Of Love & Regret (Madison & Logan 1)

By the time I had calmed down enough to get a hold of my bearings, I realized that I had been walking in the wrong direction for a long time. I wearily held my hand out for a cab, relieved when I got the first one I saw.

Numbness had overtaken me by the time the cab dropped me off at my apartment. It was a welcome relief from the searing pain that had been tearing me apart since I had seen Logan and Ella kiss. But that wasn’t what had hurt the most. What hurt the most was that I knew my relationship with Logan was unsalvageable. He would never be a part of my life again. I told myself that it was a good thing, because apparently, I had never known the cruelty he was capable of.

I ended up taking multiple sleeping pills that night, because I couldn’t get the image of Logan and Ella out of my head. I was relieved when the empty blackness finally enveloped me and I fell into a deep asleep.

The sun streaming through my bedroom window the next morning was an unwelcome sight. I pulled the covers over my head, not ready to face the world. Despite my attempts to go back to sleep, I couldn’t push the thought of what had happened last night from my mind. I tortured myself with the image of Logan and Ella kissing over and over again. I didn’t want to think about what else had transpired between them after I left.

Once I realized that it was going to be impossible to go back to sleep, I decided to get rip-roaring drunk instead. I got out a half-empty bottle of vodka that I rarely touched and decided I would spend the morning drowning myself in screwdrivers.

I was in the middle of making my third drink when I heard a text come through my phone. I quickly picked it up, sloshing some of the orange juice and mostly vodka mixture out of my glass in the process. I shouldn’t have been expecting to hear from Logan after last night but that didn’t stop my heart from twisting in disappointment when I saw that it was from Emily.

What happened? Is everything okay between you two now?

I had told her yesterday about my intentions to try to fix things with Logan. I dreaded having to tell her how horribly it had gone.

No, it’s over between us. For good this time.

My phone rang seconds after I pressed the send button on my text. I didn’t want to answer it because talking about it would make it too real, but I knew Emily would be relentless if I didn’t pick up.

“Hey,” I said lamely before taking a big gulp of my drink.

“What happened?” she asked, sounding concerned. “I texted instead of calling because I thought you two would still be in bed from all the make-up sex you had.”

I laughed bitterly at her words. If only that were true.

“I’m sure Logan had plenty of sex last night, but it wasn’t with me.”

“Wait, what?”

Emily was practically screeching and I took a deep breath before unloading the whole story on her. Her shock at the outcome of things was evident in her silence while I told her everything.

“You’ve got to be shitting me!” she exclaimed when I was done. “Are you sure you’re not just delusional and you dreamed all of that up?”

“I wish,” I said glumly. “I have to face the fact that Logan and I are over. The worst part is, I feel like I never knew who he really was. I never thought, in a million years, that he’d treat me like such crap. I understand him being angry, but I never thought he could be so cruel.”

“I’m sorry, Madison,” she said, her voice full of sympathy. “This totally sucks. I can’t believe it. I wish I could come over so we could spend the day eating ice cream and drinking large amounts of alcohol, but I have a crazy day at work.”

“It’s okay, I’ll be fine. I’d rather be alone, anyways. I’m miserable company right now.” As much as I appreciated Emily’s concern, I didn’t want to deal with anyone today.

“I’ll come over after work,” she insisted. “I’ll pick up some dinner on the way.”

We argued for a few minutes, but in the end she acquiesced, although she made me promise to call her if I changed my mind. I was relieved when I was finally able to end the call. All I wanted was the silence of my apartment and the bottle of vodka at my side.

I was completely sloshed by the time the afternoon rolled around, and I ended up passing out on the couch. When I woke up, groggy and feeling like I had cotton balls in my mouth, I had no idea how long I had been asleep, but I was surprised that it was already getting dark outside. I got up and staggered to the kitchen, downing multiple glasses of water.

I was bleary-eyed as I looked at the clock on top of the stove. I had been asleep for hours; it was almost eight o’clock. My head throbbed, and I felt half-drunk and half-hung over. The worst combination ever.

I opened the fridge, thinking that I should get some food in my stomach, but I closed it without taking anything out. The thought of eating made my stomach roil in protest.

I groaned when my phone rang; the sound of it was painful to my aching head. I picked it up and answered it without checking to see who it was to stop the torturous sound as quickly as possible.

“Hello?” I said grumpily, resenting whoever it was that had made my phone make that piercing noise. My irritation deepened when all I heard was silence. “Hello?” I repeated crossly.

I took the phone away from my ear to check the screen. It was a blocked number, and I frowned as my mind immediately went to Adam. I wondered if he was trying to play games with me. I put the phone back to my ear.

“Is this you, Adam?” I said angrily, in no mood to deal with his antics. Instead of a response, I heard the click of the call disconnecting. A thought flitted through my mind. Could it have been Logan? But why would he call me from a blocked number? And why would he say nothing?

I almost shook my head at that ridiculous notion, but the pounding headache stopped me. Logan had shown me last night that he wanted nothing more to do with me. Everything between us, our friendship and our romantic relationship, was over. I didn’t expect him to contact me again. I expected him to drop out of my life.