The Problem with Forever

Plus, it helped that Rider was becoming more serious about his future, and studying for the SATs had helped endear him a little to goal-oriented Carl. Winning him over completely was harder, but I could tell Carl was beginning to respect him. He was starting to see him as more than a boy with no future who was going to lead me down the wrong path like the Pied Piper of Hotness, but their walking in on us all wrapped up together probably wasn’t going to help matters. I started to sit up.

Rider’s arm tightened around my waist and he rolled slightly, shifting me under him. My hands lifted to his shoulders, and when I looked up, my heart stuttered at the sight of his half grin. “Where you going?” he asked.

“Up.” My fingers closed, gathering the material of his shirt. “Carl will...kick you out of the house...if he finds us like this and you don’t even want to know what Rosa will do.”

“True.” He dipped his head, running his nose over mine. “Rosa still scares me.”

I giggled.

“You think that’s funny, but she really does.” Tipping his head to the side, he kissed my cheek. “I’m convinced she knows how to deliver as much damage as possible with a single punch. She’s a doctor. She knows things.”

Laughing again, I tried to picture Rosa punching anything and failed. I patted his shoulder. “You’ll be okay.”

“I might need you to protect me.” He kissed my other cheek again.

The corners of my lips curved up. “I...I can do that.”

This time his lips brushed my temple. “Sorry about falling asleep as soon as I got here. We haven’t been able to spend a lot of time together, and the first time we do and I’m not studying or working on a car, I sleep on you.”

I kind of liked him sleeping on me. “It’s okay. You’ve been...working hard. How do you think you did?”

Rider lifted his head. “I think I did pretty good. Only a few questions really threw me.”

Thrilled to hear that, I smiled. “Are you excited?”

“I guess. I mean...” He trailed off, brows knitting. “There’s still a lot that’s got to fall into place. I have until June to get the form in for financial aid, but it’s going to be hard getting in with my grades this late in the game. I’d have to have blown the SATs out of the water.”

“But you have spring. If you don’t get into the fall semester, it’s...not over,” I reasoned. “Before you know it, you’ll be at College Park with me, studying visual arts.”

“You’re right.” A wicked little grin tugged at his lips. “I think we should celebrate.” Pausing, he waggled his brows at me. “We have fifty minutes now. I only need, like, five of them.”

“Oh my God,” I laughed, shoving at his shoulders. “You’re terrible.”

“I’m not terrible.” His eyes met mine, and the flutter was back, deeper and more dizzying. “I’m in love.”

Oh, gosh. My heart swelled like a balloon, and all I could do was stare at him for several seconds before I managed to whisper, “I love you, too.”

“I know.” Rider lowered his mouth to mine, and the kiss scattered my thoughts. I was still shocked that a kiss had that kind of power, that when his tongue touched mine, I could forget everything in the world.

The kiss ended all too soon. Rider shifted off me and sat up, lifting my legs so they were in his lap, and I sort of lay there, arms lax at my sides as I stared at him. A goofy smile split my lips, and I didn’t care. I was thinking about how we could utilize the remaining fifty minutes.

“How’re things with Dr. Taft?” he asked as he shifted his legs, spreading them a little. “I didn’t get the chance to ask you yesterday.”

Huh? I started to frown. I was over here thinking about getting back to kissing and other stuff, really nice stuff, and he just mentioned my therapist’s name?

Rider smacked my leg lightly and chuckled. “Focus.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, but focusing was hard when my body felt like I’d been out lying in the sun. “It was...good. We talked about how I was feeling and how I was...handling stress.”

I’d started seeing Dr. Taft once every two weeks again. Mainly because I felt like I needed someone who wasn’t a part of everyday life to just...talk things out, because I still had work on myself to do. It had been really depressing at first, because it had been two years since I’d spent time in his office. Like I’d somehow gone back into the past instead of progressing forward, but Taft drilled something into my head that was so important. Something I’d already known, but really needed to understand.

The past never went away and it was not designed to do so.

It would always be there, and it should be acknowledged. Dr. Taft insisted that attempting to erase the past would only lead to a crisis in the future, and he was right. My past could not be surgically cut out of me. It couldn’t be removed from Rider. What happened to Jayden couldn’t be forgotten.

My past was a part of me and it molded who I was today, but it was not the sum of who I was to become. It did not control me.

Rider leaned over and found my hand. He threaded his fingers through mine and squeezed. “I don’t want to lose you.”