Dad Bod (Under Construction 1)

“Look! I gots one for my home too!” she squeals, showing me the other little pink bag as she gets comfortable in her seat beside me.

An assortment of tea and cookies are served throughout the party, all while Belle fills me in on the actual “tea” surrounding her preschool. Who knew that girl drama started this young? I know all about who plays with who on the playground and who sits with who at lunch. Belle delivers all this information with such dramatic flair that it’s hard not to be sucked into her world and hang on her every word.

Brooke and Harley stand and leave the party without so much as a word or look in our direction. I’m not even sure why they came. All they did was complain and bicker the entire time. The tea was too cold, the cookies were stale—blah, blah blah. After ten minutes, I tuned them out and focused solely on Belle. I will never understand people like that, people who look for a reason to be unhappy.

Pointing her little pink nail toward Harley’s back as they walk away, Belle says, “Hers likes Kenny.” She rolls her eyes and continues. “But hers too girwly. She don’t like to shoot balls or nothin’.”

“Is that so?” I ask her, to which she nods. “Are you ready to go?”

“Sure am!” Belle gets up from her chair to leave but stops and turns to me. “Hey, JoJo,” she asks, “still gots that selfie of us?”

I nod, but I have no clue where she’s going with this.

“Can you make that the picture on your phone wall so everybody can see?”

“Sure I can, pretty girl.” I make quick work of changing my wallpaper and hold my phone out to her, showing her the background screen that is now our selfie.

“Yass!” She fist pumps and turns to walk away, but not before I hear her say. “Take that, Kenny.”

*~*

“She fell asleep?” Madden reaches into the back of my Jeep and unbuckles Belle, gently pulling her into his chest. “Did you give her somethin’ to knock her out?” he whispers, laughter in his tone.

“I’d never!” I feign offense, following him up the steps of the wrap-around porch with Belle’s gift bag in hand. Unsure of whether I should follow him inside, I wait by the front door while he lays Belle on the couch and covers her with a throw. He comes out to the porch and sits on the swing, his arm relaxed against the back.

“What’s in the bag?” he asks, motioning for me to sit beside him. I hand it to him and take a seat. He pulls the frame out of the bag and smiles. Madden wears love well, and the expression on his face can only be described as unconditional love. He’s such a good daddy.

“Looks like my girls had a good time?” He gently sways the swing.

“Although it wasn’t really our scene, we still had a blast.”

“I appreciate you takin’ her, Jo. I don’t think you understand

the impact you have on Belle’s life.” There’s a softness to his tone that I’m becoming more accustomed to hearing whenever something tugs at his heart, and Belle certainly has a way of doing that.

“I love that little girl, Mad. She’s so kind-hearted, caring, and funny. She makes my heart so full and happy.”

Madden’s fingertips trace slow and lazily against my shoulder as we swing, a silence falling over us.

“Belle’s been havin’ night terrors the last couple months. Wakin’ up at night in screamin’ fits, cryin’ out for her momma.” He pauses, and I hesitate to look at him because I know it’s taking a lot of strength for him to talk to me about this. “Casey and I split up when Belle was only two years, and I should have started the fight for custody then. I didn’t realize so much was goin’ on with Casey. She put on a good front, actin’ like the best momma. She never fought with me about spendin’ time with Belle, even when it wasn’t my day. We got along for the most part, until things drastically changed. Casey suddenly became withdrawn, keepin’ her distance. Almost as if she was tryin’ to close me out.”

Madden pauses and blows out a staggerin’ breath, and I notice the slight tremble beneath his touch. “Mad … if this is too much. It’s not important to me—”

“But it is to me, Jo. You’re part of our lives.” I nod, completely taken aback by his confession. “Casey suddenly stopped answering my calls, and it had been weeks since I’d seen my daughter. Every time I stopped by the house, the lights were out, the doors were all locked. I even went as far as having the police do a welfare check, and they reported that Casey and Belle were fine from what little they could tell.”

The tremors in his voice grow harsher, and I finally work up the nerve to glance in his direction. The walls around my heart crumble to pieces, and I lean against his side, trying to lend him my strength.

“Casey finally called and told me I could bring Belle to my place for a couple of days. She sounded so depleted, and I couldn’t understand why she was trying to be a single parent when we had been co-parenting just fine. I told her I’d be right over after work to pick Belle up. But I was too eager to hold my little girl, so I cut out early and drove into the city to Casey’s house.

“I didn’t even knock on the fro

nt door. The sound of Belle’s breath hitching with each and every ear-piercing wail was the driving force behind pushing my way inside.” Madden’s face is stained blood red with fury as he tries to steady his breathing.

“I couldn’t believe what I was seein’. My baby sat on the living room floor, a filthy mess, her clothes drenched in pee and sweat. She couldn’t even talk, she was so upset. Trash was strewn all about the floor, dirty dishes stacked all over the counters. I picked my girl up and cradled her to my chest to comfort her, and she held onto my neck as if I was her only lifeline. And I was.”

“It took her several moments to catch her breath, she was so distraught and wracked with fear, but the tears finally subsided. I bathed her and rubbed her down in lotion, then I dressed her in the cleanest outfit I could find in the heap of laundry shoved in the corner of her bedroom. Every step I took through the house was littered with trash and clothes and toys. I had no idea how long my kid had been living in this condition.”

“Mad, you can’t blame yourself. Casey shut you out. You tried, honey.”