Where the Blame Lies

She wished she had someone she could clarify some of her recollections with, but she didn’t talk to her friends from college anymore. They’d shown up in the hospital after she’d escaped, but she barely remembered their visit. And they’d called often when she’d finally been released. But she’d been in no place emotionally to talk to them. She’d let their calls go unanswered, never returned any of them, and eventually, they’d stopped trying completely.

She wandered into the kitchen. Zach had already put on a pot of coffee and the scent lured her. She poured herself a cup, added some milk, and went to stand in front of the kitchen window, sipping from her mug as she looked out at the side yard and beyond. The morning appeared peaceful, fluffy white clouds dotting the soft blue sky. Zach’s voice drifted to her. She couldn’t hear what he was saying, just the deep cadence of his voice. She thought back to everything they’d spoken about the night before and felt her expression twist as she drew in a breath. She still couldn’t believe her mother was dead. She’d been dying, Josie had known that. They’d even discussed that her mother wanted to be cremated when the time came. Yes, she’d been prepared for her mother’s death, even not knowing exactly when that would be. So she was surprised at the sadness that gripped her. Surprised that she was capable of feeling any loss for the woman who had caused her more pain than anything. Josie hadn’t truly known her mother, and her mother had never truly known her. They were related by blood, but not much else.

She was even sadder for her mother than for herself, she found. Sad about the way Diana Stratton had chosen to live her life. Because it did come down to choice, didn’t it? Whether or not her mother had been dealt a terrible hand by life—and Josie could agree she had—she’d continued to hold tight to bitterness, to share her pain with the people she was supposed to love. Like Josie, her child. But Josie didn’t harbor resentment about that anymore. And despite her own poor hand, she’d never turn into her mother. She’d chosen not to let bitterness rule her. She’d never continue the cycle of pain and abuse. Never.

The front door opened and closed and she turned when Zach entered the kitchen. “Morning,” he said, setting his phone down on the kitchen table.

She leaned against the sink. “Morning.”

“How are you?”

She nodded. “I’m fine.” His eyes moved over her face, as though looking for something he thought might be in her eyes that wasn’t in her voiced answer. She looked away for a moment, taking a sip of coffee. “I think . . . I think I need to call my friends. The ones I was close with during the time I was attacked.” She looked down, not wanting to feel the small trace of shame that still rose within her when she thought back to that time. “The ones I was close with when I was seeing Professor Merrick.” The ones she’d been with that last night in the before. The ones she hadn’t been able to bear seeing in the after when she’d become a completely different person and they’d remained the same. Their lives had continued on a natural orbit, whereas hers had derailed so significantly. Irreversibly. But had theirs remained the same as she had initially thought? Reagan, God, Reagan. Her apartment had been broken into, her roommate had been taken from the bedroom on the opposite wall of hers. How did she live with that? Reagan had been drunk and hadn’t gone home with her. Had Reagan blamed herself for that, she wondered? Maybe their lives hadn’t been as unchanged as she’d thought.

She brought her eyes up and Zach was studying her, a small frown creasing his brow. “You don’t have to, Josie. If you have questions you think they might be able to answer, I can interview them. Or Jimmy will.”

She shook her head and turned, placing her empty mug in the sink. “No. I . . . I owe it to them, Zach. They tried to reach out to me so many times and I ignored their efforts. They might not remember anything that will be helpful as far as the recent abductions . . . murders. But maybe they knew something about the professor that I didn’t. Reagan was in his class with me. Even if it doesn’t amount to anything, I have to try.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. It’s something I can do.” She felt so helpless, so scared and confused, and calling her old friends was not only long overdue, it was a way she could assist in the case unfolding in horrifying ways right before her eyes.

He was silent another moment before he nodded. “Call them.”

Josie went to get her phone. She hoped their numbers were still the same. She hoped they were willing to talk to her.

She hoped they could find it in their hearts to forgive her.

