A Lover's Lament

The tears begin to dry and I pull a picture from my nightstand, the only one I have of my mother and father together—the only one I have of my father at all. I’m eight years old and seated in both of their laps, all of us with Mickey Mouse ears on. It’s my favorite picture, probably because it’s the last time I remember us being happy. I managed to swipe it from my mother before she burned every picture with my father in it, everything he ever bought or touched or looked at … my childhood literally went up in flames.

I stare at the picture for an eternity, and for the millionth time, I coat it with a fresh layer of tears. Once I’ve cried my last tear, I make my way to the kitchen and pick up the phone, because right now there’s only one person I want to see—the only one that can take this pain away. And she’s the only family I’ll ever need.

“Katie?” A voice tugs at my consciousness, pulling my eyes open, and for a second, I have no idea where I am or who could be talking to me. I rub my palms into my eyes and try to wipe away the fogginess.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. Your eyes were open just a few moments ago and you seemed alert.” Really? Alert? My coherence finally returns and I recognize the woman, who sort of looks like my mother, looking very motherly at me. My mother. I’m on a flight. My mother died. I’m heading home.

“How long have we been flying?” I ask.

“A little over six hours. Do you not remember speaking with me a few times along the way?” she asks, sounding concerned.

I scan my brain but come up empty. Then, as if making sure my limbs are still intact, I scan each sleeve of my uniform and both pant legs, and then I look around the plane, taking everything in. “I’m sorry, I don’t. I…” She puts a hand up to stop me.

“Don’t worry about it. I can only imagine what little sleep you all get over there. Thank you for what you do, by the way. I have a lot of family that served and continue to serve. I was actually over in Germany visiting my son and his wife. He’s in the Army and they had their first baby, so I got to see him. Now I’m making my way back to Memphis via JFK.” She pauses briefly, putting a hand to her mouth to capture a yawn, then continues. “Of course, we’ve discussed all that, so sorry if I’m repeating myself.”

I shake my head. She’s not repeating anything, to my knowledge. I’m a little embarrassed and shocked that I had conversations with this woman and don’t even recall them.

“Wait, so what about Katie?” Did I talk to her about Katie? “You sure do talk about her in your sleep … a lot.” She giggles a little and then catches herself.

“Really? What was I saying?”

“Well, you weren’t making a whole lot of sense. It seems you are desperate to get to her though, and judging by the way you were calling out to her, I’d say that you love her very much. I guess that’s why I asked. I’m hoping for a good love story to pass the time. Oh, how I love a good love story!” She smiles at me, squeezing her hands to her chest. I’d rather just settle my head and arms on top of the tray table and go back to sleep, but she’s too damn sweet. I can’t be an ass to her.

“An old flame, I guess you could say.” It’s the only thing that comes to mind.

I search for more, but there’s nothing. Nothing my clouded brain can come up with, and nothing I want to share with this complete stranger.

“And are you on your way to see this old flame?” She puts a hand on my shoulder. “Gosh, I’m so sorry! Look at me being all nosy and obnoxious!” She shakes her head from side to side, scolding herself under her breath.

“No, you’re fine, ma’am. I know how these long flights can be. I’m sorry I’ve been a rude neighbor.” I force a smile. “To tell you the truth, I’m not really sure if I’ll see her or not. I hope to, but it’s been a long time and a lot has happened.” Yeah, Wyatt has happened.

“Oh dear, you don’t know if you’ll see her? Tell me she knows you’re on your way home.”

“She does.” I’d love nothing more than for this conversation to end, and if this were one of my guys, I would’ve told him to shut the hell up already. But I try my best to remember where I am and who I’m talking to. “I sent her my itinerary. The rest is up to her.”

She almost speaks but catches herself, then looks to be deep in thought before she continues. “Take it from a mother, though I’m sure you have your own to give you advice”—if she only knew—“but stop being such a guy!” She laughs and pats my shoulder softly. If this conversation goes on any longer…

“If you love this girl, which it sounds like you do, you need to make sure it happens. You need to do everything in your power to see her, to show her that you love her.” She waits a moment, settling back into her seat, and bowing her head. “Gosh, I’m sorry. Terry—that’s my boy—he tells me all the time I talk way too much to strangers. I just can’t help it.”

“You’re fine, ma’am. I appreciate it. I really do.” I check my watch and let out a groan as I realize only twenty minutes have passed. “I’m sorry, I hate to cut the conversation short, but I’m exhausted. I might try and get some more sleep.” I fake a yawn, though I don’t really need to … I could sleep for days. But even if I couldn’t, I don’t want to talk about Katie. And I certainly don’t want to think about the possibility of not seeing her.

“Of course! Please do, sweetie. You deserve to get some rest.”

“See you in New York, though I’m sure we’ll be having more sleep conversations before we get there, for which I apologize ahead of time.” I force a laugh and one last smile, then nuzzle my head into my arms, folded over the tray table. As I drift off to sleep, there’s only one person on my mind … Katie.

“Can I come over?” I ask, my voice trembling over the phone.

“Of course. Is everything okay? Are you okay?” It’s amazing how, almost instantly, Katie’s voice can soothe the worst of pains. I desperately want her in my arms.

“I’ll tell you about it when I get there. I just gotta get out of here.”

“Come over, please. I’ll wait for you outside.”

“Okay, I’ll see you soon.” I hang up the phone and head out the door. If my mom had given me two more damn months before she had her meltdown, I’d be sixteen and able to drive to Katie’s house. Instead, I curse her under my breath as I grab my bike from the side of the house and quickly pedal away.

The ride goes quickly, and before I know it, I’m pulling onto the gravel road that leads to Katie’s property. The porch light is on, casting a dull glow over her body, and just seeing her brings me relief. Skidding to a stop, I jump off the bike, drop it to the ground, and Katie instantly propels herself at me. She envelops me in her arms, holding me tighter than she ever has before. The warmth of her touch and the soft reassurances she’s whispering against the side of my neck make my heart throb inside my chest. I squeeze her back, nuzzling my nose into her shoulder and letting a few tears pass from my eyes to her skin. My heart is home.

“Come inside,” she whispers, taking my hand and pulling me toward the door. In this moment, I am at her complete mercy. She has my heart, and she always will.