Chasing Shadows (Shadows 2)

"We've searched the whole house," Sarah said with exasperation. "There's nothing here to find."

"I know this has something to do with her aunt. I'm positive that she came back here to see her." My heart ached when I heard Simon's voice. He sounded tired and anxious, but hearing his voice made more than worry rush through me. I wanted nothing more than to fling open the door and tell him I was right here, but I might as well have just thrown him to the vardogers.

"We don't know where she is, Simon. No one at the train station would give us any information, and the cab company just laughed when you demanded if a girl with Caitlin's description had used their services."

"She can't have just disappeare

d. Her aunt was the last person she called on her cell phone. And why did she call Claudia? What does she have to do with all of this?"

I cursed myself for leaving my cell phone behind. I had been so distraught from hearing my aunt's screams that I had just wanted to get rid of it, believing that it could somehow be used by the vardogers to track me. It was stupid to leave it at my apartment so that Simon and Sarah could go through it.

"I'm not sure. Jenny has been trying to get a hold of Claudia, but it's like she's disappeared too."

"We have to find her. I know she's in trouble. I can feel it." Simon's voice broke, killing me. "It makes no sense that her aunt has disappeared too, leaving her house unlocked for any intruder to come in."

"Don't you think I want to find her too?" The anguish in Sarah's voice was just as painful. "I've been replaying every damn conversation we've had this past week, wondering if I missed something. If there was some clue I didn't pick up on. But the only thing...the only thing I can think of is how miserable she was. She seemed broken, like she couldn't take anymore. Maybe she couldn't. Maybe that note was meant to be her farewell. Maybe it's no longer possible to find her."

"Stop it!" Simon's voice was harsh, full of pain. "She would never do that! She would never end her life. She would never just leave me like that."

Tears were streaming down my face and I couldn't take anymore. Everyone was suffering because of me. I could hear the anguish in Simon and Sarah's voices, and I had no doubt that my other friends back at school were worried as well. I didn't want to even think about what Simon and Sarah had told Grant, Marcus and Jenny about my disappearance.

I started to rise, ready to burst through the door and tell them that I was here. That I was alive. But Lenore grabbed my hand, shaking her head emphatically.

"Don't do it," she hissed.

"But they think I'm dead! They think I killed myself! I can't put them through that."

Lenore's eyes narrowed and I felt a chill go through me. I could barely make out her features in the dim light, but I could feel her disapproval. "You don't have the privilege of indulging in guilt right now. And that's what you would be doing. Assuaging your guilt for leaving and not telling them where you were going. Is making yourself feel better worth putting their lives at risk? That's what you would be doing. You were right when you said they were safer not being near you."

Lenore's words gutted me. As much as I wanted to protest, she was right. Better for them to mourn my death than meet their own. I lowered my head again to hear their conversation, feeling more hopeless than I ever had.

"Maybe I'm wrong," Sarah said. "I hope to God I'm wrong. But you don't realize how hard it was for her to live through everything that she did."

"I can't believe she's been suffering all this time and she never confided in me. I knew something was wrong but I thought we had time. Time for her to trust me and tell me what was going on."

"It's not your fault, Simon," Sarah said sadly. "Caitlin has kept that part of herself hidden for so long, I don't know if she has the ability to let anyone else in."

I wasn't surprised that it sounded like Sarah had told Simon everything she knew. I didn't blame her. They thought it was a life and death situation. If only they knew how right they were.

"I can't believe her damn father doesn't even give a shit. He said she was probably just being difficult and would reappear when she got over her tantrum." Simon gave a sound of disgust. "What an asshole."

"I won't argue with that. And the police won't do anything since she wrote a letter saying she was leaving. I think the best thing is to go back to school and wait for her there. That's where she feels the safest. Instead of looking for her, I think we should wait for her to find us."

I heard footsteps and tensed, but instead of coming closer they were getting farther away. I heard the front door open and close and I heard the engine of the car start through the open window in the basement.

Lenore straightened when she heard the car pull away. She opened the basement door and I squinted against the light, my eyes having become accustomed to the dark. I followed her into the house, quickly wiping away my tears. Lenore assessed me with a speculative look.

"Are you up for this?"

I nodded, taking a deep breath. I had to remind myself that I was doing this to keep Simon and Sarah safe. To find my aunt. This wasn't about me and my emotions.

Lenore and I split up the rooms, searching every crack and crevice for Aunt Brenda's journal. Three hours later I felt tired and defeated. We hadn't been able to find her journal and I started questioning the accuracy of what I saw under hypnosis.

"Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I just wanted to see my aunt so badly while I was under that I just conjured up her telling me to look for her journal." I rubbed my forehead, the events of the past few days combined with my lack of sleep making me feel exhausted. Hypnosis had just made me feel even weaker. I leaned against the couch in the living room, feeling fatigued.

"Let's check again," Lenore said. "I don't think your mind just made it up. We can try—"

Her eyes rounded in shock and her face drained of color as she stared past me, looking at something behind me. I was turning to see what she was looking at with such horror when she grabbed my wrist, pulling me roughly towards her.