Elastic Heart

“We can leave,” Law murmured against my neck, his lips light shadows against the skin. “I have enough money to live for ten centuries.” All at once I felt dead inside, like rotten seaweed drying on the beach. I pulled away slowly, losing his warmth like daylight is lost to the night.

“I don’t want him to win,” I uttered robotically.

“The only way he wins is if you let him win,” Law pleaded to my back. “Forget about him, live your life happily.”

“It’s not that easy.” I yanked away completely. “I’m nothing now. I’m lower than dirt because he made me that way. It wasn’t enough to use me; he had to tarnish me. I used to think I wanted him dead or in pain. Now I don’t know what I want any more.” Dead. Pain. It all felt so futile, so meaningless. I wanted something meaningful for Morris. Something like what I’d had to deal with. Death was too finite. Pain was too unpredictable. I wanted his brain utterly ravaged.

I placed my head in my hands. What had I become?

Night had fallen and I was still at the hotel with Law. Becca had long since fallen asleep, her sobs lulling her into a fretful slumber. I watched her, her troubled sleeping apparent even from underneath Law’s bed sheets. Law sat on the hotel desk and I leaned against the wall, the space between us feeling much bigge

r than a few feet of carpet.

“Are you and Becca sleeping together?” I asked, watching Becca’s uneven breaths move the covers up and down.

“No.”

“Did you ever?” I turned my attention from Becca to Law.

“No.”

I folded my arms. “How did you two come to know each other?”

“I was assigned to Morris two years ago. It was around the time Becca Riley was hired as an assistant. Part of my job is to watch Morris. One night I saw Becca leaving the campaign offices looking shaken. Her clothes were a mess, her face was distraught, and she had bruises. I didn’t need to see much more to know what had happened.”

“Because of your job at the FBI,” I mumbled.

“Because of my job at the FBI.”

“That doesn’t explain how you started working together.” Running a hand through my hair, I looked back at Riley. What a mess. Somewhere in the back of my mind, a sick thought popped into my head: It was easier when I thought they’d betrayed me.

“I knew Morris was a slime ball when he agreed to take the bribe GEM offered, but I didn’t know how far it went,” Law explained. “Becca went to the police that night and they ignored her just as they did you. Except instead of fighting back with the media like you did, Becca went back to work. I approached her a week later.”

“Just like that?” I turned back to Law.

“No,” Law said. “After he raped her again, I offered to help bring him down.” I sighed, hating that I felt sorry for Becca. It had been so much simpler when she was the terrible villain in my story. What Morris had done didn’t change her actions. She’d destroyed my reputation and she’d murdered Raskol. Still, her life hadn’t been easy, and the more I learned about her, the more I pitied her. The more I pitied her, the harder it was to hate her.

“So what am I?” I asked quietly.

“You were a complication in the beginning.” Law stood up off the desk and moved toward me. “Riley and I have been compiling a case to bring to the FBI to prove Morris is a serial rapist, has committed fraud, and has used public funds to hide his crimes, among other things. If the local authorities wouldn’t take it seriously, then we were going to make the federal authorities believe her. I started following you to keep you from getting too close. Then I got too close.” Law kneeled before me, trying to catch my eye, but I looked away.

“I can’t believe this.” I looked over Law’s head and at Becca, who was now tossing and turning. “Riley ruined my life. She killed my dog. She isn’t a good person.”

“Becca is a product of her environment. In order to get the information we needed, she had to go deep. She had to disappear. The Becca I met two years ago is dead.”

“So I should feel sorry for her?” I snapped, feeling angry.

“She did unspeakable things to you,” Law replied. “Maybe you don’t feel sorry for her. Maybe you just understand the way she is.”

“Well did you guys get what you needed? Is Morris going to jail?” I finally looked at Law. His cognac eyes were muddied and tired. His five o’clock shadow had grown past the hour hand and was full on scruff. I couldn’t think about his pain, though, because mine was blinding. I needed him to say yes, Morris was going to jail. All of it had to be for a reason. Riley had to have self-destructed, destroying me in her wake, for a reason.

Instead, Law shook his head slowly. I laughed, feeling broken. “Why am I not surprised?” I stood up off the wall. Even though I stood slowly, I felt lightheaded. Maybe it was the blood rushing from my head, or maybe it was having my world rocked to its core yet again.

Law gently grabbed my wrist. “Please, just stay the night.”

“How can I stay the night with Becca asleep on the bed?”

“She isn’t staying,” Law said, tightening his hold on my wrist. “She’ll go home, otherwise Morris will get suspicious.”