Of Love & Regret (Madison & Logan 1)

“We’re leaving,” he announced, his voice hard. “We’re not doing this anymore.”

“Doing what?” Mrs. Brooks asked, looking confused. “What are you talking about?”

Logan’s expression softened when he turned to her. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Brooks, but we have to leave now.”

She looked helplessly at the cake. “But the candles…”

Logan grabbed my hand, and without another word, he pulled me towards the front door. I was numb, and allowed him to guide me. Mr. Brooks caught up to us before Logan could open the door.

“Don’t do this,” Mr. Brooks said to me, his voice quiet but urgent. “She needs you right now. If you leave like this, she’ll spend the rest of the day wondering what went wrong, until she’s unable to handle the confusion and has a breakdown.” His expression turned grim. “You know how much your presence means to her today. You were like a daughter to her. Don’t turn your back on her now.”

“Bullshit.” Logan’s tone was harsh and his hand tightened around mine. “Don’t put this on Madison. It’s not her fault that you’re unwilling to make Cassie’s mother face the truth. I’m not going to stand here and let you push Madison to her breaking point.” He took a deep breath, seeming to try to get a handle on his emotions. When he spoke again, his voice was calmer. “I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like to lose a child. But you have to remember how close Cassie and Madison were. Madison has gone through so much grief; don’t burden her with even more by making her responsible for Mrs. Brooks’ happiness.”

Cassie’s father’s gaze dropped to our intertwined hands, and I immediately let go of Logan’s, feeling guilty. Mr. Brooks’ eyes narrowed as he studied my face, ignoring Logan.

“Is there something you’re not telling me?” he asked. I didn’t miss the edge in his voice.

“No. I don’t know what you mean.” I tried to sound convincing but my voice was unsteady. His look of displeasure deepened.

“Madison, I expected more from you. It’s obvious that there’s something going on between you two. Cassie trusted you, and you’re repaying that trust by getting involved with her boyfriend. How can you do that to her when you know how much she loved him? Or does her death make him fair game?”

“Fuck this shit,” Logan bit out, no longer willing to try to reason with Mr. Brooks. He flung open the front door and grabbed my hand again, nearly dragging me to the car. I was in a state of shock over Mr. Brooks’ words. I couldn’t believe his hateful expression and accusatory tone. But instead of feeling outraged by it, it reinforced everything that I had tried to forget. I had betrayed Cassie.

I let Logan guide me into the car. I stared blankly out the windshield as he stalked to the other side and slid into the driver’s seat. He started the engine without another word and pulled away from the Brooks’ home. We didn’t speak for a few minutes. I was trying to process everything that had just happened, willing myself not to break down, when Logan finally broke the silence.

“Do you still want to go over to your father’s?”

We had planned to drop by my father’s house after visiting the Brooks, but I knew I couldn’t hide how upset I was and I didn’t want to worry him.

“No,” I whispered. I cleared my throat, trying to speak louder. “Let’s just go home.”

“Maddie,” he started tentatively. He immediately cursed under his breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to call you that. It just slips out sometimes.”

“It’s okay,” I choked out. I took a long, shuddering breath and suddenly the dam burst. I buried my face in my hands as my body was wracked in violent sobs. I felt the loss of Cassie all over again, and the guilt of betraying her. It was my fault. Everything was my fault.

I was barely aware of Logan pulling the car over to the side of the road. I didn’t resist when he unbuckled our seatbelts and leaned over to put his arms around me. I shouldn’t be finding solace in his embrace, but I couldn’t deny the need to be close to him.

“It’s okay,” he said gently, stroking my back. “Let it all out.”

I sobbed even harder at his words, feeling a confusing mix of despair and comfort by his presence. His arms tightened around me, and I burrowed deeper into his embrace, wanting to lose myself in him. I resented the middle console that prevented me from getting closer to him. His head dropped to rest on top of mine, and I felt his lips press against my hair.

When my tears finally subsided, I felt my heart start to beat faster, and I found myself unable to fully catch my breath. I pulled back to break the embrace as warning bells went off in my head. I was dangerously close to crossing a line with Logan, and once that boundary was violated, I wouldn’t be able to be friends with him anymore.

I stared down at my hands resting on the console, afraid to look at him. I made an involuntary sound when he gently wiped away the tears that had tracked down my cheeks.

“Maddie,” he whispered. I felt compelled to lift my head and meet his gaze. His eyes searched my face as if he were looking for some sort of sign. My lips started to tremble when he leaned in closer, and I knew we were crossing into dangerous territory. Yet, I didn’t pull away. I could have easily drawn back and avoided his kiss, but I felt a primal pull towards him, and instead of evading his lips, I leaned forward to meet them.

I felt the faint whisper of his breath before his lips met mine, and then I was too lost in a sea of sensations to give thought to anything else. His mouth gently caressed mine as our lips clung to each other, and the kiss quickly deepened. The taste of him and the warmth of his soft lips had me pushing for more. He gently held the sides of my head to hold me captive, as if he were afraid I was going to pull away, but I didn’t think I could have even if I had been capable of conscious thought.

A soft moan escaped me, urging Logan to push for more. The pressure of his lips increased, and I opened my mouth, aching to be as close to him as possible. My whole body was enveloped in a sensual heat and an almost painful ache was growing in intensity at my core.

Despite his passion, up to this point Logan had seemed to be in control. This abruptly changed when I placed my hands against his chest, my fingers digging into him and grabbing his shirt to pull him closer to me. Suddenly, his control snapped, and his hands slid to the back of my head, gripping my scalp as his lips became more demanding. He pushed his tongue into my open mouth, laving it against my own.

I was caught up in a tide of uncontrollable desire, just trying to keep my head above water. I eagerly welcomed his invasion as our tongues tangled around each other wildly, and our lips feverishly came together. Logan groaned when my tongue entered his mouth, and seemingly impossibly, our kiss became even wilder.

I heard a whimper, not realizing that it was coming from me, and it stirred Logan to push for more. His hands slid down my back to my bottom, and he pulled me towards him. He growled when the console between us prevented him from pulling my body against his. His hands gripped my waist as if he were going to just pick me up and place me on his lap.

“Maddie,” he rasped when he realized that feat wasn’t going to be so easy in the limited confines of his SUV. “Swing your legs over to my side.”