulse - Part 4 (Pulse 4)

His hands are around my waist before I have time to react. "You came here to get answers and unless you sit quietly and listen, we're never going to get anywhere."

"Never tell me to shut up." I push my index finger against his hard chest. "Never say that to me."

He scoops my hand within his and brings it deftly to his lips. "I'm sorry, Jessica. Please. This is killing me. You're ripping me apart. Can't you see that?"

I tear my hand from his grasp as his words assault me. "I'm ripping you apart?" My voice is barely more than a whisper even though my intention is a scream. I'm so tired emotionally. I'm so overwrought with everything that's happened. Why can't I just turn around and walk out of here? Why can't I just see that he's not good for me?

"Please, just listen. Jessica, you have to listen to me." The tone is pleading and edgy.

I swallow the bitter sting of my anger and lower myself back into the chair. "Five minutes, Nathan. Five minutes." It's all my body will allow me. Hell, I'm not certain I can even make it that long without falling apart.

"I met Cassie at the club like I said. She was so drunk, Jessica. I took her home that night and that's when I realized she had kids." He sits on the corner of his desk. "The babysitter who was there whined about how Cassie never paid her so I covered it. I slept on her couch because I was scared the kids would need something and she was passed right out."

"Allie and Aaron," I whisper their names.

"I fell in love with them." A small smile skirts the edge of his mouth. "Christ, you've seen them."

I nod at the reminder of how sweet they are. "They're beautiful."

"I made them breakfast and played with them." He closes his eyes and looks down at the floor. "There wasn't much to eat at their apartment so I took them to buy groceries before Cassie woke up."

I look away and scratch my neck, trying in vain to ward off all of the conflicting emotions that are racing through me.

"She couldn't cover her bills." He exhales audibly. "I just started paying for things. Almost every date we had was at her place so I could see the kids. I love kids."

It's a confession that catches me off guard. I know he loves his niece and nephew in Boston but this is the first I've heard of his love for children in general. I've never viewed him as the fatherly type. I'm no judge though. To me he's only ever been the type of man who loves to fuck. He's not exactly multi-faceted in my eyes.

"Then she told me that she would go to the club to spy on her ex because he wasn't paying child support." His fist clenches at the mere mention of Drew's role in Cassandra's life. "I offered her legal advice. I set her up with a family law attorney so she could sue for back support, but she backed out."

"He pays nothing?" It's surprising given the fact that I know that he must be making a decent salary at the restaurant.

"She told me that he'd throw her a few hundred dollars here and there but he's so far behind on what he owes." He clears his throat. "Before they divorced he quit his job on Wall Street and decided he wanted to be a chef."

"Why?" I ask not because I expect Nathan to have an answer but because I don't see the logic in anything Drew does. "Why would he give up a good job?" I bite my tongue the moment the question leaves me. I did the same thing. I'd thrown away a great job in Connecticut to come to New York to try and make it in the culinary world.

"He's so fucked. He gambled away virtually everything Cassie owns. She had to go to her parents for help after she and Drew split."

He knows so much about their relationship. He's so immersed in Cassie's divorce and her relationship with Drew. "How could you let me work with him and not tell me he was Cassandra's ex?"

"I didn't think it mattered, Jessica." The words sound genuine, even if I'm not absorbing them that way. "I didn't want it to matter."

"It all matters." I glance at the clock on the wall beside his desk. "Your five minutes are up."

"Don't go." He's back on his knee in front of me. "I'm not done explaining all of this."

"You should have told me who he was when you saw me with him at the club." I can't meet his gaze. I'm so empty right now and he'll see that and press to make things better. "You should have told me everything."

"None of it mattered."

"It didn't matter to you." I tap my hand on his chest. "It all matters to me. Every single detail."

"Let me explain about the bet." The reminder feels like a razor slicing through my skin.

"Why bother?" I push on him so I can rise to my feet. "We're done."

Chapter 6

"Hey, Jess." Cassandra pulls me into a weak embrace. "I was surprised to hear from you."