Love Lessons
“He probably would have come down, anyway. He was just waiting until it looked like his idea.”
She couldn’t smile in response to his quip. For one thing, she was still shaken over Norman’s stunt. For another…Mike was in her living room again. And having him here brought back all the pain and longing that had been tormenting her since he had stormed out after their quarrel.
Suddenly self-conscious, she pushed her hands into the pockets of the gray wool slacks she wore with a mint-green sweater set. She’d had a faculty meeting at work that day, so she’d dressed a bit more nicely than usual. “Um, how are things going with you?”
He shrugged, his expression suddenly hard to read. “Okay, I guess. I finished my classes. Passed them both.”
“Congratulations.” She didn’t ask if he had registered for the next semester, though she wanted to. It was no longer any of her business—if it ever had been.
Mike glanced around the room, avoiding her gaze. “Is there anything else you need while I’m here? Any maintenance problems?”
“No,” she said in little more than a whisper. “Nothing’s broken.”
Except her heart, of course. And that was something he had shattered, himself.
Mike nodded and moved toward his door, his coat draped over one arm. She watched as he placed a hand on the doorknob and she braced herself to watch him walk out again.
Instead he just stood there, staring at the door.
“Mike?” she said after a moment. “Is there something else you want to say?”
“Yeah,” he said without turning around. “But I don’t know exactly how to begin.”
Moistening her lips, she said, “Just say it.”
“It’s not that easy to admit to being a total ass. My behavior was inexcusable, and I owe you an apology.”
A huge lump formed in her throat, forcing her to swallow hard. “You said some very hurtful things to me that night.”
“I know. You didn’t deserve them.”
“I didn’t go to Karen’s because of Bill. I wasn’t seeing him then and I haven’t seen him since except in passing at the hospital.”
Still without looking at her, he muttered, “I wouldn’t blame you if you were. He seemed like a decent guy. And I was a jerk.”
Crossing her arms tightly in front of her, she studied the back of his head. “We both lost our tempers, I guess.”
“I know. I was jealous. I guess that’s obvious. I didn’t think I could compete with a guy like that, and I didn’t want you to spend the day with him, comparing us.”
“There was never a competition,” she said sadly. “I’ve asked you to stop doing that. Comparing yourself to my other friends. It’s pointless. And it’s meaningless, since it’s something I would never do myself.”
“Bob said it was because I never felt good enough for you. He said I was trying to sabotage the relationship before you could dump me and hurt me.”
“Bob said that?” she asked, startled.
He nodded. “Sometimes he makes more sense than you would expect from him.”
There was another tense pause while she thought about Bob’s words. And then Mike said, “I’ve missed you, Catherine. Is there any chance we could try again?”
She couldn’t count the number of nights she had lain awake, fantasizing about hearing him saying those very words. In those scenarios, she had always thrown herself into his arms and assured him that she would love to try again. And that they would make it work this time.
So, it was with great regret that she said, “I don’t think that’s a very good idea, Mike. I honestly can’t see that anything has really changed at all.”
His shoulders seemed to sag just a little. “I thought you might say that.”
“And that’s the biggest problem between us,” she whispered. “You still don’t trust me. And without trust, there can be nothing else.”
She simply couldn’t get any more deeply involved with a man who was still convinced that they were destined to fail. It had hurt her so badly when they had broken up before. She couldn’t risk going through that—or worse—again.