God of Temptation (Immortal Matchmakers, Inc)

For example, these last few years, Maury had actually gotten a job with Damien Greystone, the immortal tailor, who had been dressing the gods for over a decade. Cimil, Acan, Votan, Colel, Ah-Ciliz, Zac, Kinich, Akna, K’ak, Chaam, Forgetty, Ixtab, Máax, and even Camaxtli, the ex-goddess formerly known as Fate, visited the shop frequently. Then there were the likes of vampires, Maaskab, weres, fairies, ghosts, mermen, trolls, zombies, and one-offs like Nessy and Bigfoot.

Biggie F., as he went by these days, really needed XXXL sizes, including those socks.

It was perfect; Maury lingered quietly in the back of the shop, stocking inventory or doing the books, while Damien tended to the customers out front, listening politely to tidbits about their intimate lives. Maury had learned a lot during those years and began quietly formulating his plan. Not only would the gods pay for banishing his kind, but he would ensure they never returned to the human world. They would remain locked away in the deepest, darkest corner of the underworld forever. Now that I control the place.

Still, that wasn’t enough. He wanted to give the deities something to stew over while they rotted away. He wanted them to regret what they’d done and to leave their souls festering with rage and despair.

Almost like a demon, but not nearly as cool.

Maury looked down at Tula, feeling his soul being pulled back to the underworld. It was time for the next phase of his plan.

Like the other gods, Zac believed he could only enter the human world through one of their sacred cenotes found in the jungles of Mexico. Pompous idiots always thought of themselves as special. Fact was, the gods were too absorbed in their little lives to understand where they’d come from, how their gifts worked, and why they were here at all.

Demons, on the other hand, had nothing better to do than to look for the angles.

Maury’s soul tingled with delight. The age of demons is upon us. This world would become one giant demon utopia. Just look at all the progress we’ve already made simply by creating Twitter! The demons’d mastered how to turn one half of the planet against the other with a laptop, several million fake demon accounts, and the touch of a button. And the gods thought they’d banned us from the internet? Ha!

“Gola!” Maury snapped his fingers. “Where are you, girl?”

Gola was hideously ugly. Her pink skin had a grayish hue, and her stringy blonde hair resembled a dog’s chew toy. But what she lacked in looks, she made up for in loyalty.

“My king, I am here.” Gola appeared in the shadows, holding a lantern and canteen.

“What took you so long?”

“I,” slurp! “got turned around in the last cavern, my king.” Slurp!

“Well, hurry up. We have much to do.” After Gola and Tula made their switch, he had to get Hilbert through the portal. Then Zac. As for himself, he would be making his grand entrance soon. “And be sure to give your new body plenty of water. We don’t want it dying on you.”

“Yes, my king.” Slurp!

“And be careful when you do the switch. We do not want any harm coming to her.”

“Yes, my king.”

Gola grabbed Tula’s arms and dragged her off to the portal down a ways. The two women would take a swim together in the hot spring, and Gola would push Tula out of her body.

Ah. And now it is time for the next big surprise. After that, Maury had more fun in store for the “famous” God of Temptation.

CHAPTER TEN

Present Day

Tula woke with half her face covered in spit and a massive headache in her big fat demon head. Honestly, she didn’t know how Gola carried it around. This huge demon body was completely out of proportion.

Slowly she sat up in the waterbed, wondering how she’d ended up here in Zac’s apartment.

Ow, ow, ow. She pressed her hands to her temples. Why had she attacked that bottle of tequila last night? Sure, it made her feel good while she and Hilbert danced and forgot their broken hearts, but then things got crazy. Hilbert had seen Zac kissing Gola and lost it.

Not that I can blame him. She wanted to kick the crap out of Zac, too. How the heck could he not recognize her? Sure, this body was almost twice as tall and smelled terrible, but on the inside, she was still the same person.

But it was exactly like Maury had said: Zac didn’t really love her. She had been another conquest, another human to tempt.

But as Tula thought those words, her stomach churned. Her heart ached. She didn’t want to believe it. She was no fool, and the times she’d been with Zac, she’d felt his love. She felt it in her soul.

Gods, I need to eat. She needed a clear head to think. She slid off the waterbed and followed the sound of whirring in the kitchen. She found Hilbert making something in the blender.