A Monster's Beauty (In the Arms of Monsters 3)

“I saw you with Preacher. Why do you look like you’re going to cry?” Anne asked.

Robin took a deep breath. “I’m not going to cry. I’m … I don’t know what I am, to be honest. My emotions have been all over the place with everything.”

“Preacher’s there for you. I know you’re having a hard time, but he loves you. You can see it.” Anne opened up her meal, picked up the burger, and took a large bite.

Robin laughed. “I thought you were dieting again. Some kind of carb thing?”

“I’ve decided all diets suck. Nope. It’s why I sent you to lunch at the diner. I’m happy with the way I am. I’ve had a couple of kids. There’s no way I’m ever going to be a size zero, not that I ever was. If men can’t stand a woman with curves, then I can’t stand them.”

“You’ve changed your opinion.”

“Screw Elijah and everyone else who doesn’t like me. I’m sick and tired of trying to fit into the mold. You’ve helped me to see this, Robin, you have. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Robin picked up a fry. The conversation had taken a dramatic turn. “Really? How?”

“Everything you’ve gone through. I haven’t lived it or anything, but you’ve been through a whole lot and you’re still standing.”

“I’m barely getting by. I live with you. My husband is gone. My best friend is nowhere to be found, and that was the first time I spoke to the guy I do love, and I feel awful.”

“You keep on fighting. For yourself, for Bethany. Even when you didn’t have your memories and they all came back, you were strong. You’re a strong woman, Robin. You’re not falling apart. You’re braver than you realize.”

“I’m not the kind of woman you need to make a role model out of, Anne. I am falling apart. I’m not good, not even close.” She felt the tears already welling in her eyes. How could Anne even think she was strong? She’d never been strong. There was nothing good about her, or what she felt. She was a mess. Look at the decisions she’d made from Reaper, to well, Reaper. He’d been a big mistake, even if she did have Bethany, he’d been the worst part of her life.

Anne took her hand. “You’re not falling apart and even if you do, I won’t think less of you. In fact, I hope you do, it will make you seem more like a human than a robot.”

She laughed. “I’m not a robot. If I was, this wouldn’t hurt so badly.” She sniffled. “I’m sorry.”

“No, cry, but … did you and Preacher, you know?”

“Did Preacher and I what?” she asked, frowning.

“Your emotions are all over the place. You don’t seem to be able to hold one thought. You’re crying, and if I wasn’t mistaken, last night I watched you smear peanut butter on a boiled egg.”

“So?”

“Have you thought about the fact you might be pregnant?”

“No, that’s not possible. I can’t be pregnant.”

“Why not?”

“Because now is so not the right time and there’s no way I can do all of that right now. No, it’s not possible.” She couldn’t think about being pregnant right now.

Anne continued to look at her.

“No, it’s not. I mean, I know I haven’t been the most careful and I guess it’s coming to bite me in the ass, but no. Absolutely not. It’s not possible.” She shook her head. “No way. There’s just no time for a baby or for anything. It can’t be happening.”

“But you and Preacher haven’t been careful.”

“Okay, I will be honest here and admit I don’t have the most … amazing relationship with men when it comes to wearing condoms. Oh, shit!” She covered her mouth. “I don’t think I ever got tested when I came here. I’m going to have to talk to Randall about getting tested.”

“I’m pretty sure they ran tests on you when you were in the hospital.”

“But what if they didn’t? What if they … oh, my God. I can’t think right now. This can’t be happening to me.” She sniffled. “I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“What about Bethany? You’re doing wonderful with her.”

“I … I’m supposed to be meeting Preacher in a matter of hours.”