The Endgame (Atlanta Lightning 1)

I pulled him down, and we kissed until my jaw hurt and I couldn’t move.

West turned off the light and pulled the blanket over us, and eventually, we talked about what Mom had said to him. I appreciated some of it, as I knew he did, but I didn’t like other parts, specifically that she’d reiterated she didn’t think I should come out.

Months ago, I would have agreed. My whole life I didn’t think I ever would. But that was before West, before I saw what I could have. Now that I knew, I wasn’t sure I could risk losing it. “I think I want to. Come out, I mean. I need to talk to my agent, and we’ll tell the team first, but…” But West’s body had suddenly gone rigid against mine, and he wasn’t replying. “You don’t think I should.”

“I don’t think you should rush it.”

“Rush it? What the fuck, West? I’m twenty-six years old, and I’ve known I was gay for most of my life. That’s not rushing.” Maybe it wasn’t fair, but I felt betrayed by his response. I thought he’d be happy.

“Yeah, and you’d planned on staying in the closet your whole life until recently, which obviously I don’t agree with, but think about it, Bashful. Less than a month ago, you didn’t want anyone in your life to know, now in a matter of a couple of weeks, you’ve told Mia, Elias, and your mom, and you want to come out publicly? Doesn’t that seem a little quick? You don’t have to try and prove yourself.”

It was my turn to tense against him. “Fuck you. I’m not trying to prove anything. I’m trying to live my life—with you—but hey, if I’m going too fast for you, then I understand. I wouldn’t want to push you into something you’re not ready for.” I tried to roll out of bed, but West grabbed hold of me. With the moon shining through the window, the room was illuminated just enough that I could see him.

“That’s not fair. I didn’t say that. There’s a lot at stake for you here. I just don’t want you to make a rash decision because you’re living some high from the past couple of weeks. The people out there aren’t the same as your family.”

His words felt like an illegal tackle, a whole team on top of me. “You don’t think I’m capable of knowing what I want based on logic instead of the feel of your dick in my ass?” This was West, the first person in my life to know my secret, and now he didn’t trust me enough to make my own decision about it. Maybe that shouldn’t hurt, but it did.

“Well, you sure as shit weren’t thinking about coming out to your team until you had my dick in your ass.”

“Fuck you, West. Really, this time.” I jerked my arm away from him. He didn’t try to stop me when I got out of bed and walked away.

Chapter Forty-Two

Weston

Jesus, I was fucking this up. The second I’d said that, I knew I’d gone too far. I didn’t even really think what I’d said was true, so I wasn’t sure why I’d said it. All I knew was I didn’t want to hurt Anson. I didn’t want to be the reason football was hard for him. I didn’t want to come between him and his mom, and I knew she didn’t want him to come out publicly yet.

I wanted her to…like me. I wanted to be welcome in her home and not be the man who turned her son’s world upside down and threatened the sport he loved.

But I also couldn’t handle hurting Anson.

I got out of bed, tugged on a pair of underwear, and went to find him. He was in his home gym, standing next to a window, looking out at the night, wearing nothing but boxer briefs.

I walked up to him and hugged him from behind, held his waist, kissed his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, and I sure as hell don’t believe it. I trust you. There isn’t a person in this world I trust more than you.” While I said those words out loud, in my head I thought, I just don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to be the reason anything bad happens to you.

“I know.” Still, he didn’t look at me.

“You have to admit it’s sudden.”

“Maybe that’s because the last few weeks have shown me what it can be like. Or because I’m so fucking tired of carrying this secret around with me. Why the fuck does who I love have to be something I hide? I saw you with Mom, with Elias, and I think about things like the charity event, and I just… I don’t want to live that way anymore. It really was killing me. I didn’t know it until I had you. I’m just tired.”