The Wall of Winnipeg and Me

I’d barely plopped down and shuffled my seat forward when I realized that both of the authors on either side of me were staring. Literally staring. One of them even had her mouth open.

“Please tell me that’s not your brother,” the one whose mouth was actually closed, stammered out, her gaze zoomed in on the direction Aiden had disappeared to.

“That’s not my brother,” I said a little more smugly than what was necessary, my thumb rubbing over the top of my ring.

“Is that a model?” The one who was gaping practically panted. “Because he’s never hugged me like that before.” She hooked her thumb at the man sitting next to her, who was frowning while also facing where Aiden had gone.

I bit my cheek and tried to hold back my smile even as my soul rejoiced with Aiden! He’s here! “No.”

Both women just looked at me a blankly for so long I reached up to fiddle with the leg of my glasses, feeling a little awkward.

The male model finally leaned around the author he was sitting with. “That’s Aiden Graves, isn’t it?”

And, of course, someone was going to immediately recognize him. I’d seen an ad of him at the airport the night before.

“Who’s that?” the author on my left asked.

“The Wall of Winnipeg. The best defensive player in the NFO,” the guy answered, his gaze bouncing between the spot Aiden had gone and me, his expression more than a little curious. “Are you writing a book about him?” he asked, and I swear I almost rolled my eyes. The sign behind me with my name on it clearly said I did graphic design. Plus, we were at a romance convention. I didn’t know I wrote biographies.

“No,” the familiar, deep voice answered unexpectedly, right before he dropped a metal chair into place right next to me. “She’s mine.”

And he went for it.

My heart went for it too—over the cliff that is.

I thought—

Well it didn’t matter what I thought. Or why’d he’d gone with that instead of going with any other answer except the slightly painful truth. Painful because my insides clung onto the ‘M’ word even though it shouldn’t have. Somehow, with Aiden wielding it, it felt like a weapon of mass destruction intent on destroying my heart.

I should have known better. I knew how stupid it was to feel something for him other than friendship. I really did. This between us was business—he’d made that point abundantly clear before we’d signed paperwork. We both got something out of it. But friendship had blossomed between us—a genuine one that had tugged on my head and heart so much that it had turned into more. For me at least.

I loved Aiden, and hearing him claim me as his, bypassed every instinct in my body that had pushed me to succeed on my own. It didn’t make me feel like I was worth more, but it gave me a turbo boost regardless of how stupid it was for me to take his statement out of context. It was useless to hope. Useless to love him. Care about him, sure. I’d cared about him for years. Had a massive crush on him during that time too.

But this…

It made me want to hope, and that was the last fucking thing I needed.

Now, these people who I may or may not see again in my life would know for sure we were together. I knew how things like this worked. Each person would tell another person and most people in my industry, in the profession that I wanted to work with that included potential customers in this room, they would all know Aiden Graves and I had married, and in five years, they’d know what I lost. Everyone would know we’d gotten divorced if they even remembered.

Which they probably wouldn’t. Would they?

For the price of paying off my student loans, I was going to have to live with it. I’d have to, and that knowledge made my chest give this unnatural squeeze that made my entire body ache. How could I miss something I still had?

A big, sturdy elbow nudged me. “What’s the matter?” Aiden asked in a slightly quieter voice, uselessly trying to keep the conversation between the two of us. I wasn’t fooled. Everyone around us was probably trying to listen in.

I made myself blink my depressing, unnecessary thoughts away and turned my chair enough to face him, wiping my expression off. At least that’s what I hoped. “I was just… I’m fine. I can’t believe you’re here.”

“A happy surprise?” He watched me with those dark eyes before the side of his kneecap kissed the side of mine.

Did he sound hesitant or was I imagining it? I thought about playing it off, but then again, all signs pointed at the fact that the big guy actually knew me. He would recognize if I were lying. “Duh,” I whispered. “It just got me thinking about how the next four-ish years are going to pass in no time, and how much I’ll probably miss you afterward.” I gave him a frown that was trying to be a smile. “It’s dumb. I’m so happy to see you, and I’m already getting upset thinking about not having you around.”

Why was I telling him these things? And why were my eyes tearing up all of a sudden? I blinked up at Aiden, uselessly wiping at them with the back of my hand and let out that horrible laugh when you’re crying but you want to think something is funny. “I’m so happy you’re here and I’m crying,” I cry-laughed bitterly, suddenly aware that all these people I didn’t know who were busy checking out Aiden, could probably see me getting upset.

When I raised my gaze to make sure Aiden thought I was being as crazy as I imagined I was being, I realized he wasn’t smiling. Not at all. The unimpressionable look on his face didn’t say that he thought I was being nuts, and he wasn’t going to tell me I was getting worked up for no reason. Instead, his Adam’s apple bobbed and he stared at me as if he was at a loss for words.