Before Noah (Daniels Family 3)

Silence greets me before I finally hear the locks disengage. The heavy wood opens slowly and stops after a couple of inches. Ember peers out at me with the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen, and every primal instinct in me rears its head, demanding I protect her, that I make things right with her.

I have to beat the animal back and remind it that I am but have to proceed slowly because that’s what she needs. But I can’t ignore how withdrawn she looks either.

“Can I come in for a second?” I have to ball my fist so as not to reach out and touch her, which is all

I crave right now.

She nods and steps back but, otherwise, doesn’t say anything. After closing the door behind me, my gaze strays to the stairs, where I took her against the wall that first time, and I feel a stirring in my groin.

“I want to explain about Cali. Who she is.” My eyes narrow when hers finally meet mine, and I can feel the torment she’s experiencing in my soul. “Cali is my cousin. My only living family.” I was hoping to provide her with some relief. I can see I’ve caused her confusion instead.

I want to hold her so fucking badly. Drag her into my body and show her how much she means to me. The standoffish vibe she’s carrying now is the only thing stopping me. My being here is what’s hurting her.

Tossing my plan out the window, I place the note and chocolates on the side table and stand closer to her. Not being able to touch her is physically painful.

“I had this whole 'beg for forgiveness' thing planned. Show you what you mean to me because words are just that, words. Actions can convey more. But you’re killing me, Em. I can feel your agony, and I hate myself for it.” Her chin drops to her chest, and I think it’s because she’s trying to hide her tears.

Lifting a hand, she flinches away from me, and I drop it back to my side. “I battled for two years to get a divorce from Katrina. I didn’t know how to tell you I was still married when all I wanted, for so fucking long, was for you to be my wife.” When her shoulders begin to shake, I can’t hold back any longer. Swooping her up in my arms, I carry her to the couch where I cradle her in my lap.

“When I finally snapped and took you, it was the best fucking decision I’ve ever made, and not telling you, immediately, that I was in the midst of a shitty divorce was the worst. Because you should have known. You should have been prepared, and I shouldn’t have blindsided you that night at the station.”

She nods her head in agreement.

Brushing a hand through her hair, I cup the back of her head and drag her closer to me. I need to feel her heart beating against my chest.

“Staying silent these last three months was the wrong move. I see that now. I should have reached out and explained what was happening and why I was putting the distance between us. I thought I was doing the right thing, Em. I thought I was keeping you safe. But I can see I’ve only made you miserable alongside myself.”

Her breathing evens out, and I have to wonder if she’s fallen asleep on me. Continuing on, I don’t care if I have to explain this all again. I’ll do it every day of my life if it means I get to keep Ember.

“My goal was to make certain we could be together without restriction. I knew that while I took Katrina to court for the divorce, she would do everything she could to make your life miserable if she knew I had someone important in my life. She would do and say things to make you doubt my love and loyalty, and I couldn’t have that between us.” When an arm tightens around my ribs, digging nails into my back, I'm sure she’s asleep now.

Sadly, at this moment, feeling the way she has, Ember wouldn’t be holding me so tightly. She’s angry with me, and rightly so. Checking the time, I see it’s only mid-afternoon, but with the dark circles under her eyes, I know it’s been a while since she’s properly rested.

Standing, I place Ember on the couch. Her body listless and exhausted as she settles into the cushions as I place a blanket over her body.

Kissing her forehead, I whisper, “I love you, Em,” before straightening and striding to the door where I left her note and chocolates. After moving them to the table in front of the couch, I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and leave it for her for when she wakes up.

As much as I want to stay, I know she’ll be upset that I didn’t respect her boundaries. Locking the door as I go, I stroll back to my truck, hating leaving her and knowing I have to.

For now.

Ember

My eyes pop open in panic, and I abruptly sit up on the couch where I fell asleep in Noah’s arms. Listening as he told me who Cali was, what happened with his ex-wife. He was apologizing for his silence after explaining why.

I was too wrapped up in the feelings of safety in his arms, and I couldn’t hold my eyes open any longer, but I heard him, and while I don’t feel as lonely as previously, I’m still not entirely certain what this means for us. If there even is an us. I want there to be, desperately. More so now that I know a baby is coming.

Our baby.

And maybe today was a step in the right direction towards that.

But if I tell him about this, how will I know he’s staying out of love and not duty? I don’t even know if he wants children.

Grabbing the water bottle from the table, I twist the lid off and take a long swig. The water helps ease the tension brought on by my sudden panic attack.

Exhausted still, I see it’s dark outside and decide to grab a muffin before heading to bed, pausing when I see a note and chocolate. I think back on the last message Noah left me.

Not as frightened to open this one, I carefully peel back the sealed flap and let the paper slip free. Unfolding it, I press my fingers to my lips. Remembering that first time.