Out of Character (True Colors 2)
Well, wasn’t that the question of the week! And I had a flip answer ready, but the part of me that truly was trying to change, the part that felt safe and true around Jasper but no one else, that part let a whisper escape. “What if that’s not enough?”
“It is. You are enough.” Jasper’s voice was firm as he squeezed both of my arms next to his car, looking deep into my eyes. For a second I thought he was going to kiss me, right there in the open, and shockingly, I was disappointed when he shook his head as he released me instead. “You don’t believe me.”
“I…” I couldn’t lie. “I’m trying.”
“Okay.” Shoulders slumping, he nodded. “I’m going to be late if we don’t hurry.”
“I can do the bus—”
“On a Sunday? You’ll be waiting an hour. No.” Jasper gestured for me to get in the car. “We’ll just hurry.”
“My life is in your hands,” I joked as we sped through town, but I meant it on multiple levels. What if I wasn’t changing fast enough for him? What if he got tired of waiting for me to figure my shit out?
Before I could find anything resembling an answer, we arrived back at my place. And I’d had every intention of kissing him goodbye, but he was looking straight ahead, not at me. I glanced up at the apartment window and couldn’t tell whether the curtain actually moved or not. Crap. My stomach cramped.
“You’re going to be late,” I said instead of kissing him, patting his leg like that might make up for my weak goodbye.
“Yeah.” Jasper finally looked my direction, and when he did, his eyes were sad again. “Text me?”
“You know it.” I smiled for him but wasn’t surprised when he didn’t return it. I slowly made my way up to the apartment where I discovered nine million beer bottles, a dozen empty pizza boxes, a weird stench, and Luther asleep on the couch, arm batting at the window. What the hell? I could have kissed Jasper after all. I was such an idiot.
“What happened here?” I put all my disgust at myself into my tone.
“Sorry.” Luther blinked awake, shoving his dingy hair out of his face, and yanking his T-shirt down. “Must have fallen asleep out here.”
“You reek, man.” I was so not in the mood to sugarcoat it. “Good party?”
“I guess. James went home with someone.” Luther managed to seem rather shocked that no one had chosen him and his three-day-old T-shirt to get lucky with.
“Good for him.” The less we said about who went where last night the better, as far as I was concerned.
“Yeah. He better show back up by tomorrow, though. Job’s sending our crew across town.” Luther made a pained face. The two of them worked for a janitorial services company, managing to make more than me even as they complained bitterly about the work, which involved a lot of cleaning up after construction and renovation projects. “It’s at the hospital. I better not get sick, all the viruses there.”
“Dude. All the viruses here.” I gestured at the filth before heading to the kitchen for some trash bags.
“Okay, point taken.” Luther groaned and headed to the bathroom.
Even after I heard the shower click on, I couldn’t shake my unease. I should have been happy. We’d scored one of the missing cards. But I could still see Jasper’s sad eyes, the questions he hadn’t asked, the kiss I hadn’t given him. I tossed a few more beer cans before fingering the scrap of paper in my coat pocket with the information about that room for rent. I needed to get out of this place. And hell, what was that about James and Luther being assigned to a hospital? Was it the children’s hospital?
Even if it was, no way could I bail on Jasper now, not after he’d done so much for me. I took some deep breaths. I could do this. I was a changed—changing—person. It would all work out. I had to believe that, had to ignore the wobble in my stomach. Jasper was counting on me, but maybe more important, I was counting on me.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Jasper
My phone dinged with a message as soon as I let myself into my room after work, and I didn’t have to look to know who it was. I miss your room.
Because your roommates trashed your place? Jaw tight, I typed fast. I was still all kinds of mixed up where Milo was concerned, even more so after our awkward parting. I’d had that moment in the parking lot when I’d gazed deep into his eyes and I’d seen uncertainty. Like peering into a murky crystal ball and seeing the shadow of a guy who didn’t quite believe he was worthy.
He might be trying to change, but he was also scared to death of the possible consequences of those changes. And that made it hard to trust that any changes he made would stick. Which Milo was he going to be long-term? My best friend or the guy who ghosted on me when I needed him? Frustrating as all of that was, however, he was also the guy who had held me all night long, the one who made treasure hunting fun, and the one I couldn’t wait to see again. Not surprisingly, my heart still thumped when a reply came in.