Exposed (VIP 4)
“It was the worst thing I’ve done. I took advantage of a young man and dishonored my marriage. Xander and I went to counseling after that.”
“Does he…” I lick my dry lips. “Did you tell Xander about what happened?”
“Not that it was Rye. But, yes, I told him I’d kissed another man, and how I regretted it.” She sat up straighter, flicking her hair behind her shoulder. “Later, I tried apologizing to Rye, but he was so appalled by my even mentioning it that I gave up.” She laughs lightly. “I did not want to cause him more embarrassment.”
“Well,” I say weakly. “From what he’s told me, he doesn’t blame you.”
“Which means he blames himself,” she says darkly. “Dear foolish boy. Perhaps I should try again to speak to him.”
“I don’t think you’ll get a different reaction from him.”
Amusement lights her eyes for a moment before she sobers. “You and Rye are together now?”
I hadn’t expected that, and it takes me a second to answer. “We’re friends.”
“Brenna, the way that man looks at you is not that of a friend.”
“We barely look at each other.”
“And in those non-looks, everything is exposed. He is either in love with you or falling fast.”
My fingers clench convulsively on my thighs. Hope and uncertainty make for a fragile pain in my heart. I don’t want to acknowledge it. Not when I’m so tender-skinned. “He asked for a relationship. But I panicked. I said I needed time away from him, from the band.”
I blink rapidly, a heartbeat stuck in my throat, and pour out the rest of it. “He said it was the right thing to do,” I finish. “Ending things, I mean. He wasn’t actually ready. He wants to be friends. I have to respect that, don’t I? We promised each other honesty, so he has to have meant it.”
“Hmm…And you agreed as well.” Isabella’s eyes hold a world of skepticism. “That you only want to be friends?”
Biting my lip, I look away.
Her tone turns dry. “Maybe neither of you is as honest with your feelings as you believe.”
“Maybe. I don’t know. It’s complicated.”
“Mami,” she says with affection. “It’s simple. Do you want this man as your friend or as your everything?”
A bubble of emotion pops within my chest, and I find myself huffing out a weak laugh. “Well, when you put it like that…”
She grins, leaning into my shoulder for a minute. I smile too, but it quickly fades.
She kisses me on the temple then sets my hand back on my thigh. “It isn’t easy to admit when you’ve been wrong. Especially for stubborn women like us. Then again, letting love in never is.”
“I thought loving someone was supposed to be easy.”
Isabella shakes her head slowly. “My dear, I was talking about loving yourself. If you don’t do that first, you’re always going to push away those who try to love you.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Brenna
Stella!!!: Emergency pajama party in the kitchen. 15 min
WhipIt: I don’t wear pajamas.
Stella!!!: Well, find some. No one wants to see your bare ass
So-Sophie: I want cocoa or it’s a no-go
WhipIt: You can’t make that judgment, Stells, without seeing the product first
JaxJax: Whip, you’ll be seeing my foot up said ass if you keep flirting with my woman
So-Sophie: See what I did there? Cocoa no-go? Eh? Eh?
Stella!!!: Yes, you’re very clever, Soph. Signed: John’s “woman”
JaxJax: Is this some sort of feminist thing I messed up?
Stella!!!: If I have to tell you, it doesn’t count. And why are you texting me? We’re in the same bed
JaxJax: :-*
Killer: Can you all please shut up? It’s one in the morning. I’m not in the mood for No-Go Cocoa
So-Sophie: No-Go Cocoa… :D
Stella!!!: You’ll have cocoa and like it, Mr.
Killer: No
Stella!!!: Libby
Libs: I’m on it.
Killer: I resent the idea that you women think you can
WhipIt: She took his phone, didn’t she?
JaxJax: Count on it. Scottie? I know you’re curled around Sophie like she’s your woobie, but we’ll need confirmation of attendance, because you’re evil and no one trusts you not to turn into a snake or something to get away.
MrScott: Sorry, must run. About to dematerialize.
BrennaBean: I’m joining Scottie aboard the mothership, away from you yahoos
Stella!!!: FUNNY. Now get your butts down here. All of you. RYE! I know you’re there. I can hear you breathing.
Rye-Rye: I was having the weirdest dream. You all were in it. No. Wait. It was a nightmare. Or should I call it a wakemare since I’m fairly certain I’m awake now, and you’re all still texting.
WhipIt: HUR!
So-Sophie: Cocoa, Rye-Rye. You love cocoa
Rye-Rye: I will not be swayed by a mere beverage
Stella!!!: And cookies. Lots of cookies
Rye-Rye: I’ll be down in 5
Groaning, I mute my phone, push my head under a pillow, and welcome the muffled silence. I flop onto my back and stare at the lavender silk canopy above my head. When I was a kid, I slept in this bed and called myself Princess Brenna. I wanted a prince to love me. I’m not going to even deny it. I did. And I wanted to be a knight who took on the world and won. I wanted it all.