A Lover's Lament

To: Sergeant Devin U. Clay

From: Katie Devora

Subject: Bye Bye Bye

Devin,

The Backstreet Boys, really, Dev? Did I not make you listen to that whole damn album every day that summer? It was NSYNC, not Backstreet Boys. Come on, don’t you remember my crush on Justin Timberlake? Honestly, this is just unforgiveable!

Nice knowing you, soldier…

Sincerely,

Katie

With a smile on my face, I hit send.

Oh shit, I hit send!

Clicking on his email, I hit ‘reply’ and try again, hoping like hell he doesn’t see that email and think I was serious. Way to go, Katie.

To: Sergeant Devin U. Clay

From: Katie Devora

Subject: How to save a life

Devin,

Okay … I forgive you. Not just for mistaking NSYNC—the best boy band of the 90’s—for the Backstreet Boys, but because you’re a man and well, that was probably unfair of me to assume you could keep all those songs straight. My bad ;)

And no, I don’t jam out to “Bye Bye Bye” when I’m pissed off anymore. I gave you a little clue, in the form of the subject line, as to what my go-to song is these days. I feel like the whole song is somehow about me, only I’m the one being saved.

Now, to answer your other question, the one I looked right over. No, I’m not married and I’m not seeing anyone. I will be honest with you though. I did just recently get out of a long-term relationship.

Pursing my lips in contemplation, I remove my hands from my laptop and thread them through my hair. Do I tell Devin that it was Wyatt I was engaged to? A part of me wants to leave that little bit of information out, but somehow it feels wrong—and I’ve had enough wrong in my life to last a lifetime.

I was engaged to Wyatt. The details don’t really matter and maybe someday we’ll talk about it, but I recently broke things off and it didn’t go well. It probably makes me sound like a horrible person, but I wasn’t happy, and with everything that happened with my dad … well, life is just too short and I couldn’t drag him along any longer. I couldn’t do it to myself either. So I called off our engagement, and in case

you’re wondering, which is incredibly presumptuous of me, I’m doing really well with it. That’s how I know I did the right thing.

Anyway, I don’t want to bore you with all of that. So you want to know something you don’t already know about me? There’s not much to tell, but I’ll give it a shot.

Do you remember me telling you I work with my best friend, Maggie? We met in college and became fast friends. It sounds pathetic, but I don’t have much of a life outside of work and Maggie. And everyone loves Maggie—except Wyatt. They never did get along, but she’s gorgeous and funny, and she’s one of those people that lives by her own set of rules. She does what she wants when she wants to do it, and she doesn’t give a shit what anyone else says. She is the best girlfriend I could ask for, and I know that you would absolutely love her. I can totally picture the two of you shootin’ the shit over a couple of beers next to the fire pit, and trust me when I tell you that she can dish it out just as good as she can take it. I hope that one day you get to meet her.

And you want to know my biggest fear, huh? That’s a tough one. Okay, before my father was killed, my biggest fear was death. I’m sure that answer sounds cliché, but it’s true. I can remember lying awake at night, and I’d start thinking about death and the fact that once we’re gone, we’re never coming back. No more sunsets on my favorite hill, or riding Mac in the rain. Never again would I feel the burn in my legs after running, or the ache in my chest after laughing too hard. It’s scary, thinking of all the things you’d never get to experience again. Some nights, when I would think about it too much, I’d have to get out of bed and go do something to quiet my brain.

Anyway, after Daddy’s death, I’d say my biggest fear is no longer death itself but losing a person I care about. And not just anyone, but someone that owns a piece of my heart … someone I’m invested in. Losing my dad nearly destroyed me, and I’m not sure I’d survive something like that again.

I told you mine, now you tell me yours. It’s only fair ;)

Always,

Katie

My mouse hovers over the ‘send’ button, and I suck my bottom lip between my teeth as I contemplate whether or not to mention the roadside bomb I heard about on the news. Is that something that I can just bring up? Because I really want to know …

PS. I saw on the news that there were a few bombings, and I’m sure that’s an everyday thing for you, but I’ll be honest … it sort of freaked me out. I’ve never known someone at war, so when I heard about it, well, it scared me, and I thought of you. And I guess … I just want to know that you’re okay, and that your men are okay, and I want you to know I’m thinking about you and praying for you. Also, I’m not sure the whole phone situation over there, but I’m always available on my cell … you know, if you ever want to call me ... (533)-224-9892