Nothing.
Zilch.
Nada.
“Well..." Quinn pleads, urging Levi to continue.
Pushing the magazines to the end of the coffee table, Levi makes a spot for himself and sits down, facing me. “We talked about everything, really. I don’t think I ever told you this, but he and I kept in touch off-and-on over the past five years. During that time, he didn’t really ask about you at all. In fact, he avoided any and all conversation that could have led to your name being mentioned.”
I flinch at his unexpected words; they're a complete slap in the face. It’s hard to imagine that I upset Tyson that much. Did I seriously hurt him so badly that he couldn’t stand the thought of even hearing my name? Swallowing hard, I work to keep my emotions in check, but I can’t prevent the small quiver that starts in my chin or the sting in my eyes as tears form.
“Please don’t cry.” Reaching out, Levi grasps my hands in his and Quinn moves to wrap her arm around my back. “I’m not telling you this to upset you," he soothes. "I’m telling you this because he told me why he acted like that, and I think it's something you need to know.”
I wipe away the few tears that manage to escape. “He did?” I ask, unable to control the shakiness of my voice.
Levi takes a deep breath and blows it out harshly. “I’m not sure I should be telling you this, but I can’t not tell you."
Burying my face in my hands, I try to prepare myself for what's about to come out of Levi's mouth.
Please. Please. Please don't let this break me.
"Harley." Levi’s voice is gentle as he removes my hands from my face before lifting my chin so that he can look me in the eye. "He came back for you...five years ago, he came back for you."
“Oh my God!" Quinn gasps, bringing her hand to her mouth. At the same time, I let out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding.
“What? What do you mean he came back for me?" I ask quickly. My mind works to process what exactly he’s trying to say. One tear trickles down the side of my cheek and then another and another.
"Sweetheart, I don't know all of the details. Maybe someday Tyson will tell you everything, but he asked to have dinner with me last night because he wanted to tell me what happened when he did come home." I know Levi is trying to take his time and make sure that I'm okay, but right now I just really need him to spit it out. I wipe away my excess tears and raise my eyebrows at him, silently pleading with him to keep going.
He takes a deep breath and rubs his hand across his mouth. "He came back four weeks after Dallas' funeral, Harley. He came by your house, but he never did talk to you because he thought you had moved on."
No. Why would he think that?
I rub my forehead, eyebrows squished together, and stare at the ground. "I don't unders—" Oh my God. My chest tightens as realization dawns.
We fought two weeks before Dallas died, and he came back a month after the funeral. That m
eans he came back...Oh God. Six weeks later. He came back six weeks later. My head starts shaking on its own accord and a sob rips from my throat as the memories flood my mind.
My fingers curl inward, tightly gripping my hair. I'm numb. Completely numb. I tug harder, needing to feel something—anything. Rocking my body back and forth, a small groan escapes my mouth.
This isn't happening.
This can't be happening.
Please let this be a dream. Please.
Pulling my head out of my hands, I turn my tear-streaked face up to the sky and contemplate what in the hell I ever did to deserve this. I've always been a kind person; I've always gone out of my way to help people and serve the community. I've gone to church every Sunday and I've never gotten into trouble. I did everything I was supposed to do. I graduated high school and finished all four years of college. I don't understand what I did wrong.
"Please say something." The heat from his breath caresses my cheek. He's been so quiet that I actually forgot he was even sitting next to me. Turning my head, I lock eyes with his and allow the anger that consumes me to pour out.
"What do you want me to say, Levi? What the fuck did I do to deserve this?" I don't mean to snap at him, but I can't help it. I wish he would just fucking leave and let me handle this on my own.
I stand up and start pacing the length of the porch, trying anything that might expel all of this energy coursing through me. Tilting my head back, I stare at the dark, star-speckled sky.
"Where the fuck were you when I needed you?" I shout, allowing my soul to expel six weeks worth of pain. "You fucking abandoned me! It wasn't bad enough that I was RAPED? I was FUCKING RAPED! WAS THAT NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?!" My voice cracks on the last word, the tightness building up and clogging my throat.
Goddamn. Why am I so fucking numb? I clench my fists, allowing my nails to bite into my skin, desperate to feel something...anything. I squeeze my eyes closed, releasing a fresh batch of tears and scream. I scream at everything...and nothing.