The moment I walk into the kitchen, Joy looks up with a smile on her face. She’s always in a good mood, happy, affectionate, nothing like the woman I grew up with.
“How are you, dear?” Joy asks, offering me a mug of coffee, and a plate of toast dripping with honey. It’s what I have every morning when I come down.
“I’m good. Tired, but okay. And you?”
“I’m always great. There’s no reason to be sad, life may bring dark clouds, but the sun will always shine afterward.” With a wink, she leaves me to eat in silence. I’m finishing up my toast when Marcia walks into the kitchen, her body language is rigid, and the air in the room cools considerably.
“Nesrin.”
I open my mouth to greet her, but I have no idea what to call her, so all I say is, “Morning.” I watch her move around the room, opening cabinets, trying to find the mugs. When she does, she fills it with coffee, before turning to me.
I’m nervous. It’s strange. Now that I know the truth, it’s almost as if we’re no longer able to talk. But I know I need to.
“I’m going to London with Damien. Today, I’ll be going to see Mallory, mom, whatever she is to me.” The words come out in a whoosh, and my throat tightens at the idea of what I’m about to do. “I want to be with Damien. And I don’t care what barriers you and Bradford put in place. I’m done caring about people who lie to me.”
I glance up to find shock painted on her features. But after a long while, she nods. “I should never have kept it a secret for so long, and I certainly shouldn’t have told Mallory to lie to you either.” Even though I don’t want to fall into the trap of believing something that isn’t true, I’m almost certain her voice is laced with guilt.
“No, you shouldn’t have. Even when Dad left, that was the perfect moment to come clean, and you chose not to. I’ve struggled my whole life with depression, and you never cared. You never treated me like a caring mother should. But now, it makes sense, since you’re not my mother.”
At that moment, Damien saunters into the kitchen, and I’m fearful Marcia is going to kill him after my admission, but she lowers her head, shaking it slowly, as she looks at the floor.
“I’ve never been good with emotion. I had to be strong for so long, looking after my parents when they got sick, and I blamed Mallory for being the young, carefree person I wanted so badly to be.” When she lifts her head, she looks directly at me. “I wanted to have my own life, but after you were old enough, I still couldn’t bring myself to tell you the truth.”
She sets the mug down, as Damien moves behind me, his hands on my shoulders, offering me his strength as the tears trickle down my cheeks. He doesn’t kiss me or offer anything more than his hold on me, but it’s enough.
“I’m sorry, Nesrin. I’m so sorry. And I know it’s not something I can make up for with a meager apology, but for now, it’s all I have.”
I glance at Damien, and he pulls out my chair, allowing me to stand. I go to her, but I don’t hug her, I don’t even touch her. “I can’t forgive you right now, it hurts far too much, but I can thank you for your apology. Perhaps one day, I’ll be able to look at you without anger.”
I turn around and head out of the kitchen, leaving her to mull over my words. Damien is beside me seconds later, his arm wrapping around my waist.
“Are you okay?”
I nod. “I am. Will you take me to see Mallory?”
“Of course.” He’s my rock. He’s become my savior in ways I didn’t realize I needed. And I love him for it. A smile curves my lips because, I know now, today will be the day I can finally admit it. I want to tell him how I feel.
41
Nesrin
The fortress in front of us, as we make our way up the drive, looms over the hill like a king sitting on his throne. My stomach somersaults at the thought of seeing her face to face, knowing the truth.
“Are you okay, wild rose?” Damien’s voice captures my attention. I nod, but I don’t know if it’s the truth. His eyes are so blue today; they remind me of the ocean, shimmering with affection. With love.
“I will be. I just need her to tell me the truth. I know Marcia did, but she’s my mother, Damien.”
“I know. She should’ve been the one to come clean.” His hand finds mine, his fingers tangling with my own. Just like before, he’s the only thing keeping me afloat. “You’ll get through this. You’re strong.”