The Boyfriend Blog

Congratulations on the birth of your baby. My condolences to your vagina at this difficult time. —Liz

months later

“Ohmigod. Ohmigod. Ohmigod.” I pinch my eyes shut and squeeze my sister’s hand. She screams when I scream.

“You’ve got this,” Dr. Brooks says from his spot at the end of the bed. “Only a few more pushes and the baby will be here.”

“I can’t make it. It hurts too much. Give me drugs.”

Emily scowls at me from the bed. “You’re not the one giving birth here, I am.”

“But we’re twins.” I blot the sweat from her forehead. “I feel your pain.”

Dr. Brooks laughs. “Are they always like this?” he says to Jonathan.

“Pretty much.”

“Are you ready?” I ask, watching her contraction peak on the monitor.

“Okay, Emily, I need another hard push from you. Here we go. Push push push push. Attagirl. Push again. There he is.”

A loud shriek pierces the air.

“A he?” Emily asks, looking at Jonathan. He nods his head and kisses her cheek.

“It’s a boy. Congratulations, sweetheart. You were amazing.”

“I love you, Jonathan.”

The new parents kiss and hug while I watch my nephew get cleaned off. He’s a wiggly mess of blood and something else. I cringe. How can something look so disgusting and precious at the same time? “Ten fingers, one penis, and eleven toes.”

“What?” Emily and Jonathan say at the same time.

I grin. “Just kidding. Only ten.”

My sweet nephew is transferred to Emily’s arms, and I slip out of the room and run smack dab into Aiden.

“Well?” he asks.

“It’s a boy. How’s my niece?”

“She’s the most beautiful little thing I’ve ever seen.”

I frown, and Aiden pulls me to his side. “Second to you.”

I laugh. “I don’t mind taking second to your niece.”

“Would you like to meet her?”

“I’d love to. I want to give Emily and Jonathan some time alone before we go back in to meet the baby.”

Aiden wraps his arm around me, and we walk to Millie’s room. “Knock, knock,” he says, opening the door.

Millie is sitting up in the hospital bed, a tiny bundle of pink wrapped in her arms. Calvin is sitting on the edge of the bed, looking adoringly at his two girls.

“Would you like to hold your niece, Aunt Lizzie?” Millie asks.

“Please. What’s her name?”