Nothing Changes Love

‘For God’s sake, Lorraine. Keep your bloody opinions to yourself,’ Jake swore violently. ‘You might be a brilliant businesswoman, but in the feminine stakes we both know you’re a non-starter. Can’t you see you’re upsetting Lexi? How can you be so heartless? It was my child as well...’

‘Sorry-y.’ Lorraine drawled and, pushing back her chair left the table. ‘If I’m driving back to London tonight, I’d better get started. Give me a ring at home later and tell me what you decide.’ And she left the room.

Lexi, with head bowed, pushed the remains of her chicken chasseur around her plate, too choked to speak. She felt a hard hand curve around her shoulder and looked up. Jake had walked around behind her and was leaning over her.

‘I’m sorry, Lexi. Ignore Lorraine. She’s a great PA but home and family are of no importance to her. She doesn’t mean to be callous, she just doesn’t think unless it is business... Come on, I’ll take you back upstairs.

‘I can manage on my own.’

‘I know, darling, but indulge me, hmmm?’ And lifting her to her feet he swung her up into his strong arms, his deep blue eyes riveted on her own. ‘I don’t like feeling helpless, Lexi, and losing our baby has left me that way.’

She felt the tears fill her eyes. Jake was hurting just the same as her, and she made no demur when he carried her back to the bedroom.

Gently he let her slide down the long length of him, linking his arms behind her back and holding her steady against his hard body for a long moment. She let her head drop against his chest and felt the firm, steady beat of his heart beneath her cheek, and found it oddly reassuring.

‘I’ll always be here for you, Lexi, you know that, don’t you?’

She raised her face to his. ‘Yes. Yes, I know, but Lorraine is right. I’ll be fine; your business is important in London, please go.’ And, forcing a smile to her soft lips, she teased, ‘After all, you will only be a telephone call away, and surely British Telecom can get a single call right.’

‘Shhh, sweetheart, I’m not going anywhere.’ His dark head swooped and his firm lips covered hers in a gentle kiss. ‘Everything will work out,’ he murmured against her mouth. ‘But now get into bed, and rest. I’ll join you later.’

Lexi turned away and, slipping out of her clothes, she headed for the bathroom. Everything would work out. Jake had said so...but somehow, for the first time since her marriage, she wasn’t quite so sure.

A couple of hours later, Lexi woke from a light, troubled doze to the sight of Jake striding across the room from the bathroom, completely naked. Her violet eyes slid over his hard-muscled body almost with dislike. He was perfect, so alive, all virile male, but her son was dead and she felt a failure.

When he slid into bed beside her and drew her into his arms, she didn’t offer any resistance, needing his protective embrace, until she realised, with something very like disgust as he folded her into the heat of his body, a hard thigh over her slender limbs, that he was sexually aroused. She pushed him away with an angry snort. ‘My God, Jake. How can you?’

‘Hush, Lexi, I don’t want to do anything, just hold you, but you know you always have this effect on me. You don’t have to do anything: a look, a smile, you just have to be there and my body reacts...and it has been a few empty nights without you,’ he drawled softly, adding, ‘Just lie still and soon I’ll relax.’

She tilted her small head back and looked up into his shadowy features, barely visible in the moon’s silvery light beaming through the window. His dark eyes burned down into hers, a sensual, teasing gleam in their indigo depths. ‘Unless, of course, you want to help me relax,’ he murmured throatily, kissing her softly parted lips.

She knew exactly what he meant; until she had become pregnant they had enjoyed a full, totally erotic sensual relationship. He had taught her everything she knew about sex and also how to please him, but in the circumstances she found it distasteful, and, pushing herself out of his arms, she slid to the far side of the bed.

‘My God! Surely you can control your insatiable appetite for once? You disgust me.’ She felt the instant tension in his large body at her words but she didn’t care if she had hurt him. She was hurting too much herself.

‘I was only teasing, Lexi, trying to cheer you up. This is as hard for me as it is for you, darling, and I don’t know how to handle it.’

‘Try using the spare bedroom,’ she said curtly. ‘I need my sleep.’

‘Do you mean that?’ He sat up in bed, his hands grasping her slender shoulders and pinning her to the bed. ‘Is that really what you want? You know I’ll do anything to make it easier for you.’

It wasn’t what she wanted; she wanted to be held in his arms and sleep with her head on his chest, have him tell her how much he loved her, tell her it wasn’t her fault they had lost the baby, but she couldn’t say any of those things. Instead, in a small, tight voice, she looked straight up into his puzzled eyes and said, ‘Yes, I would prefer to be alone, if you don’t mind.’ She noticed the flash of pain in his expression before he quickly controlled it.

‘Dr Bell said to pamper you, so all right.’ His dark head lowered and she knew he was going to kiss her but deliberately she turned her head away and his lips brushed her cheek. ‘Goodnight, darling,’ he said softly. She felt him leave the bed and a few seconds’ silence before the door closed with a soft thump.

What had she done? And why? She didn’t know. The huge bed was lonely without Jake, and slowly the tears trickled down her cheeks. She didn’t recognise the person she had become, and, as she sank into an exhausted sleep, her tired mind gave up trying to find an answer.

* * *

Over the next few weeks, Lexi seemed to move through the days in a world of her own. Oh, she functioned all right on a purely practical level, but on an emotional level she was numb, haunted by guilt because she had lost the child. Not even Jake could get through to her.

The first morning back at Forest Manor, he had been all concern, refusing to leave for London, until on the Wednesday evening he insisted on taking her out to dinner, trying to cheer her up. They dined at Number 19 Grape Lane in York, the first place they had ever shared a meal together, but the exquisite food tasted like sawdust in her mouth, and she heaved a sigh of relief when Jake finally suggested returning home.

As she slipped her nightdress over her head, a soft confection of satin and lace, Jake walked into the bedroom. She lifted her head, and eyed him across the wide expanse of the large bed. He was fresh from the shower, his dark hair slicked back across his proud head, his body gleaming golden, naked except for a short white towel slung around his hips, his long sinewy legs planted slightly apart. He looked like every woman’s dream of a lover, but to Lexi he appeared as a threat to her blessed numb state. She watched wary-eyed as he walked around the bed to stand in front of her.

His strong hands curved around her upper arms and he eased her towards him. ‘Lexi, we have to talk. You’ve slept alone long enough; it’s becoming a habit.’

She tensed her body rigid in his hold.