Still Waters (Lover's Lake)

Later that night, over homemade chili and cornbread, Ms. O’Geary explained her prognosis to her daughter. Fio handled it like pro and was mainly concerned about making sure care was in place so that Madeline wouldn’t have to go without during any stage of her treatment.

“I hate to think what would have happened if it hadn’t been for the Connors. I was prepared to be on the run, Mama, indefinitely with the trouble I’d gotten myself into. If it weren’t for Malik and Rafa, I might have never seen you again.” She burst into tears and sobbed onto her mother’s shoulder. Madeline rubbed her daughters head and looked me square in the eye.

“Thank you for settling her score, Rafael, so she could come home to me,” she said genuinely.

“I love her,” I blurted out. I couldn’t help myself. I hoped that Tatum wouldn’t be angry at me for not discussing that information first with her before spilling it at the dining room table.

“I can see that,” Madeline said. She knew her child, but that wasn’t to say our love wasn’t loud and clear for anyone coming in even remotely close to us.

I looked around the humble kitchen of this Milwaukee home and imagined Tatum with her long dark pigtails running in after school to grab a snack or toss her backpack on the couch. I wondered when exactly her mind began to absorb more than her friends, and eventually, by the end of elementary school, how she’d outwitted her teachers. I wondered too about when exactly she realized she’d need to leave home for hers and her own mother’s safety.

“She was always a genius,” Madeline suddenly said out loud as if reading my thoughts. “It was hard relating with her peer and only got harder when she was rewiring their home entertainment systems in front of their parents. She was shunned for her gifts, Rafael, excluded because of them. So many scholarships to college and Tate wouldn’t take a single one of them. Said other kids deserved it more and that she knew how to make enough money from certain jobs to help us get by.”

Tate sat up and wiped her nose and looked at me sheepishly. “God, Mom. You make me sound like a basket-case.”

“Then things got even more serious when she realized what was happening to children. Put her own safety at risk to help others, but that’s just who my Tate is.” She patted Tatum’s knee. “Rafa, I genuinely hope you can keep her safe. And balanced, too. She needs to do nice things for herself every once in a while too. It can’t all be about others.”

“I agree,” I told Madeline while raising an eyebrow at her daughter.

“And make sure she takes her medicine,” Madeline said. My eyebrow shot up again and Fio buried her face in her hands. “Don’t tell me you didn’t tell him?” Madeline said, aghast.

“Medicine for what?” I asked, inclining my head.

“Stage three kidney disease,” Tatum said dryly.

“What does that mean?” I sat straight up in my chair.

“Anemia, fatigue, high blood pressure, she had to take her medicine and see a nephrologist every three weeks. Tatum’s on a transplant list, she has been since she was eleven years old,” Madeline said looking concerned.

I had expected Autism, which various doctors had suspected me of having over the years. What I didn’t expect was something life-threatening. The stress, the late nights, the endless coding, the acceptance of going on the run. I brought my palm to my forehead and shook my head back and forth.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Fio? I thought we were being open, making plans?”

She got up from the table and walked away. Opened the back door and stepped down the porch and into the yard.

Madeline looked at me. “She doesn’t like to be a bother, never wants to make a fuss. She needs to take the medicine, Rafa. You’re going to have to stay on top of that for her.

I patted Madeline’s hand and rose to chase after my girl. She was sitting on the old swingset that creaked as she moved back and forth, her feet on the ground.

“I was going to tell you. Everything happened so fast, I hadn’t quite gotten around to it.”

“The medicine is essential according to your mother. I want you to hand that over to me and I’m going to manage it for you. We need to make an appointment with your nephrologist while we’re here in town. If I’m a match for you, Fio, we’re having the operation,” I said seriously to her. I wasn’t fucking around.

“Rafa, calm down!”

“Fuck that, Tate. This is my life. This is your life. I love you! I’m not calming down. Do you have any more life changing secrets up your sleeve? A husband? Secret children? Any warrants or other serious diagnosis I should know about?”