Nice Until Proven Naughty

“I have a matching Santa coat.”

“Of course you do.” Avery takes a breath and turns to the rest of the group. They’re all dressed as elves, although their costumes aren’t nearly as cute as mine. “What do you guys think?”

Colin, Brian, Curtis, Greg, Barry, and Garrett are all smiling, clearly not at all bothered by my outfit.

Sarah doesn’t look quite as pleased, but she still shrugs. “Let her wear it. If I had tits like that, I’d flaunt it.”

My eyes widen, and Garrett chokes.

“Sorry.” Sarah pats his back.

I clap my hands together, ready to move this show on the road. “Okay, if we’re all good here, I say we hit the road.”

Which is exactly what we do twenty minutes later, after everyone uses the bathroom and puts on their gloves. We start at the center of town and work our way out.

By the time we’re two hours and a bazillion miles in, I realize Avery was right. I am cold—freezing to be exact. My nipples are so hard that if someone tried to tweak them, they’d probably pop right off.

And these heels… I swear to Santa I’m throwing them away as soon as we get home. I can’t believe I wear heels like this every day. I’m going to have blisters for days.

“Let’s call it a night,” I suggest after we hit all the houses on our list.

“Thank God.” Avery cups her hands into a ball and blows.

By the time we get back to the Community Center, I’m shivering to the point that my body hurts, and I remind myself that I just have to get through another few days of caroling, and then I can check this box off my list.

But those three days turns into four, thanks to an unexpected snow storm that shuts us down early. It’s two nights before the party, Nice just left my house in a killer red dress and matching heels, and I show up at the Community Center ready for the last night of caroling. We still have fifteen houses to hit up, which would be fine if the other carolers were here and ready to go.

“Where is everyone?”

Garrett shrugs and pops a cookie into his mouth. “There’s almost a foot of snow on the ground.”

I roll my eyes. “We live in Montana. There’s always a foot of snow on the ground.”

“Yeah, but it’s bitch-titty cold outside.” I look at him. Garrett flushes bright red and looks away with a mumbled, “Maybe they thought we’d just be done after last night.”

“Maybe.”

We wait another thirty minutes, and then I turn to Garrett. “I’m going out. Are you coming with me?”

“Uh, sure.” He pulls the elf hat over his head and puts on his gloves. “But I have to be home by seven because my sister flew in for the holidays and we’re having a family dinner.”

“I’m sure we can get to all of the houses by then.”

Garrett and I head east, toward the final three roads. We make it to the last house, and Garrett is climbing into his car to leave, when I see a lone porch light off in the distance.

“Who lives out there?” I holler past the howling wind.

The temperature has dropped considerably since the sun went down, and our below-freezing temperatures are now paired with the sting of blowing snow.

“No clue,” he yells back. “Don’t bother. Just go home. It’s getting nasty out.”

I nod and climb into my car. I watch Garrett leave and put my car into reverse, ready to go home. A nice hot bath, cup of cocoa, and my fuzzy socks will be the perfect way to end my day.

But there’s something about that darn light that keeps me from pulling away.

Screw it. What’s one more house? I’ll trudge up to the front door, and if I’m lucky no one will be home. If I’m unlucky, I’ll sing “Amazing Grace”—a song I’ve perfected this week—and call it a night.

Happy with my decision, I turn around and head down the country road toward the house. The closer I get, the more I realize that the snow is beginning to drift and parts of the road are nearly impassable.