False Colours

Accepting the situation as he found it, Kit replied sympathetically: ‘I know, love! They come not single spies, but in battalions, don’t they?’

‘That sounds to me like a quotation,’ said her ladyship mistrustfully. ‘And it is only fair to warn you, Kit, that if you mean, after all I have endured, to recite bits of poetry to me, which I am not at all addicted to, even at the best of times, I shall go into strong convulsions – whatever they may be! Now, isn’t that odd?’ she demanded, her mind darting down this promising alley. ‘One hears people talk of going into convulsions, but have you ever seen anyone do so, dearest?’

‘No, thank God!’

‘Well, I haven’t either – in fact, I thought they were something babies fell into! Not that my babies ever did anything so alarming. At least, I don’t think you did. I must ask Pinner.’

‘Yes, Mama,’ he agreed, removing the hat from her hands, and setting it down carefully on a table. ‘But are you quite positive that this very beautiful bonnet is to blame for your headache? Might it not be the outcome of your journey? You never did like being shut into a post-chaise, did you?’

‘No!’ she exclaimed, much struck. ‘I wonder if you could be right? It is beautiful, isn’t it?’

‘Quite captivating!’ he assured her. ‘Did you purchase it to console yourself for all the troubles which have descended on you? What, by the way, was the particular trouble which brought you here in such a bang?’

‘Kit!’ uttered her ladyship. ‘That terrible old woman is coming to visit us here next week, and she is bringing Cressy with her!’ She waited for him to speak, but as he appeared to have been struck dumb, and merely stood staring at her, she sank into a chair, saying: ‘I knew how it would be if I were obliged to visit her! Well, I knew that no good would come of it, though I didn’t foresee such an ordeal as this. If I had had the smallest notion of it, I would have said I was going to stay at Baverstock – and, what’s more, I would have done so, much as I detest your aunt! But I had already told her that I was coming here, and so the mischief was done. How could I say I wasn’t coming here after all? You must perceive how impossible!’

‘Mama!’ interrupted Kit, finding his voice. ‘Do you mean that Lady Stavely is going to give us a look-in on her way to Worthing?’

‘No, no, what would there be in that to dash one down? She and Cressy are coming to spend a week or two here!’

‘A week or two? But they can’t! they mustn’t be allowed to! Good God, what can have induced you to consent to such a scheme? You surely didn’t invite them?’

‘Of course I didn’t!’ she said. ‘Lady Stavely invited herself!’

‘But, Mama, how could she have done so?’

‘Good gracious, Kit, I should have thought five minutes in her company would have been enough to show you that there’s nothing she’s not very well able to do! Besides, she led me into a trap. She is the most odious old witch in the world, and she always overpowers me, ever since I was a child, and positively dreaded her! Oh, she is too abominable! Would you believe it? – the instant she clapped eyes on me, she said that she saw I had taken to dyeing my hair! I was never more shocked, for it is quite untrue! It is not dyeing one’s hair merely to restore its colour when it begins to fade a little! I denied it, of course, but all she did was to give the horridest laugh, which made me feel ready to sink, as you may suppose!’

‘I don’t suppose anything of the kind!’ said Kit, roused to unwonted callousness. ‘Why should you care a straw for anything Lady Stavely chose to say? It is too absurd!’

His mama’s magnificent eyes flashed. ‘Is it, indeed?’ she said tartly. ‘I marvel that you should have the effrontery to say such an unfeeling thing, when you know very well that never did your Great-aunt Augusta visit us but what she put you and Evelyn out of countenance within two minutes

of seeing you!’

His formidable (and happily defunct) relative having been thus ruthlessly recalled to his mind, Mr Fancot had the grace to retract his unkind stricture. ‘Less!’ he acknowledged. ‘I beg pardon, love! So then what happened?’

Bestowing a forgiving and perfectly enchanting smile upon him, Lady Denville said: ‘Well, then, having made me feel as if I were a gawky girl – which, I do assure you, Kit, I never was! – she became suddenly quite affable, and talked to me about you with amazing kindness! Which shows you how cunning she is! For even if she did make me feel as if I were a silly chit I don’t doubt she knew that if she had uttered one word in disparagement of either of my sons, I should – I should have slain her, and walked straight out of the room!’

