A Cut so Deep (Thornes & Roses 1)

My emotions are once more collected inside my gut, where I can’t find the words to voice them. Anxiety is back, clawing at me, reminding me of why that box in my bathroom is still there. It’s as if it’s calling to me.

The woman before me turns blurry, and I fight to keep my tears at bay, but I’m not strong. Not in this moment. When I blink, a single tear trickles down my cheek, but I don’t swipe it away.

“I took you in, raised you with your father, before he decided to walk out.” Her words are cool, as if she’s detached herself from me, from my dad, and I understand she’s been broken by him, but I’m innocent. I didn’t ask for this.

This life I knew, that I believed in, is nothing more than a smokescreen.

“Why didn’t you give me back to her?” I croak. My fingers dig into the armrests, as I watch her. “Why didn’t Dad take me with him?”

“Things didn’t work out like we wanted. Like he wanted. Now that we’re here, and Bradford has been so kind as to allow you to live here, even though you’re not mine, I think we should be thankful.”

“If that’s how you see it, see me, I’ll leave,” I bite out, as anger surpasses the pain that’s cloying at my lungs.

“Now, now,” Bradford speaks up. “I think what your mother, uh, aunt is trying to say is that we want you here. Since you’re a Thorne, because I would like to adopt you legally, I’d like to ask you to consider our proposal.”

“What proposal?” I hate how childlike I sound. I hate that I’m feeling weakened by the news, but I can’t stop myself.

“We’d like you and Creed to make a go of it. The year-end ball is coming up, and you can partner with him. In turn, I’ll pay for your schooling, study anything you’d like, and when you turn twenty-one, you’ll join with a Haven, we will have our first Thorne-Haven wedding.”

He looks at me with a smile that confirms what I already knew when I first sat down, when he first told me about this. He knows about Damien and me. It’s the only logical reason I can think of that would make him want to break us apart.

“What about Oxford?” I look at Marcia. She was the one who put the idea in my head, and now that it’s taken root, I don’t want to dismiss it.

“I’ve spoken to Bradford, and we feel it’s best you stay here,” she informs me with a sneer.

“But why offer the option to me to—”

“I am your legal guardian. I can take, and I can give. What I say goes, and I’m informing you that you’re to stay here, go to school here.”

“I want to go to Oxford!” My voice bounces off the walls, as I push up from the chair. Tension thickens the air in the room, and I know I may have just fucked up everything. If they don’t pay for my school, I can’t afford it, and Damien is still under his father’s thumb.

It feels as if everything is crumbling around me, and there’s no way of me keeping it together now. I’m shaking. My body prickles with fear, and my heartbeat bangs loudly in my ears as blood rushes inside my veins. My fingers tremble, and my knees are wobbly. The thought of losing everything I’ve gained in the past few weeks makes it difficult to swallow.

“I can’t do this now. Please.” I turn to leave, racing for the door. I can’t think straight. My mind is swirling with thoughts of my real mother, of my father.

“Twenty-four hours, Nesrin.” Marcia’s voice comes from behind me, cool and calm, but the threat in her words hangs heavily on me. I pull open the door and step out into the hallway, only to slam into a body that’s hard as steel.

Finn.

“Whoa, little sis,” he says with a chuckle, but the moment he really looks at me, noticing the tears making salty tracks down my cheeks, his arms pull me in. “What’s going on?” Gently, he pulls me down the hall as we head into the gym where Cass is working out. Damien is nowhere to be found, and I don’t know if he knows about my real mother or not but, right now, all I want is to be alone, to find my release from the pain that’s collecting in my chest.

When emotions overwhelm me, it’s the only thing that helps. But over the past few weeks, Damien has been there. He’s been my solace in the dark, and now that he’s hiding in his room, preparing to leave me, I don’t know how else I’m going to cope.

“What’s going on?” Cassian is at my side, and both of them seem to be holding me up, but I can’t find the words. “I’ll be back.” Cassian’s out the door, leaving me with Finn, who sits me down on the bench against the wall. He leaves to grab a bottle of water from the small cooler and hands it to me, once he’s opened it.