Starting from Zero (Starting from 1)

I blinked rapidly and glanced around. Light streamed through the dirty window, reflecting in a rainbow prism off the ancient glass coffee table. I squinted at the Pink Floyd poster above a cast-off forest-green recliner and swiped my hand across my face before glancing up at my roommate, aware that his lips were moving.

“Jus, wake up!”

“Wha-what the fuck?”

Tegan tossed my cell on my chest. “It’s your mom.”

I rubbed my eyes as I scrambled to sit up. When the fog cleared and reality seeped in, I let out a sigh that was equal parts relief and defeat. Fuck me. The good news was that I wasn’t in the middle of the ocean, bopping around in a tin can. The bad news was, I lay sprawled on Tegan’s sofa. And yeah, my mom was on the line.

“Hey, Mom,” I said in a groggy voice.

“Hi. I’m just leaving for work, but I had the strangest dream about you last night.”

“I just had a weird dream too. What was yours?”

“You were at the Y after school. I think I was home, and I got a call to pick you up because you were running around like a chicken with its head cut off, and no one could stop you. Not even your brother.”

I bristled when she didn’t call Rory by name. It was on the tip of my tongue to supply it when she continued, “I woke up in a sweat, worrying about your medication. Have you been taking it? I read a terrible report linking the one they prescribed when you were a kid to depression. You know you can’t mess with depression, Justin. It’s serious.”

“I know, Ma. Don’t worry about me.”

“Worrying is my job. What medication are you taking? I think my dream was a sign we should do some research on it and make sure it’s safe. Studies were done recently showing…”

I closed my eyes and buried my head in my free hand. Fuck. These were the days I wished Rory was still part of our original circle of three. My mother was a lot for me to handle on my own. Especially pre-caffeine.

“Mom, I’m fine.”

“Well, I’m glad about that, but I still need to research. So which one is it?” she asked before listing a few names that easily had twenty consonants apiece.

I named the medication I’d been prescribed and added, “But I’m weaning myself off of it and going for a holistic approach.”

Silence.

“Does that mean you’re smoking the devil’s lettuce?”

If I’d been drinking anything, I’d have spit it out for sure. I threw my head back and laughed like a loon. I couldn’t stop. There was something really fucking funny about my formerly-hip-turned-religious-fanatic mother primly reciting a slang name for marijuana. When she said my full name three times in a row, I sobered. “Oh man, that was hilarious. No, Mom, I wasn’t referring to weed. I do breathing exercises and I try to eat right. I cut brussels sprouts out entirely.”

“Vegetables are good for you. How does cutting out brussels sprouts help?”

“They make me gassy and fart jokes make me laugh. And once I start laughing, my brain kicks into third or fourth gear. I want to laugh more, do more, talk more. Honestly, I exhaust myself. So there you have it…no more brussels sprouts. And you probably should never say devil’s lettuce again.” I chuckled.

“Hmph. Do you enjoy making sport of me?”

“Yeah, sometimes I do,” I teased. “C’mon, Ma. I’m twenty-six. I’ve been living with a spacey brain my whole life. I got this.”

“You don’t have a spacey brain. You have a condition.”

“Millions of people have ADHD, Mom. I’m not special. And I’m doing just fine.”

“Are you? The band, the part-time jobs…you sleep on a sofa, for goodness sake. That’s terrible for your brain. You should move back to Long Beach, Justin. You can stay here until you get a real job.”

I pulled my cell from my ear and gave Tegan my best “Help!” look. He chuckled softly, then made a drink gesture I hoped meant he’d made coffee before he headed toward the galley-style kitchen. “Thanks for the offer. But if it makes you feel any better, I have a job interview this morning. It’s for something clerical. It sounds boring as fu—fudge, but I think it pays well.”

“Oh, that’s great news! Good luck, honey,” she gushed.

“Thanks. I should get going. Bye, Mom. Oh, hey…you should know Rory’s doing well too.”

The line went quiet for a second before she said a curt, “Good-bye, Justin.”

I sighed and was about to toss my phone aside and search for coffee when a new message lit up my cell. From Declan. I thought I’d deleted him from my contact list for good. What the fuck was happening in the universe?

We need to talk. Xena’s signing a contract you might be interested in.