“The semester starts in six days. There was a last-minute cancellation . . . that’s how I got in. That’s why it’s so sudden.”
Tears are swimming in her eyes, but that does nothing to subdue the anger that is boiling up inside me. She bites down on her bottom lip, a small quiver taking root in her chin, and I grip my hair tightly, spinning away from her. “Christ, Laney,” I growl, my voice echoing into the empty night.
As hurt as I am by what she’s just told me, it’s what she didn’t say that’s bothering me the most. Those three little words that I was dying to tell her were not reciprocated and that slices right through me. Did she even hear me say it?
“This doesn’t have to change anything.” I can feel her body behind me, the familiar scent of her perfume wafting through the air. I hang my head in defeat. What am I going to do if I can’t see her every day? She has become my life. I go to bed thinking about her, I wake up thinking about her . . . hell, I probably even dream about her.
Not to mention, she’s bound to get noticed. A girl like her catches the eye of every hot-blooded male within a five-mile radius. I’m going to go insane not being able to be there, and it very well might kill me not knowing who she is talking to or what she’s doing at any given time. And when am I going to see her? It’s not like either one of us can afford to travel back and forth.
“This changes everything.” There has to be somewhere closer for her to go to culinary school. This can’t be the only option. “I don’t want you to go. I don’t want to be away from you.”
Her eyes soften, but something about that pisses me off. Reaching out, she grips my forearm and gives it a gentle squeeze. I don’t pull away, mostly because something inside of me is screaming that this may be the last time we touch. “It’s only for a couple of years. I have to do this, Levi.”
“I can’t do a couple of years.” My words come out surprisingly calm considering I’m about two seconds away from punching the goddamn wall.
Her hand falls from my arm as she takes a step back. “What do you mean you can’t do a couple of years?” Her words are slow and careful.
I need her to pick me. I need her to pick us. If she just gives us a chance—a real chance—one where she isn’t thousands of miles away, we can make this work. I just need to finish school, then we can work at getting her into culinary school and I’ll happily follow her wherever she wants to go. If she leaves now, we’ll never make it. I won’t survive it. Jesus, I probably sound like a fucking pussy, but I need her. When she’s not around, I feel like I can’t even breathe. Right now I need to know that she feels the same way about me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
When I look up, big doe eyes are watching me . . . waiting. As much as I want to pull her to me and tell her everything is going to be okay, I can’t. My stomach clenches hard and tight as rejection and a ton of other emotions that I can’t even name rip through my body. “If you leave”—I glance over her shoulder, unable to look her in the eye—“we’re over.”
“You don’t mean that?” She lunges toward me, but I step back. Tears streak down her face and my hands itch to make this right, to somehow make it work.
“But I do.”
She sobs, frantically wiping the tears from her face. “We can make this work. You’re making this into so much more than it is. Please, Levi, you have to understand that this is my chance to get out of this town and start a new life.”
“A life without me.”
“No,” she says, shaking her head vehemently.
“Really?” I yell, throwing my hands out to the side. “How do you suggest we make it work? You won’t be able to afford to fly home, and I can’t afford to fly to California.” Her mouth snaps shut. She knows I’m right. “What are we going to do, talk on the phone every night? Sure, that might work in the beginning, but what happens when school starts to get busy and those calls start getting missed? What happens when I start wondering where you are and who you’re spending time with? Or vice versa . . . what if you start wondering where I am or who I’m with?”
Laney crosses her arms over her chest. She’s frustrated. Good, so am I. “You don’t trust me?” she scoffs. “You think I’m going to go away to school and just forget about you . . . forget about us?”
“I don’t know, Laney, you tell me!” Adrenaline is coursing through my body. My lungs are heaving, my heart racing.
“I trust you, Levi.”
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t.” I don’t mean it. I don’t. But I’m hurt, and this is what fucking happens when I’m hurt. I’m stubborn as hell and I feel the need to hurt back, which judging by the look on her face, I hit my mark.
Her eyes are like daggers shooting straight through me, but I don’t budge. “So what’s it going to be, Laney?”
“You want me to choose? You want me to give up my dreams . . . my one chance to get out from under my dad?”
It kills me that I’m doing this to her. Lord knows I don’t want to give her an ultimatum, but I know me, and I know I can’t do long distance. I know that if she just chooses me, I’ll move heaven and earth to make every fucking dream of hers come true. “Yes. I’m asking you to choose.”
Laney’s hand covers her face. Her shoulders bob several times as soft cries float from her mouth. A few minutes pass and then she straightens her back, wipes the remaining tears from her face, and looks at me sadly. “I’m sorry.” She hiccups on another sob and her shoulders hunch forward. “I’m so sorry, but I have to do this, Levi.”
Her words slam into me like a freight train. My mind goes blank, everything around me dissipating into a mass of emptiness. Without thinking, I reach for the vase and hurl it across the patio. Hand-painted glass shatters against the wooden deck, sending two dozen Calla lilies into the air. A faint scream echoes through the breeze, but my mind blocks it out as I grab one plate and then the other, slamming them into the side of the restaurant. A loud roar rips from my lungs, echoing through the quiet summer night.
“Levi, please.” A shaky hand touches my arm and I whip around, wrenching free from her grip. The sight of her tear-streaked face infiltrates my soul and rips open my heart, a place that I will never allow another woman to ever go again. I can feel large steel walls slam down around my heart, effectively closing it off.
My eyes fall on hers, which are full of fear and anxiety. I don’t want to scare her. That wasn’t my intention, but she hurt me. And I’ve already been hurt by another woman, one who walked away from me without a second glance. Chose a different life . . . one I didn’t fit into. Unfortunately, I was only twelve and didn’t know not to trust and love another woman again. Well, this time I’m older, wiser, and I’ll learn from my mistakes.
Swallowing hard, I turn to look at the destruction my anger left behind. Closing my eyes, I grip my hands behind my neck, tilting my head up to the sky. “You need to leave.” My voice is soft . . . resigned.
“Levi, plea—”