Ravaged Hero (Heroes with Heart)

1

Cora

No matter how many times I hear it, the smooth timbre of Patton’s voice sends goosebumps down my arms as I listen to his voicemail greeting again. I’ve called—over and over—and he never picks up or returns my calls. In his defense, I do always say that everything is okay so he doesn’t really have to call me. But with my whole being, I hope he will.

I haven’t seen Patton since my brother’s funeral a little over a year ago. It may have been a while, but I can still remember everything about that day. I was grief-stricken about my brother, but I can still recall the calm, protected feeling that I felt in Patton’s arms and how much comfort it gave me to see him at the service.

He only spoke to me to offer me his condolences and make sure I had his phone number in case I needed anything, but it was enough to make me feel like I wasn’t alone in my grief.

What good was giving me your phone number if you don’t answer it and avoid my calls? I ask my phone as if I’m talking to him. I have already left a message and hung up. I’m always asking how he is doing, and I know how hard that question is for veterans to answer. So I figured that’s why he wasn’t answering. But I can’t help but sort of take it personally now. I mean it’s been a year... maybe I should give up.

“Cora.” The professionally dressed woman says my name from the opened door, interrupting my thoughts.

I take a deep breath and stand up, smoothing my hands down the front of my pants. It’s time for my weekly therapy appointment with Dr. Stevens. It’s required as part of my job, and most of the time I’m thankful for it. As a case worker for veterans, I’ve seen and heard a lot of awful things, things that I lose sleep over, but talking about it helps for sure. I always try to come in here each week ready to talk about what’s bothering me, knowing I’ll feel better afterwards, but today I’m a little iffy about it. Talking about the veterans and issues I’m helping them with is so much easier than talking about myself and my issues.

“Hey, Dr. Stevens!”

She waves her hand at the open door, beckoning me in. “Hey, Cora. You ready to get started?”

Instead of my usual chipper self, I take a deep breath and nod as I walk past her. I take a seat on the couch as she sits in the chair next to me.

“Okay, what’s going on?” she asks as she picks up her notepad off the table.

“Nothing. Everything is really good. My patients are doing well. I was able to find housing for one, set up numerous interviews for a few. I convinced one of my patients to finally agree to therapy which he’s needed for a while now. The ‘Bridge’ project is really going well, and I truly feel like I’m making a difference there. Really, everything is going well.”

I say it all with a big smile, but as I go on and on about my patients’ success, even I can hear the worry in my voice. There’s no hiding the pain I’m feeling from Patton not answering my phone calls or returning them. I don’t understand it, and I wish I could say that if I talked to him, I’d be fine, but I know that’s not the case. One phone call isn’t going to make me miraculously feel better. It’s not like I’ll stop thinking about him after that. I haven’t stopped thinking about him since the day I met him four years ago at my high school graduation.

Dr. Stevens leans forward with a gentle smile on her face. “Okay, work is good. So what’s bothering you?”

I shrug my shoulders, debating with myself on whether I should bring it up or not, but knowing I should. Talking about it does help. “I’m still trying to get a hold of Patton.”

The doctor nods, obviously remembering me talking about Patton before. I never meant to bring him up, but there’s no way I can talk about my past without bringing up Patton. I almost laugh just thinking about it. I’m probably not even on his radar, and he doesn’t have a clue how much I think about him, but that’s all I can think about. From the moment I met him, I knew there was something special about him. Back then, I had no idea what that pull was in my lower belly, but I knew I wanted to be around him. For the next four years, I saw him mostly through video calls with my older brother when Patton would jump on just to say hi or whatever. He has no idea how much that meant to me that he would take time like that to just talk to me and check in.