It's Only Love (The Matthews Family)

Then Natasha bounced up from the couch and grabbed her purse.

“Victor. I gotta go.”

And just like that, Natasha was gone.

I looked down at my hard dick. What just happened?

Well I knew it was too good to be true if I were honest. Natasha wasn’t mine.

I ran my hands across my face and inhaled her scent. I finished my wine, got up from the couch and then headed for the bathroom to take a cold shower.

Chapter Ten

Natasha

There comes a time in everyone’s life where you say enough is enough. I thought it was just a cliché, but here I am. I’ve arrived. Enough is enough. Today, I have really had it.

I had reached the point where every day with Lloyd had become a chore. When I look at him, it was no longer with a look of affection. Looking back, I should have known then that we would end up here. Lack of affection was just the first sign that I had no desire to spend any time with him. I could very easily go the entire day and not think of him once.

Sure, we did the usual; because schedule was so important to him, he’d call at his usual times. I’ll continue working and listen while he talks about his agenda and maybe there’ll be some mention of how that agenda involves me. Then he has to go, I say okay and hang up. When we are both at the condo we move around each other without actually engaging each other in any meaningful way, and then we go to bed. I avoid having any sexual contact with him and then we go to sleep. Dealing with Lloyd was a responsibility. It was the right thing to do.

I know what you’re thinking.

You think this is about Victor; but believe me, it’s not.

Even though his touch still lingers on my skin.

Even though the taste of him in my mouth stays with me.

Even though how intensely I came in his arms will never be something I can forget.

That’s not why I’m done. No, I knew it was wrong being with him the way I was that night and that’s why I had to run away and as bad as I wanted to go back to his place to finish it, I couldn’t. Not even when the guilt of leaving him the way I did entered my mind. It was wrong. I was not only in this failed relationship with Lloyd, I was still living with the man. And that made it wrong, because I had respect for myself.

So, it is not about Victor. This is because Lloyd is wrong for me. Period.

The truth is, I am tired of living in the box Lloyd tries to keep me in, and I was fed up with being made to feel like I was nothing more than his trophy woman. I wanted to feel like Lloyd cared about me. I wanted to believe he valued me, that I was misinterpreting his actions that seemed to suggest otherwise. He’d make me feel that I was wonderful to have around at times, but I was an inconvenience at others.

That was confusing until I realized the box I was in.

In the meantime, I created a lot of excuses in my mind for the reason that things were the way they were, but weren’t really true. I had convinced myself that Lloyd’s sometimes rude, inconsiderate, or thoughtless remarks, were something other than his way of informing me that I stepped outside of the box. But that was exactly the case.

There were times when I felt like Lloyd was knowingly hurtful or neglectful. It always left me feeling demeaned, disempowered, disrespected, and stuck in a relationship that was going nowhere. Not being able to share with my partner was like dying a slow death. And I had to ask myself; why am I settling? I mean, we aren’t married; I actually do have a choice.

So, finally I came to the conclusion that sometimes people’s actions actually do speak louder than their words, and my interpretations were accurate.

Mathematician, you know.

“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”

It’s a quote from an unknown author that my daddy told me the day he left the country after the divorce. That day I tried to tell him that love was always worth fighting for. That love would always find a way to put the pieces back together. He told me that I was wrong, and today I agree with him.

So when Lloyd walked through the door that evening, I allowed him the chance to put his things down but when he moved in to peck my cheek, I pulled away and went to sit down on the couch.

“What’s wrong?”

“We need to talk.”

“What about?”