The Queen's Corgi

‘Using the ‘Q’ on the top right-hand side. You’ve got all the letters. Double word score.’

‘Yes, ma’am!’ Detective Lewis’ voice rose in astonishment. ‘Thank you, ma’am!’

That evening, the Queen was visited by several family members. Charles, Camilla, Anne, William, Kate and Harry joined Phillip and her for dinner. As they gathered in a sitting room, I made a beeline for Harry who, typically, was sitting on the floor. Throwing myself on the ground and rolling over, I was soon rewarded with a vigorous tummy rub.

‘Had a good day, Gran?’ enquired Harry.

‘Went for a walk this morning with the puppy.’ She nodded in my direction. ‘It was such a nice morning.’

‘Not one of your excursions?’ asked Charles.

‘Yes. The gardens.’

‘Huchens would have been beside himself!’

‘He was alright to begin with. But the puppy caught sight of some ducks and the girl holding him let go of his lead. There was quite a scene. Huchens marched me away.’

Her grandsons chuckled.

‘Matters got worse, though. Huchens led me down the pavement. He was going so dreadfully slowly that I stopped to read a magazine headline on the newsagent’s stand. Something to do with a shock in the equestrian world. I wanted to find out what had happened. A nice Indian man popped out and gave it to me as a gift. He had recognised me immediately.’

‘Huchens must have been apoplectic!’ exclaimed Charles.

‘He was! When we got home he said he wanted to undertake . . .’ at this point Her Majesty’s entire being seemed to morph into the form of Huchens as she mimicked his heavily burring accent, ‘a full root and branch review!’

Everyone in the room burst out laughing. It was the first time I’d heard the Queen mimic someone else and she was hilariously convincing.

‘Did he warn you the consequences would be catastrophic,’ chuckled William, with his own Scottish riff.

‘Not on this occasion.’

‘You should have pushed him,’ grinned Harry. ‘Just that little bit more.’

/> ‘Leave the poor man alone,’ said Her Majesty. ‘He’s only trying to do his job.’

The Queen went on to explain how the incident had been echoed by a discussion over lunch about impulse control. How she’d questioned her visitors about the qualities of a successful jockey, and that the idea of delaying gratification for a greater result was a theme that seemed to recur as a requirement for any form of achievement.

‘In the military it’s called G and D,’ observed Harry. ‘Guts and Determination.’

‘Focus on the big picture,’ agreed William.

‘Although even military solutions can themselves be short-lived, if they don’t deliver a solution with which people will live,’ pointed out Charles.

‘Quite,’ agreed Her Majesty. ‘It always comes back to the point that actions must accord with values, if they are to be meaningful.’

‘And that the greatest value of all,’ offered Charles, ‘is concern for the people and natural world around us.’

There was a pause while every one of us in the room contemplated this profound statement, before Anne asked, ‘By the way, Mummy, did you ever find out what it was that is shocking the equestrian world?’

‘Oh!’ the Queen was dismissive. ‘Some hoo-ha at Ascot. Just the usual sensational headline leading to nothing at all.’

Philip, who had been dozing for most of the conversation, gathered himself up in his chair, jaw quivering and eyes fierce. ‘Bloody journalists!’ he exclaimed.

About a fortnight later, Tara was going through that day’s mail.

‘How did last night go?’ Sophia asked from the other side of the office.

‘You mean with Richard at Rules?’ confirmed Tara.