Of Love & Regret (Madison & Logan 1)

My heart pounded against my chest as I quickly backed up to hide behind a kiosk. The thought of facing Logan was scary enough. Facing him while he was with another woman was unthinkable.

That didn’t stop me from spying on them. I couldn’t keep my eyes off Logan. He was as handsome as ever, although he was tanned and his blond hair was lighter than I remembered. I felt a tightening in my chest when I saw him smile at the woman. His smile was relaxed and full of affection. His expression made me realize that this woman wasn’t some temporary plaything like his past relationships. This woman obviously meant something to him. I could see it in his face. That hurt more than anything else could.

She was pretty with long, dark brown hair and a willowy frame, but she was different from the drop-dead gorgeous women Logan usually dated. She wasn’t flashy, having instead an understated beauty.

I didn’t think the ache in my chest could get any worse until I saw him put an arm around her shoulders as he leaned down to say something to her. The casual intimacy indicated a familiarity that left me shattered, and I quickly straightened so that they were out of my line of sight. I needed to get the hell out of there before I broke down in public. In all my daydreams about what it would be like to see Logan again, I never thought it would be like this.

Since I was on the second floor, I walked swiftly to a nearby escalator and ran down them, barely able to mutter apologies as I clumsily maneuvered around people who were standing still. The heat was oppressive when I exited the mall but I was relieved to no longer be in the same building as Logan and that woman. That woman who should have been me.

Colorful flowers bloomed in large stone planters in front of the mall, and I leaned against one of them, trying to get my chaotic thoughts in order. It had finally happened. I had finally run into Logan in the worst possible circumstances since he was with another woman, and I had survived. At least he hadn’t seen me. I would be okay. Everything would be okay.

I was repeating this mantra to myself in my head when I heard a voice call out my name. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion as I turned my head in the direction of the voice. I already knew who had spoken, but that didn’t make it any less jarring to see Logan standing a few feet away from me with that woman beside him.

I straightened, plastering a polite mask on my face. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, they had.

“Logan,” I said, proud that my voice was steady and even. “This is a surprise.”

I glanced at their joined hands as they walked closer to me, and then quickly looked back up. The bland smile on my face was hard to maintain, and I fought against the tide of emotions that were threatening to overtake me.

“Madison! I was meaning to call you to let you know I was back in town.”

I was taken aback by Logan’s broad smile and pleasant tone. Any onlooker would have assumed we were merely old friends that had bumped into each other, but I knew better. Still, I played along.

“Emily mentioned she saw you at your law firm.” I swallowed, not sure what else to say as I stared at him. It had been hard enough to see him from a distance, but now that he was right in front of me, I wanted to collapse into a puddle of tears and regret.

“I just recently transferred back to Chicago.” He glanced down at the woman beside him, who had been listening to our conversation with an interested smile. “This is my girlfriend Kristina.”

I barely heard him as he told Kristina that we were old friends from college and from when he had lived in Chicago before. His introduction of her confirmed everything that I had feared. I couldn’t remember the last time he had introduced someone as his girlfriend. Besides me and Cassie.

My face felt tight as I tried to smile at her. If she noticed my discomfort, she graciously ignored it and smiled easily at me.

“It’s nice to meet you, Madison,” she said. “I’m counting on Logan introducing me to his friends since he dragged me here from L.A., although I have to admit that so far I’m enjoying living in Chicago.”

It kept getting worse and worse. Not only did she and Logan have an actual relationship but she had moved thousands of miles to be with him. Because he had asked her to.

I couldn’t keep the forced smile on my face anymore. I sure as hell couldn’t stand there and pretend like my heart hadn’t been obliterated into pieces anymore. I needed to escape.

“Well, it was nice seeing you,” I said wanly. “I have to run because I’m supposed to meet Emily.”

“Wait.”

I had started to turn to get out of there as quickly as possible, when not only his voice stopped me, but his hand on my shoulder prevented me from bolting away. I jerked my shoulder back, feeling burned by his touch. Logan dropped his hand as quickly as he had reached out for me.

“What?” I asked, trying to keep the hostility from my voice. Was he trying to prolong this because he knew it was killing me? Was he trying to punish me?

“Kristina and I are having a small party next Saturday. It’s nothing big. I’m just trying to convince her that Chicago isn’t such a bad place to live and she hasn’t made a huge mistake by moving here with me.” The wry grin he gave Kristina before looking back at me gutted me. “I’d love it if you’d come. You should invite Emily, too.”

I stared at him. What game was he playing? It was cruel of him to pretend that we had been nothing more than friends. Maybe that was the point—to be cruel.

“Sorry, I already have plans,” I muttered. “But I’ll let Emily know. I really have to go now. See you later.”

I turned abruptly and walked away as quickly as I could without actually running. Logan’s expression had looked sincere, but it had to be an act. He couldn’t have so easily forgotten about everything that had happened between us. He couldn’t think that we could go back to being friends.

I was confused and angry, but by the time I got back to my apartment, all I felt was hurt. Had I imagined all the feelings we had for each other? He had even told me that he loved me. He had been crushed when things hadn’t worked out between us. Hadn’t he? All this time, I had told myself that the reason he hadn’t been willing to give me another chance was because it was too painful for him to risk getting hurt again since I had alread

y disappointed him so many times. But maybe it was the opposite. Maybe, when it came down to it, I hadn’t meant much to him at all.

I drove myself crazy as I paced my apartment, wondering what the hell Logan was thinking. I picked up the phone and called Emily. Maybe she could help me understand all of this.