On the broad grin, Mr Fancot interpolated: ‘Bravo!’

Lady Denville received this applause with becoming modesty. ‘Well, dearest, I should have been roused to fury, because nothing enrages me more than injustice! I may be a frivolous widgeon, but I am not so bird-witted that I don’t know that no one ever possessed two such sons as mine! However, Lady Stavely said nothing about you to which I could take exception. Then she told me that although she perfectly acknowledged that Evelyn is a catch of the first water, she had come to perceive that marriages between persons who are not – not thoroughly acquainted with each other don’t always lead to happiness. She said – not in the least exceptionably, but with true kindness! – that she was persuaded I must agree with her. Which I do, Kit! Then she confided to me that although she had wished very much to invite Cressy to live with her, when Stavely married Albinia Gillifoot – oh, Kit, she dislikes Albinia even more than I do! we had the most delightful cose about her – she had not done so, because she is too old to take her to parties, and so what would become of Cressy when she dies? She said she would be obliged to live with Clara Stavely, and dwindle into an old maid. Which is why she wishes to see her suitably married. Then she said that she believed that, with all my faults, I was truly devoted to my children, and she was persuaded I must feel, as she does, that before coming to a decision Evelyn and Cressy ought to know one another better. Well, dearest, what could I do but agree with her? Especially when she told me that I must be the last person to wish to see my son make an unhappy marriage, for that was what I did myself. I must own, Kit, that I was very much touched!’

His pleasant gray eyes looked steadily down into hers, the suggestion of a smile in them. ‘Tell me, Mama, were you so unhappy?’

‘Often!’ she declared. ‘I have frequently fallen into fits of the most dreadful dejection, and if I were inclined to lowness of spirit I daresay I should have sunk under the trials that beset me. Only I can never stay for long in the dismals, for something always seems to happen which makes me laugh. You may say that I’m volatile, if you choose, but I do think you should be glad of it, because there is nothing so dreary as ticklish women, behaving like watering-pots at the least provocation, and being for ever in the hips! And in any event my sensibilities have nothing to do with the case! The thing is that as soon as I agreed that it would be desirable for Evelyn and Cressy to become better acquainted Lady Stavely floored me by saying that since I had the intention of joining you here she thought it would be an excellent scheme if she were to bring Cressy on a visit. I hope I didn’t look no-how, but I fear I must have, for she asked, in that sharp way of hers, if I had any objection? Dearest, what could I say but that I thought it a delightful scheme, and only wondered that it hadn’t occurred to me? I may be volatile, but I am not rag-mannered!’

‘Couldn’t you have made some excuse? Surely you must have been able to think of something, Mama?’

‘I thought of several things, but they would none of them do. Indeed, I had almost said that one of the servants here had begun in the small-pox when it very fortunately struck me that if that had been so you wouldn’t have come to the house. And though I did think of saying that it was you who had the small-pox, I couldn’t but feel that it would be a shocking bore for you to be obliged to remain cooped up here for weeks and weeks – and we must remember, Kit, that Evelyn may come back at any moment! Well, you know what he is! We should never be able to persuade him to take your place in the small-pox.’

‘Mama, why, in heaven’s name, small-pox? Scarlet fever in the village would have been much better, if you had to make illness the excuse!’

‘Yes, but I couldn’t think of any other illness except the measles, and depend upon it Lady Stavely and Cressy have probably had them already.’

He began to pace up and down the floor, frowning heavily. After a pause, he said: ‘I shall have to go away – back to Vienna, where, indeed, I must go pretty soon!’

‘Go away?’ she cried, in the liveliest dismay. ‘You cannot do so, when the Stavelys are coming purposely to see you! It would be beyond anything!’

‘It could be accounted for. I could be taken ill in Vienna, or suffer a serious accident – something very bad! No one would think it odd of Evelyn to go to me immediately!’