A Lover's Lament

“Because my mom is gone for the night, Chris’s brother bought us a keg of beer, and who else is going to give the preppy kids somewhere to let loose and disobey their families?”

“Fine,” I surrender, flopping my arms out to the side. “Let’s go get our party on. Just promise me that you won’t invite Marybeth to the next party you have.” My lips curl as though I just smelled something bad and Devin smiles, only this time his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. Instead, it fades as though he just realized something.

“What’s wrong?” Sitting up, I wrap the sheet around my chest.

Devin slides off the bed, grabs his boxers and jeans off the floor, and tugs them on without saying a word. My stomach churns at the forlorn look on his face, and I scramble from the bed, moving close to him.

“Devin, what’s wrong?” My mind races with an endless amount of possibilities as to why he suddenly looks so defeated. Did he not enjoy what we shared? Did I somehow disappoint him?

“Shit,” he hisses, stepping away from me. My arms hang limp at my sides as I watch and wait for him to say whatever it is that’s on his mind. “I was trying to tell you something before”—he waves his hand absently at the bed—“before …”

“Before we made love,” I state, stepping in front of him. He must catch the look of anxiety on my face because his eyes soften and he blows out a long breath. Reaching out, he hooks his arm around my shoulders and pulls me against his chest.

“I was trying to tell you something and I didn’t get a chance to, and it’s big, Katie. I wanted to tell you before we—”

I laugh. “Made love. Come on, Devin, it’s not that hard to say.”

“It makes me sound like a pussy.” I giggle against his chest and he mumbles a curse. “Fine. I wanted to tell you before we made love, because it’s important.”

“Okay.” Pulling out of his arms, I give him a curious glance. “So tell me now.”

Gripping my shoulders, Devin nudges me back on the bed before wiping his hands on the front of his jeans. “Okay. There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it.”

“Devin, you’re scaring me.”

“We’re moving, Katie. Mom and I are moving.”

My brows furrow as my mind works to process what he just said. “You’re moving? Like to the country, or across town?”

Devin’s face falls and he shakes his head. My chest constricts painfully. “Pennsylvania.”

“What?” Jumping from the bed, I shake my head as my throat starts to clog. “What do you mean you’re moving to Pennsylvania? Y-you can’t move.” Clutching my hand above my heart, I rub absently over a dull ache. “She can’t just up and move. W-why would she do that? What’s in Pennsylvania?”

My chin trembling causes my lips to tilt downward, and I spin away, trying to maintain some sort of composure. Devin’s hand snaps out, grabbing my arm. He tugs until my back is pressed against his chest, and then he wraps his arms around me and props his head on my shoulder. “I hate this, Kit Kat.” A sob tears from my throat at his use of the nickname he gave me in elementary school. Tears roll down my face and I reach up to wipe them away. “Trust me, the thought of leaving here—of leaving you—rips my heart out, and if there was any way for me to stay, I would.”

My mind races with solutions, because he can’t leave. He’s my best friend … he’s the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. “What about Chris?” Turning in his arms, I rest my hands against his chest. Chris is Devin’s best friend, and Chris’s parents love Dev. “I’m sure his parents would let you stay and finish out the year, and—” My words die off in my throat when Devin shakes his head. “Why not?”

“Katie,” he whispers, cupping my face in his hands. “I can’t let my mom move alone. She needs me.”

“You guys don’t even get along,” I grumble, taking a step back. “She treats you like shit.” Devin’s eyes widen and I want to apologize for the harshness of my words, but I can’t because they’re true. Too many times I’ve sat talking with him over some stupid stunt his mom pulled. I’ve watched him nearly break down time and time again over the way she’s treated him and now this. Now she’s just going to rip him away from his entire life—from the only life he’s ever known?

I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down, but it doesn’t work. Adrenaline, anger, confusion, and sadness … they’re all running through my veins at warp speed. I can’t seem to make sense of any of it, and I need some time to sort through all of this. Everything I thought I knew just changed. My foreseeable future just shifted, tilting my world on its axis, and I need to get a grip on myself before I can get a grip on the situation.

Grabbing my underwear and skirt from the floor, I slip them on.

“Katie?”

Scurrying around the bed, I look for my shirt. I know it’s around here somewhere; it couldn’t have gone that far. The power of Devin’s stare weighs heavily on my back. He’s following me around the room, I can feel it. I spot the gauzy material on the floor, along with my bra, and snatch them both up.

Devin steps in front of me as I slip on my bra. “Katie, please talk to me. Don’t do this; don’t go quiet on me.”

“I’m not going quiet.” Tugging the shirt over my head, I run my hands down the material, a feeble attempt at pulling myself together. “I just need … a minute.”

Devin’s eyebrows nearly touch his hairline. “You need a minute? No”—he shakes his head and reaches for me, but I dodge him—“what you need is to talk to me. We will work this out. It’s only temporary. I’ll be eighteen this winter, and as soon as I can, I’ll come back. This isn’t the end … please don’t think that.”

“Isn’t it?” I ask, whirling around on him. “You’re moving to Pennsylvania, Dev. That’s like a thousand miles away.”

“Eight hundred,” he mumbles.