His Fire Inside

“Ryan’s House, and the LGBTQ community does come away with a lot of money every festival season. I’m always surprised, happily so, to hear about it.” Ryan’s House is actually a number of houses where youth who identify as LGBTQ can go to safely live off the streets, then get help transitioning out on their own. The teenagers are helped with college courses, GED testing, and even apprenticeships and internships.

“Yes, Rourke spends hours pressing for money to go to it. It’s his most personal charity he runs.”

“Ryan’s House is Rourke’s charity? I had no idea.” The idea of a man as thoroughly alpha male personified as Rourke starting a charity in memory of a gay teenager has me cringing from my reverse discrimination.

“Oh yes, Ryan’s House was started in memory of one of his best friends. Ryan was kicked out of his home when he came out to his parents. We were happy to take him in, his parents were never very supportive, and Ryan spent many days and nights in our house. But Jeff, Ryan and Rourke’s other best friend—it was always the three of them—his parents offered before we could. They were great people, which is why it’s so hard to believe what Danny, their other son, did to Ryan and Jeff. Danny had no idea Ryan was gay, but when he found out he became enraged and beat both Ryan and Jeff in the middle of the night. Thankfully, Jeff survived, but Ryan died that night.”

“Oh my god, that is so awful. I knew the charity was named after a boy who died because he didn’t have somewhere safe to go after his parents found out he was gay, but I never knew the whole story. How awful. Poor Rourke.”

“It hit him hard. The three of them were like brothers. It’s the reason why we let him go to Stanford at sixteen instead of giving it another year as we had originally wanted. Rourke needed space and a new focus.”

I nod as I wonder what Rourke had gone through. Once we get to the diner, we see it’s only a little busy. We’re seated quickly, where we both order coffee and biscuits and gravy and split an order of scrambled eggs.

“Just a warning in case Rourke starts acting all jittery and remote: I walked into him coming out of your room this morning. I didn’t say anything, except good morning and that I wished him a good day.” Oh god, I blush so red I get dizzy. Cheryl laughs. “I thought it was quite sweet of him to carry you to bed to allow you to sleep. He didn’t say anything; he shot out of the house like a bullet though.”

“Um...” I can’t think of anything to say. Thankfully, I’m saved by the waitress bringing us our coffee. “So, talk to me about what you used to do with your days before the stroke. We haven’t really talked about it. Am I keeping you from something you used to do? Is there something I can help you with?”

She shrugs as she fixes her coffee. “Mainly I would just knit. My neighbor got me into it. We would knit blankets for the homeless in her daughter’s city of Rochester, there was a charity that distributes them. I liked to bake, cookies and pies, and would share them with my friend who moved to one of those old people communities, but she died and my neighbor moved away. So lately, I haven’t done much of anything. I enjoy reading and watching television. I never used to watch television, but I love the Ne

tflix thing Rourke got me.”

“You can still make blankets by crocheting. I’m sure it will be easy to find the charity online. Is there something you’d like to do? Since you like reading, have you thought about a book club? There are dozens around the city.”

She rolls her eyes. “I’ve tried book clubs before, but everyone was so full of themselves they annoyed me so I never went back. Sure, I can make blankets, it’s nice to keep busy while I’m watching television. What do you like to do other than reading? I noticed you don’t leave the house much on your days off. Do you have any hobbies?”

This lady is slippery for sure. I shrug. “Mainly just reading. Usually I’m balancing school with work, so there hasn’t been time for much else. I missed the enrollment deadline for this semester, I’ll make sure not to next time.”

“Hmm...will you?” A single eyebrow goes up.

I’m thrown by her doubt. “Of course, I had just found out—I. Okay, I don’t know if I will or not. I’m not sure about doing the RN thing now. I love what I’m doing already. I don’t really want to go into a hospital environment where it’s chaotic, with dozens of patients and mandatory ten or twelve-hour days.”

“But can you really see yourself going from one home to another for the rest of your life? Don’t you want to settle down and make your own home? Do you want children?”

I’m saved by our plates coming out. When I look up Cheryl is waiting, she’s not going to let me move on to the next subject. “I don’t know. There’s how you think life is going to go, then there’s what actually happens. I always saw years spent getting my degree, then maybe in my mid-thirties I could slow down and meet someone and a few kids sounded nice, but then I also wondered, could I have kids and be a good mom and doctor? Then the dream changed: as weird as it sounds, I wanted to be a mom but I didn’t want or even see a guy in the picture.

“My ex, he, I don’t know. I thought he was a good guy, no saint or anything, but how could I have been so wrong? How can I trust the next guy won’t be one thing in the beginning, then become someone else completely? I knew Connor for seven years before I ever kissed him. He was my brother’s friend. I know he wasn’t my friend, and there were things I might have missed, but to be so wrong? I don’t know.”

She nods thoughtfully. “I can understand that, dear. My first husband, while I didn’t know him long before we were married, seemed so nice and sweet, as if he wouldn’t hurt a fly. There are no guarantees in life. I think you have to go with your gut, because my gut warned me about my first husband. I ignored it, though, because of his appearance and my need to please my mother. What did your gut tell you about your ex-husband?”

“That it was wrong to marry him. I thought it was because deep down I knew I didn’t love him. Only he acted like he loved me so much I was sure eventually I would grow to love him.”

“So, we didn’t listen to our guts and we paid for it. That’s why now I don’t listen to anything but my gut instinct. It’s the reason why I agreed to dinner with Emilio and said yes to marrying him after only a week. I just knew it was right for me. You have to do what’s right for you, that’s all that matters.”

If only... My gut is telling me I’m in love with Rourke, a man who refuses to commit because of a deep-seated belief that almost caused a rift between him and his mother. How in the hell is this going to turn out good?

After brunch we wind up in a furniture store, as Cheryl is convinced it’s time to let go of the blue furniture. It’s here I find out blue was Emilio’s favorite color. I understand completely now all the blue in the house. I assure her just because she’s taking away the blue, it doesn’t mean she’s removing her husband.

My cell phone rings as I look around to find out where I lost Cheryl in the huge showroom. It’s Rourke. I smile as I answer. “Hey.”

“Hey, how’s it going?”

“Mmm...not bad. I’m in a furniture store the size of a football field with your mom. She thinks it’s time to get new furniture. I’ve lost her though.”

“I’m sure she’ll turn up. Tonight is supposed to be a late night, if I’m lucky I’ll be out of the event by midnight. I’m sure Mom mentioned she ran into me leaving your room. Since she knows, I’m not going back to sneaking around. Even though I know midnight is too late to expect you to stay up waiting for me, I want you in my bed when I get home tonight.”

I’m biting my lip trying not to laugh. “Since you asked so nicely, Mr. Vega, then I’ll give it some thought. I’ll let you know once I’ve made up my mind.”

“Big talk when I can’t get to you. If you aren’t in my bed, prepare to deal with the consequences.” He growls in my ear. I shiver even as I blush.