Jack's Baby

He looked blank, as though he’d lost connection with her train of thought.

“Charlotte, our baby. Do you love her?” she repeated anxiously, needing to hear him say it.

The light switched on behind his eyes again. He reached out and took her hand, pressing it with convincing fervour as he answered, “Yes. Yes, I do.” He sounded almost surprised at his own words.

Was it true?

“We’re a family,” he added insistently.

Nina clutched at that concept, too, eager to push aside the single-parent status she had carried for so long. She didn’t have to be a single parent. She didn’t want to be. Jack was giving her a chance to have it all…the three of them.

“A family,” she repeated, fiercely resolving to embrace the idea in every way. No shut doors. The sense of togetherness had to be held and nurtured. Belonging to each other—that was what family should mean. Belonging so deeply that love and trust and support could be taken for granted.

Her inner turmoil eased. It slid into her mind that Jack was right in saying human beings made life more complex than it had to be. Of course, he must love Charlotte. He wouldn’t be asking for honesty if he wasn’t prepared to give it himself. She laced her fingers through his and closed her eyes, concentrating on the warmth and strength of his touch.

Together…

A family.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

FEELING raw and sore for a week was no exaggeration, Nina discovered. She could not have coped alone, even if she had wanted to. Going home with Jack proved to be the best solution to everything. It was a revelation in so many reassuring ways. Nina was constantly being shamed for having harboured any doubts and fears about a future with him.

He was kindness itself in looking after her and seeing to her needs. The community nurse visited every day to supervise her medication and recovery. Jack fed her, washed her, helped her do whatever she wanted and gave her loving company.

If she was awake he shared Charlotte’s feeding times with her. It was too painful for her to hold the baby, but she was happy to watch Jack handling their child, talking away as though Charlotte understood him perfectly and always including Nina in the conversation, welding them into a family unit. He’d put a rocking chair in the bedroom, and he’d sit for hours sometimes, beaming with love and pleasure in both of them.

When she had first seen Charlotte taking eagerly to the bottle, Nina had felt a deeply distressing confusion. Had she only imagined the special bonding between mother and child arising from the physical connection of breastfeeding? It hurt to feel she wasn’t necessary at all. Not even missed. Left fragile in every sense by the operation, she had been unable to block a rush of tears.

“It’s no different to her,” she blurted out in answer to Jack’s concern. “The bottle is just as good.”

“It might be now she’s got used to it, Nina, but let me tell you she gave us the rounds of the kitchen the first time up,” Jack said with an expressive roll of his eyes. “All of us were on tenterhooks, trying to please her with a substitute, and she knew jolly well she wasn’t getting mother’s milk.”

It distracted Nina from her sense of loss. “All of you? Who do you mean?”

“Gary and Ben and Spike. I talked Charlotte through it while they gave me backup support.”

Nina listened in amazement as he described his scientific method of trial and error, the assistance given by his apprentices, Charlotte’s reactions, the advice he had given her and the final acceptance of the third formula. She wished it had all been taped on video film, the three men handing bottles around, the dog getting in on the act, the baby the focus of all attention and efforts to please, missing her mother in no uncertain terms.

“You did wonderfully well, Jack,” Nina said in sincere admiration, immeasurably cheered by this story.

His smile gave her heart another lift. Everyone wanted approval, she thought. And praise. Recognition of what was given. Love and appreciation went hand in hand.

“Try not to be upset about the bottle-feeding, Nina,” he urged, his green eyes soft with warm sympathy. “I know it’s a disappointment to you, but next time we’ll know better. You’ll be able to breastfeed as long as you want to.”

“Next time?” she echoed uncertainly.

“Uh…” He looked discomfited and tried to dismiss it. “Just an idea I had. Bit premature. Forget it. The important thing is Charlotte’s okay. Nothing for you to worry about.”

“You’re not being honest with me, Jack,” she chided. “Why not play the idea past me?”

He shrugged and grimaced appealingly. “It sounds like I’m assuming too much. You said not to rush you. Let it go for now, Nina.”

“I’ve adopted an open-door policy. I’m listening, Jack,” she said persuasively, wanting to know his innermost thoughts and dreams.

He gave her the direct look that zinged straight into her heart. He hesitated for a few moments, needing to reassure himself he wasn’t about to make a mistake. She returned his gaze steadily, projecting her desire to share in every sense.

“I didn’t like being an only kid, Nina,” he said tentatively. “Since we’ve got Charlotte…I thought, maybe in a year or two…if you felt up to it…”