Levi runs his hand through his hair. "I honestly don't know, Harley. Maybe that's something you will have to ask him."
Quinn clears her throat and looks at me, and then over at Levi curiously. "Wait a minute. I don't understand. You guys didn't start your 'thing' until Max was two. Did it start the night you found out you were
pregnant?"
"No," Levi and I reply at the same time.
"Crap,” I murmur, rubbing my hands over my face. "I don't know what came over me that night...I don't even know how to try and explain it. I was so scared and devastated and...just numb. I was completely numb. And if it weren’t for Levi..." Looking up, I reach out and grip Levi's hand in mine. "It was just a reaction. I don't know how or why, but it just felt like the right thing to do."
I look at Quinn and smile. "But to answer your question, no, nothing officially started the night I found out I was pregnant with Max. Levi and I talked a few days later, and we agreed that I had reacted out of emotion and that neither one of us felt anything for each other."
Quinn fails miserably at trying to mask the hurt in her eyes. She thinks I lied to her.
“Quinny, I didn’t tell you about the kiss because it wasn’t important. You know I’d never lie to you about something like that.”
“I know." She sighs, giving me a sad smile as she reaches for her wine glass and takes a small sip. “So that’s it?" she asks Levi. “That’s all he said at dinner, just that he came back for her?”
“No,” Levi replies. There’s that damn smirk again. “He wanted to ask me if you and I are together.”
This doesn’t change anything.
This can't change anything.
“Well...what’d you tell him?”
“What do you think I told him?" he asks, giving me a classic that-was-a-stupid-question look. "No. I told him no. I told him that he was a fucking idiot for not talking to you five years ago and that he completely misunderstood what he saw. I told him we aren’t together and we never have been.”
“Did you tell him that you’ve slept with her...more than once?" Quinn asks with a gleam in her eye.
Levi stands and stretches his arms above his head. “First of all, you two talk too damn much. I don’t even want to know what all you know,” he says, waving his hand toward Quinn. She looks at me and winks, effectively decreasing the tension in the room. “Second...hell no. It’s not my place." He turns his gaze to me. "If you choose to tell him about us someday—which I’m certain you will—then that’s your choice. I’d never tell him something like that without talking to you about it first.”
“You didn’t tell him about Max, did you?" I ask nervously, wringing my hands together.
Levi shoves his hands in his pockets and pins me with an annoyed look. “That’s a stupid question. Of course I didn’t. Again, that’s not my story to tell.”
“Holy moly, this is like a Jerry Springer show and I’m the live studio audience." Lifting her hands in the air, Quinn acts as though she’s a narrator, even altering her voice for optimal performance. “Girl tells best friend she loves him. Best friend leaves girl. Best friend’s best friend helps heal girl's broken heart. Best friend returns only to leave again...only to return again." We all chuckle at her impromptu performance. “Wow,” she continues, “I did not see all this coming when I came over here tonight. Seriously, Harley, you can’t make this shit up.”
“You didn’t see this coming?" I ask incredulously. “What about me? This changes everything.”
WHOA! What? Where did that come from? I’ve been saying all along that this changes absolutely nothing. I’ve clearly been lying to myself.
“So...now what?" Quinn asks, looking at me curiously and then at Levi. Reaching up, she starts twirling a strand of hair around her forefinger. It’s a nervous habit the both of us share.
“Now, Miss Quinn,” Levi says, pushing her hand out of her hair. “Now we sit back and watch Harley fumble her way through this. It should be quite entertaining." Levi has a goofy smile on his face and his deep blue eyes are smiling warmly at me. Reaching down, he pulls me up to him, wrapping me in a tight hug.
“I’m gag ewe fine gas runny," I mumble into his shirt.
His deep chuckle vibrates through me. He pulls back and I tilt my head to look at him. “I'm sorry you find my gas runny," he says with a smirk.
“I said I’m glad you find this funny.” I frown up at him as Quinn walks up behind me and they sandwich me in a hug. I love these two so much. Tears sting my eyes just thinking about everything they have done to help me get to where I am today. I wouldn’t be here if they didn’t love me and believe in me as much as they do.
It’s after ten o’clock before I end up kicking them out, refusing their multiple attempts to help me clean. “Go!" I say, pushing them out the door. “I need to clean. It’ll give me time to think."
Two hours later, I’m still cleaning an already spotless kitchen because I can’t seem to keep my mind from going in a million different directions. I’ve not only cleaned every nook and cranny in the refrigerator, but I also took care of the stove, microwave, and toaster oven.
I force myself to take a shower, fighting off a thousand ‘what ifs,’ and crawl under my crisp, cool sheets. I toss and turn for over an hour before I finally give up. Reaching across my bed, I run my hand along the underside of the mattress until my fingers hit the edge of what I’m looking for. Pushing myself up against the headboard, I lean back, pulling my knees up to my chest.
I stare at the old, tattered picture. The edges are falling apart and there are numerous smudges and tear stains. I’ve been able to find comfort in the picture off and on over the past five years, pulling it out when I felt like I couldn’t remember what he looked like or what his voice sounded like.