A Lover's Lament
“Wyatt.” Flipping my phone shut, I toss it on the table and bite off another chunk of my licorice.
“How is Wyatt?” Bailey asks. Oh shit. She doesn’t know that we broke up. I give Maggie a ‘help me here’ look and she widens her eyes in a ‘what do you want me to do’ look. Bailey’s gaze slowly travels between the two of us. “I’m missing something here. What am I missing?”
I already know that this won’t go over well. Bailey has always been a big fan of Wyatt. “We, uh …”
“They broke up.”
“What?” Bailey gasps at Maggie’s declaration. “What do you mean you broke up?” she asks, her head whipping in my direction. “What happened? He left you, didn’t he?” Shaking her head in disbelief, Bailey pushes away from the table.
“She left him,” Maggie states nonchalantly, shrugging when I glare at her.
“You broke up with him? Why on earth would you do that? You guys have been together forever.”
“I don’t love him.” It really is that simple.
“You—you don’t love him?” Bailey’s head rears back as though I just slapped her. “How can you not love him? You don’t just fall out of love with someone, Katie.”
“Okaaaay,” Maggie drawls. “I think it’s time for me to go.” Excusing herself from the table, she shrugs on her coat, grabs her purse and then bends down, whispering a quick ‘good luck’ in my ear before walking out. All the while, Bailey continues to stare at me in shock.
“What do you want me to say? I’ve felt this way for a while, and I refuse to apologize for doing what I need to do to be happy.”
“But I thought you were working on things. How is this working on things?” Disappointment flashes across Bailey’s face. “I can’t believe this.”
“You don’t have to believe it.” As much as I want Bailey’s support on this, I know I’m not going to get it. She scoffs, crossing her arms over her chest, and frustration bubbles up inside of me. “It doesn’t concern you, Bailey. You don’t have to understand it; you don’t even have to like it.”
My skin prickles with annoyance as Bailey leaves her spot at the table and follows Maggie’s lead of shrugging on her coat and grabbing her purse. I’m not going to beg her to stay. As much as I don’t want her to leave right now, and as much as I do want to fix things between us, I refuse to let her opinion on this matter sway me at all. I know I did the right thing. “Bailey—”
With a heavy sigh, she twists around to look at me. “I don’t understand this, Katie. I don’t understand you. Wyatt is a good man, and he doesn’t deserve this.”
“He is a good man, but I did what’s best for me, Bay. That’s what I need you to understand.”
“Whatever.”
Her dismissal pisses me off, and I shove up from the chair and follow her toward the door. She reaches for the handle, and in a last ditch effort to keep her from leaving, I grab her arm. “Quit being so stubborn and let’s talk about this.”
“Pot meet kettle,” she mumbles before opening up the door, slipping through it and shutting it softly behind her. I walk numbly to the couch, dropping down with a big sigh then burying my face in my hands. What the fuck just happened?
The loud buzz of my phone vibrating from the other room grabs my attention, so I walk in and pick it up to find yet another text from Wyatt. It took about a week after our breakup before his texts came rolling in. It started with ‘I’m sorry for the way I acted’ and slowly progressed to ‘Please don’t do this, we can make this work’ and ‘I love you so much.’ Despite my numerous replies that nothing has changed and I still feel the same way, he just won’t give up.
Forgoing a reply—because it wouldn’t do any good—I decide to call it a night. I make quick work of getting ready for bed while this evening’s events play out in my head. Crawling into bed, I grab my laptop off the nightstand and power it up, deciding to quickly check my email before catching up on some much needed sleep.
I recline against my pillows, watching as my Dell slowly brings itself to life. Opening up the browser, I log into my email. The hourglass flips over and back several times on the blank screen, and I stretch my arms over my head with a big yawn. When my email finally loads, my entire body goes still—except for my heart … I’m pretty sure it’s trying to launch itself out of my chest.
A grin plays at my mouth, and I lean forward to make sure my tired eyes aren’t playing tricks on me. I’m staring at an email from Devin. Oh my God, I’m staring at an email from Devin! Excitement bubbles up inside of me, and I wipe my sweaty palms on my comforter before taking a deep breath and opening the message.
To: Katie Devora
From: Sergeant Devin U. Clay
Subject: Thank God for email
Katie,
I am so happy that I can email you now. It makes things much easier knowing I don’t have to wait three weeks for a response. So, thank you for that! I spent the better part of a twelve-hour mission today reading your letter and deciding how to respond. I’m still not sure the best way to start, so I’m going to go with my heart.
It kills me—fucking kills me—to know that I hurt you the way I did. But I want you to know something … I want your forgiveness. I need it, Katie, and I’ll work my ass off for it. And you will forgive me. It might take time and a whole lot of groveling on my part, but it will happen. One of these days when the time is right, when I think that you’re ready—when we’re ready—I’ll share with you all of the reasons behind me leaving. But now is not the time. For now, I simply want to prove to you that you can trust me, that I’m here for you, and that I’ll never hurt you like th
at again.