**********

Josie removed the sheet of cookies from her oven, setting it on the stovetop and inhaling the sweet scent of melted chocolate chips. She heard footsteps behind her as she began to scoop the cookies onto a plate. “You good?” he asked.

She turned, handing him a warm cookie with a smile. He took it, taking a big bite. “Goth that’s gooth,” he said around a mouthful.

Josie laughed, turning back toward the stove and using the spatula to place another cookie onto the plate. Zach took a few steps to the counter and leaned against it, facing her. Josie nodded, answering the question he’d asked a few moments before. “Yeah. I’m good.” She was nervous, but excited too. Both Cooper and Reagan had sounded so happy to hear from her and agreed immediately to come over. Thankfully it was Sunday and neither one had plans. Or if they had, they’d cancelled them for her.

A vehicle sounded in the driveway and Josie turned, running her hands down her hips. Zach gave her an encouraging nod as she walked toward the front door and pulled it open. She stepped onto the porch and stood waiting as the man getting out of his car spotted her. Their eyes met across the distance and for a heartbeat neither moved. But then a wide smile spread over Cooper’s face and he began walking toward her. Josie descended the two steps and covered her mouth as her own smile erupted. She rushed toward Cooper and he took her in his arms, hugging her and spinning her around as she laughed.

“My God,” he said, setting her on her feet and stepping back. “You look good.”

She grinned, taking him in, his thick head of dark hair, deep brown eyes crinkled slightly at the corners as he smiled back at her. Cooper. My God. He was so beautiful, he almost stopped her breath. “So do you, Cooper. Thank you so much for coming. How are you?”

“Are you kidding? I was so happy to hear from you after all this time. I’ve . . . thought about you so often, Josie. Wondered how you are. Worried about you . . .” Concern etched itself into his features. Her gaze fluttered to his lips as they turned down. Cooper had always been beautiful. But he’d also always been kind.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get in touch,” she said. “I . . . it’s been hard for me.” She took a deep breath, mustered a smile. “But, I’m doing a lot better now.”

“Good,” he said, his voice soft. He squinted behind her at the farmhouse. “This place looks like a slice of heaven.”

She looked back at her home, seeing it with new eyes—not ones that saw every repair and fix she still had to tackle, but ones that noticed the true peace of the place, the quiet charm. Or maybe it was that she was seeing it with old eyes for a moment—the ones that had held the golden vision she’d kept highlighted in her mind through the dark, lonely days of her captivity. “It’s getting there.” She smiled. “Come inside,” she said, turning and leading the way.

Zach stepped into the doorway, one hip leaning on the frame as he watched them approach. He looked so right there, and for a moment Josie’s heart stalled.

He stepped back so they could enter, and Josie closed the door, pushing the feeling that had just swept over her aside. “Cooper Hart, this is Zach Copeland. He’s a detective for the Cincinnati Police Department. He’s working on the cases we talked about on the phone, the ones that involve me and . . . Marshall Landish.”

Cooper nodded, shaking Zach’s hand. “Nice to meet you.” Zach tilted his chin, a strange look on his face as he eyed her good-looking friend. Was that . . . jealousy? She shook the thought off. Surely not. Anyway, Cooper was gay . . . not that Zach knew that.

They moved into the living room and sat down, Cooper putting his elbows on his knees and leaning toward Josie. He met her eyes, tilting his head slightly as he looked at her. “This must be really hard for you.”

“It is. But Zach . . . Detective Copeland and his whole department have been wonderful.” She looked at Zach and then looked down shyly for a moment, and when she looked up, Cooper had a small, knowing smile on his face, his eyes slightly narrowed as he glanced at Zach and then at Josie. He winked at her and she blushed, but an awkward laugh bubbled up her throat. God, she really didn’t know how to take friendly teasing anymore, how to be . . . light and . . . casual. Maybe she’d lost the ability completely. She wiped her palms on her jeans, feeling nervous and fidgety despite her happiness at seeing Cooper. “How are you, Cooper?” she asked. “Tell me what’s going on in your life.”