Damaged Gods

“Grant? You think that ad belonged to Grant?”

I pause. “Didn’t it? He told me it did.”

“Don’t believe everything you’re told.”

I’m about to scream at her for all this cryptic nonsense when I remember that weird conversation with Tarq and Luciano. You answered the ad, Tarq said. He was amazed at my confusion.

I narrow my eyes, thinking. “It was Tarq’s ad.” I feel confident about this conclusion.

But Ostanes sighs. “You’re going to make this hard, aren’t you?”

“I’m not making anything hard! All I want is…”

She raises an eyebrow when I don’t finish my sentence. “Well?” she finally asks. “What do you want, Pie Vita?”

“I want these people to stay the fuck out of my sanctuary. I want to break Pell’s curse. And save Tomas. I want him to be saved, and I want—”

“Stop.” She puts up a hand. And this hand has power. Just like Pell’s hand has power. “Stop it right now. That’s not what you want. That’s what you want to do. What do you want, Pie?”

What do I want?

“It should roll off the tongue, child. That’s how long you’ve been wishing for it. Say it. You know what you want.”

“I want to be normal.”

“You want to walk away from Pia?”

“Where is she?” I whirl around, searching for my friend. And there, there on a low branch, full and heavy with bright yellow leaves, Pia sits with her crown of bright red feathers in stark contrast against the foliage.

She morphs before my eyes. Her body disintegrates, but instead of collapsing into billions of dust particles, every single feather becomes a moth. They swarm, circle each other like a cyclone. And then… they hover there. Waiting.

I turn back to Ostanes.

I know her.

“You know me.” Her words echo my thoughts. “And you know yourself too. Who are you, Pie?”

I want to say, I am that girl from Philly. Then I want to say, I don’t know.

But it’s just all lies, and there’s no way to hide from it anymore.

So I give in. I say, “I am yours.”

And this earns me a wide smile. “Yes, child. You are mine. I called you to Saint Mark’s. Pell is mine. Tarq is mine and Tomas is mine. And I put you all here for this one moment when you could confront that bastard Saturn and take back what belongs to us.”

“Is he gone, then?” I ask. “Is Saturn dead?”

“He is gone for now.” She huffs. “But he’ll be back. We’re not to concern ourselves with him just yet. Let him lick his wounds. We have bigger, better things to do with the monsters of Saint Mark’s. Like set them free. But first, you have to choose, Pie. Because Pell’s magic is only temporary. He has already been holding you in this freeze for longer than he should. Just a little bit longer and you will fall out of it on your own. And if you do not make a choice, you will die. You will not come back from this. You are not the caretaker of Saint Mark’s Sanctuary. Grant was able to leave because you brought your magic with you. And Saturn was able to take over his aging body and make him young again—use him to do his bidding—because his curse was still in place. But you were not the replacement and if you die, you will be dead. You will not come back. Not tomorrow, not next year, not next century. And Pell will live on. Forever, and ever, and ever inside his curse. Knowing that his one chance to be with you the way you were meant to be together is over.”

There is a part of me that wants to ask a lot of questions about setting the monsters free. Like… are we sure the world is ready for that? And other such important things.

But Ostanes keeps spilling out information that seems critical, and I just can’t keep up. “Wait,” I say, putting up a hand. “I don’t understand.”

“Oh, you do.” Ostanes holds out her hand, palm up, and the moths that I thought were mine swarm to her. Cover her from head to toe, so that she is nothing but fluttering wings. She speaks and even her words come out with wings. “I made you four to keep my magic safe. Tarq to hold the book. Pell to hold the tombs. Tomas to hold the sanctuary.”

I blink at her. Because that actually kinda does make sense. “But what about me?”

“You hold them all, dear Pie. You hold them all. But they hold you as well. The curse has not been lifted, but it has shifted. Pell knows what to do, but he needs a sign from you that this is what you want. And then the two of you can find the new boundaries together. Tell him, Pie. Tell him what you want.”