Caspian (Carolina Reapers 8)

My mouth opened, then shut.

Holy shit. My heart hammered, like it was clapping at Maxim’s statement.

“It sure as hell sounds like you’re both just too stubborn to listen to reason while you’re jumping to conclusions because you’re both terrified of what loving each other could mean, but what the hell would I know?” Sterling smirked. “I’ve only been married for a month.”

“So…” I sighed, dropping my shoulders. “I’m the asshole.”

“You’re the asshole,” they all said together, like it had been rehearsed or some shit.

“Awesome.”

“I mean, I could have told you that before I knew the details,” Brogan muttered.

Maxim laughed, trying and failing to disguise it with a cough.

“And what the fuck am I supposed to do about it?” I asked the three of them. “The fact that we had a…” I grimaced. “…seriously unfortunate chain of misunderstandings doesn’t change the fact that she’s chained to Cherry Creek and I live here. What am I supposed to do? Quit? Stop playing hockey because I can’t fucking breathe without her?”

“Oxygen deprivation isn’t exactly good for your game.” Sterling skated out from the net, meeting me at the blue line.

Maxim and Brogan fell silent.

“You don’t fall in love in a month,” I said quietly.

“I fell in love in an elevator,” Sterling responded. “I can bullshit myself and say it happened later, but I belonged to London by the time they pried the doors open that day. It doesn’t have to make sense to be real.”

Real. That’s exactly how this felt. Hearts weren’t decimated over flings or one-month stands. People didn’t hop on planes to avoid the oncoming hurricane of a heartbreak if they weren’t in love and they didn’t chase the other person down across the country over a crush.

This was love, and I fucked it up.

“I ran at the first sign that she could hurt me.”

“Yeah, well, we all fuck up,” Sterling replied. “What makes the difference is what we do after we realize the gargantuan proportions of the fuck up.”

“She’s never going to forgive me for shutting her down after she flew here.” I shook my head. “She did the whole grand gesture thing and I…”

“Fucked up,” Brogan supplied.

“Big time,” Maxim added.

“Gotta love when I’m getting relationship advice from two self-proclaimed bachelors and a newlywed.” I took my glove off and ran my fingers over my sweat-soaked hair. “What the fuck am I supposed to do now?”

“Calling her would be a good start,” Sterling suggested.

“You can’t call her after she flew here,” Brogan scoffed. “That’s like giving her a water balloon to put out a forest fire. I might not know anything about relationships, but I understand proportional response.”

We all grunted in agreement.

“Bristol moved her company for Briggs,” Maxim stated.

“Cannon married Persephone twice,” Sterling added.

“Juliet faked her own death for Romeo,” Brogan said with a nod.

We all turned to look at him.

“Not helping,” Maxim said with a shake of his head and a bewildered expression.

“I’m not sure why people call it the greatest love story of all time if it’s not helpful,” Brogan replied, unsnapping his helmet.

“It’s not a love story; it’s a fucking tragedy,” Maxim argued.

Awesome. My life was falling apart and these guys were debating what genre Romeo and Juliet belonged in.

“Fuck it,” Sterling muttered rubbing his eyes. “Are you in love with her, Caz?”

“Yeah. I’m in love with her.” I wasn’t sure love was a strong enough word. She was the best parts of my past—my roots and my home. She was also everything I wanted in my future. Her laughter, her smile, her kiss, her no-nonsense practicality, her loyalty and dedication. My chest hurt with how much I loved her.

“Then I would start by telling her that in person,” Sterling proposed.

“There’s still the whole distance thing. I can’t ask her to leave her mom. Her loyalty is one of the things I love most about her, and if she’s not willing—not ready to move on after her dad’s death then I can’t force her. I’d be asking her to be someone she isn’t.” I took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the ice, the rink, the home I’d made for myself. But what did it all mean without Ryleigh? “Even asking her to do long distance and move here isn’t fair. She has some serious talent and we don’t have the right art program. She’d still be forcing herself into someone else’s box.”

The problem was so much bigger than I’d let myself explore. Hell, maybe I’d run from Iowa because I’d known that even if the Chuck thing wasn’t real, Ryleigh and I would still end up here.”

“Axel left Sweden for Langley,” Sterling said slowly, breaching the topic we’d all been skating around. “We can all bullshit and say it was for the contract with the Reapers, but we all know it was only so he’d have a shot with Langley. Not even a guarantee of a future. Just a shot. He risked it all.”