Dad Bod (Under Construction 1)

Laney grabs the mic from my hand and spits out, “Word!” Needing to play music, because that’s what I do—I am a DJ.

I look down at the table then over to Bryn, eyebrows raised as if asking, which one of these buttons do we push? She shrugs, so I push the first one I find, not wanting to lose momentum.

“Let’s get this place bumpin’,” Bryn shouts to the crowd. And we’re all ready to bust out into our best bad girl moves when the somber waves of “Shallow” fills the room, completely killing the vibe based on the abundance of boos from the crowd. Laney, Erin, Bryn and I just stand there, staring out into the crowd like what the hell do we do now? When the loud ruckus of laughter penetrates our thoughts, we look out to see Carter, Maverick, and Madden absolutely losing it.

CHAPTER NINE

MADDEN

We walk into Nell’s just in time to save the girls from a string of charges, from destruction of property to indecent exposure and destruction of music.

Jordan quickly presses buttons on the turntable, trying to change the song, but the DJ—finally having enough—storms the stage to recover the damage by the drunken quartet.

“What a total fuckin’ embarrassment,” Carter grumbles before he charges toward the stage to help a staggering Laney down the steps. I follow quickly behind him with Maverick in tow.

“Had enough fun for the night, Lan. Let’s get you girls home.”

“Weeee woooo! The Fun Police are hot on the scene!” Laney shouts in Carter’s face before pushing past him and staggering toward the exit. The fuck?

Carter rolls his eyes, his lips moving as if he’s talking to himself, but I can’t understand a damn thing he’s said as the music drops, blaring the sounds of Post Malone crooning on and on about sunflowers.

Maverick wraps an arm around the other two girls and leads them toward the exit, ever the playboy with his flirting ways.

Jordan bumps into my chest, a drunken smile gleaming across her face. “Madden! I missed you! Where’d you come from? Your arms are getting big!? Damn I’m good, ain’t I?!”

She smooths her hands over my arms, gripping at my biceps, and I stare starstruck at the beauty before me. There was never a doubt in my mind to Jordan’s beauty, but this isn’t the everyday hard-ass trainer I’m used to seeing. Her honey brown eyes are accentuated with sharp eyeliner and thick mascara, and her soft brown curls are loose and hanging down her back. Her body is wrapped tightly in a red dress that leaves little to the imagination. How she’s walking out of this damn bar tonight alone is beyond me, but part of me is glad that she is.

“You sure as hell are, darlin’. Now, let’s get you girls home, okay?” I palm the small of her back and guide her outside. And guidin’ her ain’t no easy feat.

“You’re going home with me? Hot damn, how’d I get so lucky! I look hot tonight, and not a damn one of these fuckers even attempted to flirt with me! I’m offended!” she whines, stumbling in her sky-high heels.

“Total dicks,” I reply, just keepin’ with the conversation. I don’t realize my poor choice of words until it’s too late.

“I wish! That’s why we had a girls’ night. Laney said my girly bits have cobwebs.” She stops dead in her tracks and clasps her hand over her mouth, her eyes widening in shock. I cover my mouth with my hand to stifle my laugh, but the shake of my shoulders gives it away. “Fuck! I’m sooooo stupid when I drink!”

“It’s just the alcohol talkin’, darlin’.”

“Don’t I fuckin’ wish. At this point I’d pay for it.” She glares at me. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk anymore tonight.” She smiles drunkenly, her tantalizing brown eyes glassy and dilated.

“I won’t hold any of your drunken statements against you.”

“Would you two hurry the fuck up!” Carter shouts. “Bryn’s gonna get arrested for public intox if I don’t get them off the damn street, and I can’t wrangle them up alone!” Fuckin’ hell. By Carter’s truck, Bryn is buckled over, grasping her stomach as she chucks all over the sidewalk, all the while Erin and Laney are running circles around the truck shouting, “Weeee woooo, weeee woooo!”

I don’t know what the hell we did to deserve this kinda karma, but never again will I be subjected to girls’ night out.

“STOP!” Carter shouts as he latches his arms around Laney’s shoulder and pulls her against his chest. “You’re gonna get your ass put in jail, and so help me God, Laney, I’ll leave your ass in the drunk tank for the night!”

“Weeeee woooo, weeeee woooo!! Fuckin’ Fun Police on the scene!” She kicks and screams, thrashing wildly against him.

“What did you have to drink! You’re fuckin’ psycho tonight,” he complains as he wrestles her into the front seat of the truck and quickly buckles her in. “Damn it!” he shouts as he slams the door.

Bryn climbs into the back seat willingly, and Jordan slides in beside her. Jordan’s sister Erin, however, is now skipping around the truck while shouting, “I’m 100% that bitch!”

“Fuckin’ hell!” Carter groans, tugging at his hair. I’d laugh if I was a lesser friend … ahh, what the hell. This shit is funny as hell. He throws me a pointed glare and says, “Really, taint sucker?”

I shrug. “What do you expect me to do, Carter, clothesline her? Trip her?”

“I’m half fuckin’ tempted.” He deadpans, huffing. “Last call for a ride, Erin. Pullin’ out in three.”