Dirty Toe Drag (Nashville Assassins Next Generation 6)

I smile, feeling so much better. But I’d be lying if I didn’t acknowledge that Melody’s accusations scared the fuck out of me. I don’t want to hurt Stella. I don’t want my past to be an issue, but what if it is? What if I’m not meant to be with someone because of my past? Because of the damage it caused. But I don’t want to believe that. I want to believe that I am capable and strong enough to be in a successful, loving relationship. To have everything that my friends have. To be a man Stella deserves. I want to be the person I deserve. Not some damaged fuckup who can’t survive.

I’m more than that.

But…what if I’m not?

Chapter Seventeen

Stella

I haven’t heard from Wes, and I’m trying not to read too much into it. I know he had a busy day of hockey stuff and therapy, but he usually texts me back. I spent the morning at the bakery, and now that I’m done with school, I’m lying in my bed on my iPad designing some cupcakes. I don’t need to; I have plans for this week for what we’re designing, but I need something to calm my nerves. I don’t know why, but I have this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach concerning Wes. I hope therapy went okay. I hope he likes the new therapist. I know how much it all means to him and how he needs it.

Man, I hope everything is all right.

I check my phone for good measure, making sure I didn’t leave it off or on silent. On our date, I shut off my phone, not only to focus on Wes but to ignore all the texts and comments on my Instagram post. Boy, did they come in hard-core. Everyone from my mom to Audrey to Elli. Even Shelli was texting me. Asher did, Posey, Ally… Everyone. Basically, my whole family. But the loudest commenter and caller was Lake. He has been blowing up my phone, and I’m glad we didn’t have classes together today. I didn’t want to hear him. I want to enjoy this relationship, even if it is still new and shiny.

Or maybe I’m trying to put space between us because I know Lake will be devastated when I tell him I’m done after this semester. I just hope he doesn’t hate me. I hope he understands. Though, I’m more worried about my family than I am him.

Who am I kidding? I’m worried about everyone. I honestly couldn’t handle the disappointment. I’m such a pleaser. Middle child syndrome. Aiden and Asher were the overachievers, I’m the one who wants everyone to be happy and proud, and then Emery is the baby who can do no wrong. I just want to make sure I live up to my parents’ standards.

It’s overwhelming.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

I look up as Emery enters my room, flopping herself down on my bed. “Hanging out. What are you doing?”

“Just got home. School was so long and unnecessary.” She rolls her eyes as she rolls onto her back. “There is this kid, Miguel, who is, like, in love with me, and he’s begging me to date him.”

“Why don’t you? Maybe then you won’t spend the nights watching murder docs.”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t think he’s my type.”

“Well, boo. What is your type?”

“I don’t know yet. I go back and forth between a very sexy Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy-looking dudes. But then I like the dirtiness of a Charles Manson.”

I blink. “Are you going to be one of those women who falls in love with guys in jail through letters?”

She snorts. “No. Shut up. I just want someone who will send chills down my spine but love the hell out of me. Ya know?”

“No,” I say honestly. “I don’t want the chills down my spine to come from fear.”

She giggles. “Whatever. You don’t get it.”

“I don’t. I really don’t.”

“Like Wes. He has a Jeffrey Dahmer look with that blond hair and big body. I bet he could hold you down and make you squeal like a pig.”

What in the world is happening here? “I am speechless right now. Please stop.”

Her laughter is contagious, but I’m still scared. “Fine. He’s sexy, is all I mean.”

“That is true.”

She rolls onto her stomach, cupping her sweet face in her hands as she looks up at me. “I can’t believe he bought you those shoes. How romantic!”

I beam, shimmying my shoulders. “It was incredibly amazing and so unexpected. He was so sweet.”

“So, it isn’t like before when he just wanted to hit it?”

“No, not at all. We kissed for the first time yesterday, and it wasn’t even like make-out kissing. It was sweet, tender kisses. Very sweet.”

“Swoon,” she sighs. “He is dreamy. Funny too.”

“That he is.”

“Has he told Aiden yet?”