The Spark

“He sounds wonderful. Usually when you’d tell me about a man you were dating you’d mention his physical attributes first, then read me his resume. You did neither when you described Donovan. You spoke from your heart.”

“Well, he’s also ridiculously handsome, so there’s that—with a body to die for underneath that crisp dress shirt. He also has lots of tattoos that I find incredibly sexy.” I pointed to my arms. “Look. This is why I didn’t lead with a description. I have goose bumps just thinking about what he looks like.”

Lillian laughed. “Any chance he has an older brother?”

“It’s funny. In a lot of ways, Donovan’s as protective as I am about letting people see what lies beneath. We just have different reasons.”

“But it sounds like he’s let you in.”

I nodded. “He has.”

“Have you shared your past with him?”

I shook my head. “He’s a very perceptive person, so he definitely knows there’s something lurking. But I haven’t spoken to him about…you know.”

“What’s the status of your relationship with Donovan right now? You said you recently broke things off with someone else, but are you and Donovan dating?”

I frowned. “No.”

“Has he asked?”

I smiled sadly. “More than once.”

“I’m guessing you won’t go out with him because you actually like him?”

I nodded and looked down.

“Don’t be ashamed to be afraid, Autumn. Fearing something big is human nature, and we all have fears.”

“I hate how weak I am.”

“Being afraid is not a weakness. Not in the least. Being afraid is a protective instinct we all have, and it’s healthy. Think of it as a home alarm system. Our fears set off a loud warning for people we shouldn’t let in, and that’s a good thing.”

“Yes, but my alarm system wants to keep everyone out.”

Lillian shook her head. “It did at one point. But you’re here. You’re here today, Autumn. That means you’ve already accepted that there’s someone you want to let in. You’re just not sure how to do it because it’s been so long.”

I blew out a deep breath. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Over the years, your fears have sabotaged your relationships. You went out with men you knew you had no true emotional connection with. And a year ago you sabotaged things with Donovan because you weren’t ready to take them on. But you’re ready now. You’ve already taken the first step, just by showing up today. You did all the hard work on your own, so now we need to get you the rest of the way.”

“How do I do that?”

“The only way to overcome your fears is to push through the center. You have to embrace what you’re afraid of.”

“But I’ve been dating.”

“You’re not afraid of dating. You’re afraid to give someone your trust again.”

I sighed. “I guess so. I want to trust Donovan. I really do. But I’m not sure how.”

Lillian nodded. “A good place to start might be to tell him about what happened.”

CHAPTER 23

* * *

Donovan

Autumn’s car was already parked outside when I arrived.

All afternoon, I’d told myself I wasn’t going to leave work early and drop by Bud’s. I had a dozen hours I still needed to bill today, clients who needed to be called back, and a trial coming up to prep for. Generally on Saturdays, I’d get to the office by seven. But today Bud had been discharged at ten, so I picked him up and drove him home, then settled him in once we got there.

My usual 7AM start had turned into arriving at the office at almost 1PM, and I had to leave by 4:30 in order to fill in for Bud serving dinner tonight. But I figured there was a lot I could get done in three and a half hours. Unfortunately, I hadn’t factored in how distracted I’d be all damn afternoon knowing Autumn was over at Bud’s. Eventually, I gave in and called it quits. I wasn’t getting jack shit done anyway, so there was no point in sitting at my desk.

The front door was unlocked. I shook my head, thinking I’d have to talk to Bud about that. The man had just spent two days in the hospital after being beaten on the street. He needed to be more careful.

I found Autumn in the kitchen washing dishes. She hadn’t heard me come in, so I took a moment to stand in the doorway and watch her. A faint smile graced her beautiful face, and every couple of seconds the corners of her lips twitched slightly—like she was thinking about something that amused her. Damn, she was gorgeous. I’d meant to let her know I’d come in before she saw me so I didn’t startle her, but she must’ve sensed someone watching because her head suddenly whipped up.

“Oh my God.” She lifted her wet, sudsy hand and covered her heart. “How long have you been standing there?”