King Asshole

Dani had been his roommate for an entire week. She lived in the room next to the bathroom, and not a lot had changed for him. He rarely saw her.

Sure, he noticed some of her stuff around the apartment. A couple of plates that were clearly hers. She put her bag next to the door, but again it was hung up where he kept his own jackets and she didn’t shove his stuff aside. There was a cup that had some kind of saying on it but had clearly been rubbed off over the years.

Then of course, you have the fact his laundry appeared on his chair cleaned and folded.

They shared the laundry basket, and on Wednesday night she’d taken the entire lot down to the basement and spent the evening washing, drying, and folding. That was another thing he noticed about her. She was rarely in the apartment or if she was, she didn’t come out and hog the television.

“It’s fine.”

“Do you share mealtimes? Hang out?” Ryan asked.

He leaned on the counter, brow raised. “Seriously, how old are we now? Twelve?”

“Come on, Jax. You’ve got to see the humor in all of this.”

“Why?”

“You’ve got a chick living in your apartment. The guy that writes his own rule book on what a chick can and cannot accept.”

“I still don’t see the problem. You see, Dani is not on the menu of things I want.”

Ryan folded his arms, the humor clear on his face. “She’s not?”

“Not even in the slightest.” He glanced over Ryan’s shoulder. “Now that chick behind you. No, no, don’t look. You have to wait. She has been giving me the eye all night. She wants my dick, and tonight, either up against the wall or back home, I’m going to give her the ride of her life, and believe me, that is the woman right up my alley. Dani, she’s completely ‘no’ material.”

“You can’t deny that she’s cute.”

“Does Lily hear you talking like that?”

“Do I hear him talking like what?” Lily asked, appearing as if her very name had conjured her up. She cupped the back of Ryan’s head. He watched his friend tilt back, and they kissed.

“Gross, guys.”

“This coming from you, Jax, you do surprise me.” Lily took a seat beside her man. “What were you talking about?”

“Jax’s cute little roommate. The one I completely told you about.”

“Dani, the girl that seems completely oblivious to the fact that you exist. I already like this woman.”

“She’s not oblivious. She’s not my type.”

“Jax, I hate to break it to you, but a damn beer bottle is your type. If it’s got a hole in it, it’s your type.”

“You two are supposed to be my friends.”

“We are your friends, which is why we haven’t left you because you tend to be a big, giant dick,” Ryan said.

“You’ve proven time and time again that you have no regard for women,” Lily said.

“I totally do.”

“I said regard, not respect.” She pointed at him, chewing on some of the salted peanuts out of the jar on the counter.

“You do know men eat them after they’ve been to the toilet. You’re probably eating another man’s urine right now.”

Lily wrinkled her nose and stopped eating. “Look, shitty nuts aside, what are you going to do if the right woman ever comes along?”

“That’s not going to happen. There’s no right woman out there. It’s complete bullshit about the whole soul mate thing.” Lily and Ryan glared at him. “You guys can be an exception to the rule, but that is as far as I’m willing to budge. Dani, my new roommate, is fine. We don’t see each other. We have our own schedules and clocks. Lives to live on our own. I’m not going to stop having fun just because a chick is there living in my place.”

“Technically, it’s your guys’ place,” Ryan said. “She pays half the rent.”

“I’ve got to do my job. You think you can let me do that?”

“We’re not stopping you.” Lily turned to Ryan, pulling him in close and kissing him.

Leaving the happy couple to do their thing, he served the customers that were waiting in line. Lily and Ryan made their way out onto the dance floor and started moving to the beat of the music.

Lily and Ryan had known him since they were all kids. They’d been a threesome in town, but as friends. He’d known long before Ryan and Lily even realized it that they had feelings for one another. He cared about both of them and wouldn’t see anyone tear them apart.

Just because he didn’t believe in love and romance didn’t mean he thought all people should be without it.

All he had to do was watch the two of them together, and he knew for a fact the rest of the world faded away for them. They were worried about him. He got it. Roommates were not his strong suit as he tended to piss them off or they were doing illegal shit.